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The Saturday Six: Animal Photo Bombs

 saturday 6________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The world is divided up into two categories: Animal Lovers and Animal Haters.

The Animal Lovers enjoy all sorts of living creatures.

They like the furry ones. They like the slimy ones. They like them in the yard, they like them in the car. They would like to take them to the bar.Yes, Sam I am, they like them everywhere. Animal Lovers also seem to have a great indifference to these things that destroy their furniture, shed on their clothes, and treat their carpet as their own personal toilet.

[Rants: someone is way too in touch with the furry lifestyle… I’m checking staff backgrounds now… ]

The Animal Haters, on the other hand, enjoy pointing out to the Animal Lovers that their house smells, lawns are made for grooming, not pooping, and beef is delicious.

One thing everyone can agree on, is the Animal Kingdom’s push against Man to take over the internet. They will not be satisfied until they do. You can’t surf Google, Facebook, or Reddit without coming across some sort of mention of, meme of, or animated gif of, an animal being cute, silly, or deadly fascinating.

This must be stopped.

FYI: We believe Grumpy Cat is their leader.

grumpycat

Rants in an alternate life

Happy Saturday!


1.

animalphotobombs1

Calahan – Knowing that his love for Doris was unrequited and technically illegal, Mittens decided to jump rather than witness his soulmate marry another.

Chris – A scene from the new reality show: Catzillas of Bridezillas.

Rants – Good form, super composition.  Artistic element is… fabulous!  9.3.

Ned – “WHAT?!? Cat Scratch Fever isn’t on the PLAY LIST?!?”

Ad-libbed – The moment he was airborne, Mr. Fiddles realized that he had jumped far too early in his attempt to catch the wedding bouquet.

2.

animalphotobombs2

Omawarisan – That was the day we realized that Marty Feldman had been reincarnated.

Calahan – “This is Alex Ostridge reporting to you live where this guy said, and I quote, ‘Duhhhh. Llama. Hee hee.’ ”

RantsWait… fuck the ostrich… WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IS THE LLAMA BITING HER NIPPLE?  AND SHE’S SMILING!  Sorry, Blue Tee Shirt guy, you just got pwned by a llama.

Ned – In this scene from The Sixth Sense II, young Timmy reveals to his therapist that he often sees dead animals.

Ad-libbed – “Look into my eyeeeeees…look deeeeep into my eyeeees….you do not want to feed the llama….you want to feeeeeed the ostriiiich…”

3.

animalphotobombs3

Omawarisan – When the twins arrived, the family reunion was complete.

Calahan – Once again, another photograph was ruined by Leonard, Seaworld’s only hippo that insists on doing racist impressions of Japanese stereotypes.

Rants – ‘Honey, check out this photo where I was posing and this ugly fucking creature pressed up against the glass.  It was wrapped up in all kinds of material, and it was dry!’

Ned – The last photograph of a Jack, moments before that tiny fracture in the glass everyone had been ignoring finally gave way…

Ad-libbed – With only two people in the police line-up, Gary suddenly became very concerned he would be wrongfully accused of the recent rash of lettuce theft from the aquarium.

4.

animalphotobombs4

Calahan – Nutsy knew the golden rule: Always get close enough to turn the camera off, then devour the tourists.

Chris – Thinking about sending a dick pic…

Rants – SQUIRREL: “SOS send help, he’s related to Richard Gere!!!”

Ned – I said WAIT, Mabel! Those f@#%ing idiots are still behind me!

Ad-libbed – Samuel the photogenic squirrel was fast reaching his breaking point. “No, I said you need to adjust the aperture, not the shutter speed. No…that’s the ISO setting. Dammit, do I have to come over there myself?”

5.

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Omawarisan – AFLAC announces the most effortless way yet to pay your insurance premiums.

Calahan – In that moment, Ellen learned that she was allergic to down. An hour later, she learned she was $5 short of purchasing a much needed anti-histamine.

Rants – “Hey, baby, here’s something I don’t need under my wing.  Let’s say I’m grateful and want to show you how much, duck-style.”

Ned – Though she insisted the triplets weren’t his, Duckworth knew better and contributed as best he could when she wasn’t looking.

Ad-libbed – After being kicked out of dental school, Arnold was forced to resort to any means necessary to feed his growing addiction to quack cocaine.

6.

animalphotobombs6

Calahan – Try as they might, neither Carrie nor Amber could never come to terms with the fact they were often upstaged by a dog’s butt.

Chris – Boobs

Rants – You never know how or when the cry for help will come.  Help end pet sodomy.

Ned – “Hold  on, girls. Let me show you what REALLY makes the boys come to the yard…”

Ad-libbed – Although the girls did all they could to make him feel welcome, every day during “selfie hour” Barkley knew, deep down, that he really wasn’t part of the clique.

—–

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

39 Comments on The Saturday Six: Animal Photo Bombs

  1. The cat one looks like it was cropped from the Matrix

    Cue the techno music:
    *bumpa ticka bumpa ticka bumpa ticka bumpa ticka*

    Like

  2. No horse’s ass? I can’t believe you’d exclude a horse’s ass! You guys are species racists.
    You’re a bunch of horse’s asses.
    Oh. Okay.
    I see what you did there.
    Well played.

    Like

  3. I need more pets.

    Like

  4. I think I’ve been scarred for life by that last pic.
    I blame Ned Hickson.

    Like

  5. There are plenty of those who think that animals are both cute and delicious.

    Like

  6. love these chris, i have a thing for whimsy and animals.

    Like

  7. 1jaded1 // June 14, 2014 at 3:50 pm //

    All funny, but the hippo one is the best. Happy Saturday!

    Like

  8. #6 – the idea that there may be some people who have a “selfie hour” is worse for me than the dog’s butt.

    My absolute favorite animal-bomb is one of three girls at some resort, chest-deep in water and being “hugged” from behind by a large skate or ray (the kind that swim, that is).

    Like

  9. I’m just happy the picture of… well… nevermind what I was doing naked that night – I’m relieved you didn’t stumble on that little gem of historic art.

    Like

  10. You can’t trust Grumpy Cat! I just knew he was trying to take over. That ostrich is going to give me nightmares.

    Like

  11. You got me at the thieving duck (5) lol

    Like

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