Chowderhead

Let us Band together and Eradicate the world from Spiders

September 22, 2014 // 61 Comments

Contrary to what many scientists believe, there are only two varieties of spiders in the world: 1.) fugging nasty spiders 2.) fugging nasty spiders with fur No need to get into genus and all that crap, because when you discover one perched on the ceiling monitoring your sleep status, you probably don’t give a hoot about what specific type [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Help Me Catch The Sun!

August 16, 2014 // 45 Comments

There is not a whole lot to say about this Saturday’s Six except it made the office crack up. (Well it made Chris crack up…for hours…like a loony. So much so we almost called an ambulance. He is actually still laughing…on the floor…rolling around. ) This guy asked the internet for help in Photoshopping the sun [Click For More]

The Official Handshake Etiquette Guidebook

August 14, 2014 // 90 Comments

Shaking hands is a greeting ritual that dates back to the early Neolithic period. Apparently somewhere around that time people decided it was more appropriate than licking someone’s face to acknowledge a clan member. There’s your fun history fact for the day. This custom and its many variations have lead to some confusion after the [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause Celebrates Robin Williams

August 13, 2014 // 50 Comments

There is no doubt your Facebook/Twitter feeds are currently full of pictures of Mrs. Doubtfire as well as Aladdin and that hilarious genie sharing a heartfelt hug. No secret as of today, Robin Williams is dead. Social media is mourning, the only way Social media can. That’s by sharing animated gifs, frowny emoticons, and pictures of nature [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Copy’cat’ Modeling Portfolio Pics

August 9, 2014 // 55 Comments

We, at Long Awkward Pause, have been complaining for years now about Cats taking over the internet. We first noticed the cat infiltration happening as early as 1973. You see, cats are smart. They are not just trying to take over the internet in a single day. Oh no! They have slowly and methodically, kilobyte by kilobyte taking over the [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Provocative Doodling Pads

July 26, 2014 // 23 Comments

David Jablow is a multi-media artist who took some suggestive mid-2oth century “doodle pads” and added his own creative flair to them. Remember kiddies, this is back before internet porn. This is what you call: Do-it-yourself-porn. Hopefully you good at drawing…accessories. Below is the doodle we picked to feature on this [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: WTF News Headlines

July 19, 2014 // 36 Comments

Grandfather had a special way to fold his newspaper when he read it. It was quite the origami master fold. It was so he could read the paper easier and then end with the jumble puzzle as a treat for getting through the boring political sections. For those unfamiliar with newspapers, they are long and wide. *That’s what she said.* [Click For More]

LAP’s Staff Contest Winner Pictures

July 14, 2014 // 37 Comments

Congratulations again to our contest winner, Catherine! She’s the author of the blog, Always a Redhead, and sole proprietor of the only Long Awkward Pause swag on the planet to date. Well, that is unless there’s another Long Awkward Pause that we’re not aware of that is preparing to spank our butts with a copyright [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Strange but Real Driving Laws

July 12, 2014 // 21 Comments

If you haven’t seen the show, House of Cards, it’s about the corruption and intrigue behind the nation’s capital. Did we mention it stars a friend of ours? *Name drop in 5…4…3….* Kevin Spacey! In the show…between killing drunk Congressmen, back stabbing the President, fighting the Chinese, and some [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Hilariously Inappropriate Kids Notes

July 5, 2014 // 49 Comments

Oh, kids… They are the light of your life, the pain in your neck, the meaning of your existence, and the drain on your pocket book. So when one of your little offspring comes waddling up to you in their little feety pajamas with the back butt flap half buttoned and hands you a piece of artwork that they have worked so hard on…your [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Funny Sexy Mugshot Guy Memes

June 28, 2014 // 51 Comments

What does it take to get your 15 minutes of fame on the internet? Apparently some baby blue eyes and five counts of weapon possession and one count of gang related activities. Jeremy Meek’s mugshot went viral after the Stockton Police Department released his mugshot on Facebook. Who knew the police department was so into keeping up with [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Popular Brand Slogans Revised

June 21, 2014 // 23 Comments

Before the advent of marketing, there was a time when people lived in grass huts and ate acorns for breakfast. It was a much simpler time back then, because people didn’t have to stand in line on Black Friday to buy TVs to watch Kim Kardashian. Instead, they drew pictures of her on rocks with sticks covered in animal dung. Nowadays [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause Pop Quiz Winner Announced!

June 19, 2014 // 35 Comments

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Boy, placing an exclamation point after a contest announcement really hypes it up, eh? Exclamation points add so much excitement! Without one, the context completely changes. But enough of the grammar lessons, because [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Animal Photo Bombs

June 14, 2014 // 57 Comments

________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The world is divided up into two categories: Animal Lovers and Animal Haters. The Animal Lovers enjoy all sorts of living creatures. They like the furry ones. They like the slimy ones. They like them in the yard, they like them in the car. [Click For More]

Help us Celebrate our One Year Anniversary with a Chance to Win Cash and Prizes!

June 12, 2014 // 57 Comments

Today is a very special day here at Long Awkward Pause because it marks our first year anniversary! *Throws confetti* *Spits out confetti* After all the hard work and bantering that’s gone on over the past year, we’ve decided to conduct a pop quiz today to see how well you think you know the staff. For the first time ever [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: R-Rated Children’s Books?

June 7, 2014 // 32 Comments

The bed time story… A tradition that is fading fast. Now instead of the bedtime story being read by an ever-tired parent, it’s usually the TV or an iPhone that lulls the child into a deep, deep, slumber. That’s pretty sad. We at Long Awkward Pause are working on an app that will read children’s stories for you, kind of [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Truth In Pinterest Boards

May 31, 2014 // 58 Comments

Pinterest used to be about knitting, cooking, inspirational quotations, kittens, puppies, weddings, makeup and fashion. That’s when women ruled the Pinterest boards and everything was rainbows and unicorns on rainbows. Men thought Pinterest was stupid and gay… and women and gay people were OK with that. “Let them think [Click For More]

LAP’s 12 Step Guide to Assembling Cheap Furniture

May 27, 2014 // 83 Comments

Knowing how to assemble cheap furniture is an important domestic skill that is often overlooked today. It’s not as valuable as learning how to iron out the perfect pleat, or how to remove alcohol-enriched vomit stains from your microsuede, but it’s up there. Please note that no matter what type of cheap furniture piece you decide [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: The United States of What?

May 24, 2014 // 53 Comments

It’s no secret that the rest of the world is not all that fond of Americans; it’s somewhat rightly deserved. American’s are proud. We are even proud of things we should not be proud of, like the fact that we are #1 in obesity, or #1 in daytime talk show drivel, or even #1 in bacon memes. But to us, all that matters is that [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Photoshopping Sad Batman

May 17, 2014 // 39 Comments

It was announced that Ben Affleck was going to play Batman in the new movie: Batman vs. Superman. And the internet imploded…Rubix’s Cubes solved themselves…Zebras and Lions started dinning together…fruit cakes started selling in droves… No one wanted Ben Affleck to play Batman. Why? I don’t know. Ben can do [Click For More]