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The Saturday Six: Truth In Pinterest Boards

 saturday 6
 

Pinterest used to be about knitting, cooking, inspirational quotations, kittens, puppies, weddings, makeup and fashion. That’s when women ruled the Pinterest boards and everything was rainbows and unicorns on rainbows. Men thought Pinterest was stupid and gay… and women and gay people were OK with that.

“Let them think that. Stay away from our beloved cupcake-wearing-sweaters-picture-sharing site,” was the internal monologue of females everywhere.

Then some guy got the bright idea to post a picture of a hot woman showing a little too much cleavage and the flood gate of cars, beer, butts and boobs starting filtering into the feeds of macaroni art, designer scarves and high hair braids.

Was Pinterest ruined?

Did this new flock of testosterone boards about farts and hub caps taint the pristine landscape of a happy chocolate martini filled Pinterest?

Nah… it’s still mostly woman-ruled.

But now… as a bonus… manly men can secretly try to recreate cookie monster cupcakes without any one knowing about it.

cupcakes

Happy Saturday!

#ApplaudTheJellyfish


1.  Artistically-Enhanced Cookies

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Omawarisan:  Why would anyone go to this much trouble? Don’t they know there are whole tubes of cookie dough that you can cut the end off of and squeeze into your mouth?

BrainRants: I had something funny to say, but Oma’s comment… yeah, that.  I’m concurring like a doctor.

Chris: I like all the cool looking cookies you see on Pinterest…then you try to duplicate them, like those mittens…and it ends up looking like a boxing glove instead,

Katie: I’m just alarmed anyone needs to be forced to buy a bag of Oreos.

Jack: Mmmmmmmm, Oreos… droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

Ned: Sorry, but I’m just imagining the sounds of screaming children should those horribly disfigured Cookie Monster cupcakes ever make it into stores.

Calahan: I’m not sure that chocolate chip cookies should be listed under the ‘complicated cookie’ category. You buy the right Ben and Jerry’s flavor, leave it out in the sun until the ice cream is melted, take out the cookie dough pieces, throw them onto a piece of tinfoil and bake in the oven. How hard is that?

2.  Working on my Six-Pack

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Omawarisan: I find bicycle crunches hard on my molars.

BrainRants: I used to look like this.  Now I don’t because I’m 45.  Anyone my age who looks like this spends too much time in a gym worshiping themselves, so why would I want to date that?  Besides, curves are so much more fun.  Experience totally rocks.

Chris: I look like a bag of flour threw up.

Katie: I guess people who are in good shape never cover their stomachs.

Jack: At least this is ten times cheaper than buying a gym membership and then ignoring said membership.

Ned: I’ve discovered my wife is more turned on by me doing the laundry than having washboard abs, so yeah — I’m pumping those detergent jugs.

Calahan: I’ve just discovered that my wife is more turned on by Ned doing laundry than his having washboard abs. I don’t know how to feel about that.

3.  Pretentious Pillows

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Omawarisan: The other sides of these three pillows are all much cooler.  [Editor’s Note:  Like.]

BrainRants: What’s the use in throwing pillows?  If – IF – I need your attention, I’ll throw a wrench or a running power tool at you.

Katie: See, I would think getting drool on these when you inevitably fall asleep on the couch would be a much more devastating blow than if the pillows didn’t have all kinds of different shit written on them. Bet they didn’t think of that.

Jack: I personally like it when I wake up in the morning and there’s an imprint of “Hakuna Matata” in reverse on my face.

Ned: These pillows take the sting out of throwing them at your dog for licking themselves when company is over.

Calahan: Hey, It’s-A-Good-Day-To-Be-Happy pillow, you may be right, but it will never be a good day to be a throw pillow. Middle pillow, nice to meet you. Hakuna Matata pillow, well, expect a visit from Disney’s legal firm. That will not be a good day to be happy, I can assure you.

4.  Jart

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Omawarisan: I pity the fool who has to ask why I keep my magnifying glass with my spatulas.

BrainRants: Best used for jelly and moonshine… at least one of these is close to correct.  Maybe two if that’s jellied gasoline in the middle…

Katie: Ever since the mason jar became trendy, I’ve saved so much money on gift bags, vases, glasses, and bowls.

Ned: And what happens when some guy named Mason shows up asking for his jars back? Oh well, I guess it’s back to drinking my mojitos from those giant Costco pickle jars…

Calahan: I only ever use James Mason jars because they have a way cooler voice. James Mason jars turn your homemade hooch into Napoleon Brandy.

Chowderhead:  Stop dumping out my jelly!!!  Put your spoons in a drawer.  Stop dumping out my jelly.

5.  Cute Poop-Makers

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Omawarisan: You can keep me from having a dog. You can’t stop me from marking my territory.

BrainRants: Dafuq is wrong with the animal on the right?!?

Katie: This tenant should be thanking their landlord for keeping lazy, depressed dogs out of the apartment complex.

Jack: Cue the Sarah McLachlan!

Ned: Hey, at least it’s not more damned cats.

Calahan: By your ‘lease’ you mean the agreement you have with your mom, right? The one written on a KFC napkin? The one that says that it’s just for a few months, until the band takes off and you become famous? Is that the ‘lease’ you mean?

6.  Rembrandt in the Morning

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BrainRants: I’m proud to live in a country where people can be worried about this kind of shit, as opposed to say, finding food or shelter.

Chris: You women spend so much wasted time on this…men don’t wear make up! Except David Bowie, Peter Gabriel, Kiss, and Dennis Rodman…

Katie: And like so many of those working towards an art degree, no one kindly suggested that the woman in the middle pursue something else.

Ned: I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the one on the far right is the pattern Leatherface used.

Calahan: Make-up is kind of like CGI. It’s done well if you don’t notice it, but if it’s over-the-top or just done poorly, then that’s all you see.

—–

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

57 Comments on The Saturday Six: Truth In Pinterest Boards

  1. I love Pinterest…for all the things I’ll never have. It’s just scary looking up at normal life afterwards.

    Like

  2. Nobody draws mittens on cookies..

    Like

  3. Oma, grab yourself a magnifying glass. I think that’s a strainer.

    Like

  4. Thank you for the formal introduction to Pinterest.

    Happy Saturday.

    Like

  5. There’s an entire universe I’ve never explored.
    Thank you, Christopher De Voss, for enlightening this naive Canadian bellman.

    Like

  6. I signed up with Pinterest, but I don’t use it. I need me some throw pillows to throw. Ha ha. Well done, guys. Just so you know, I collected mason jars before they were cool!

    Like

  7. Lol very funny and the comments even funnier :-d

    Like

  8. Dear god, this is funny. Also, I need to step up my caption game.

    Like

  9. NotAPunkRocker // May 31, 2014 at 9:03 pm //

    I love my colorful facial spackle, but the Mason jar mess has got to end. Somehow people associate them with “home” and “comfort”. That’s only true when they’re full of ‘shine, not salads.

    Like

  10. I hadn’t realized there was any testosterone on Pinterest. Thanks for the tip. When I did a bit of a search, I found some crazy guy stuff – like these dudes testing bullet-proof vests while wearing them back in 1923: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/279856564319368356/
    Apparently, the concept of YOLO is not a recent phenomenon.

    Like

  11. I think I have a Pinterest account….pretty sure…yes I think so.

    Like

  12. Pillows with stuff written on them are fug. A lot of stuff with stuff written on it is! Especially if it just says hello.

    “fitness inspiration for what my body would look like if i didn’t eat all the food on my other boards”

    SPOT ON

    Like

  13. butterbeerholic // June 5, 2014 at 8:35 am //

    Haha this post is amazing. But pinterest is great for the creative minds. 😀

    Like

  14. My numbers are so far down on my blog they’re practically non-existent, so I am currently feeding my need for applause through my pinterest account. I swear I get titillated when someone likes or reposts my pinterest shit! I know, it’s a sickness.

    Like

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