humor

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Vol 20

February 20, 2016 // 2 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Grammy talk and Deadpool memes that is the web-net-inter-superhighway. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re not, please [Click For More]

10 New Major Endorsements Won By Donald Trump

February 19, 2016 // 9 Comments

Last week, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign had received a major boost when in a public appearance, former vice-presidential candidate and TV personality Sarah Palin went on raving and incoherent rant about Donald Trump and America, which most experts agreed constituted an endorsement of Donald Trump’s candidacy for president. But [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #38 The Pre-Clip Show

February 17, 2016 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: The Rule of the Clip Show, Three’s Company Lyrics Dissected, Antonin Scalia, American Government 101, Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Can’t Speak Spanish, Man Skips Work For Six Years, Full Frontal, Kevin [Click For More]

So….Got Any Big Plans for the Weekend?

February 12, 2016 // 7 Comments

You almost forgot again, didn’t you? Well, never mind, you’ve just got time. Stop what you’re doing, before it’s too late. Clear your schedule. Have you taken care of dinner? Are you wearing the right clothes? Be sure that you’ve carefully set the mood, down to the last detail. You can’t afford to screw this [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #37 Guest: Dr Smith

February 10, 2016 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: Guest Dr. Smith, Hockey Bowls, Cleveland Browns, Year of the Monkey, The Super Bowl, Manning Makes Out With Papa John, Best and Worst Super Bowl Commercials, Taco Bell, The New KFC Colonel, Snoop [Click For More]

Ode to Mountain Dew

February 8, 2016 // 13 Comments

According to Wikipedia, in 1940 two Tennessee beverage bottlers named Barney and Ally Hartman invented the formula for Mountain Dew. Below is my tribute to those two fine men: I walked into the 7-11 and quickly made my way to the back of the store where the drink coolers are located. Immediately, I could see it staring back at me. The [Click For More]

See? We don’t know what Taco Bell’s new menu item is either

February 5, 2016 // 26 Comments

There are certain perks that come with being a syndicated columnist. For example, just last month at the Oregon Plumbling Convention, I was honored with delivering the opening plunge in the Northwest Clogged Commode competition. In terms of prestige, this is like ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange. At least in the competitive [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #36 Bacon Cheeseburger Ring

February 3, 2016 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: Winning Big At Poker, Celebrity Apprentice, Joe Communistic Attitude Towards Dairy Queen, Cake Cone Tips, Batman bushes, American Crime, Cell Phones In Movie Theaters, Susan Sarandon’s SAG Awards Boobs, Carol Burnett, Burger King vs. Wendy’s, The Best [Click For More]

LAP’s Cooking Playlist

February 1, 2016 // 12 Comments

I have two major passions in my life. Oops, forgot about the kids – make that THREE major passions in my life. But this isn’t a mommy blog, so you’re stuck with the other two. The first is food. Pretty obvious considering my blogging name, right? I love making food, eating other food that people made for me, reading about food, [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 17

January 30, 2016 // 10 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Twitter wars and life hack memes that is the world web net surfing thing. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re [Click For More]

LAP chews fat with Surgeon General about obesity problem

January 29, 2016 // 40 Comments

Like many of you, I’ll never forget where I was when I heard the shocking news that obesity had officially become the No. 1 preventable health crisis in the nation. In fact, I can even tell you which super-sized meal I was eating. With millions of Americans resolved to lose weight for the New Year, now is the perfect time for us to [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #35 Eagles Vs Pink Floyd

January 27, 2016 // 1 Comment

On Today’s Show: Eye exams, Glenn Frey, Best selling albums of all time, Changes to the Oscars, Religious Donald Trump, TV’s renewals and cancellations, Amy [Click For More]

Eclectic; A Hipster Conversation

January 22, 2016 // 14 Comments

byline: Jude the Hipster Eclectic; a hipster conversation From the Merriam Webster online dictionary- ECLECTIC: (n) one who uses a method or approach that is composed of elements drawn from various sources; one who uses an eclectic method or approach. For the most part, people who use the term “eclectic” really piss me off. Generally, people [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #34 Everybody Is Curious

January 20, 2016 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: Laryngitis Awareness, Girl meets World meets Girl, Women daytime talk shows, Al Rooker is funny, Powerball Winners and losers, GoFund Me, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, The Tall Man, Celine Dion, The Oscars Are [Click For More]

Men That Cannot Get Laid

January 18, 2016 // 23 Comments

Have you ever met a straight man and thought to yourself…hmmmmmmmmmmm the only vagina you have ever seen was the one that you gave you life? The reason why they are not dating, or having any sort of a sexual relationship with a woman is because they lack communication skills. Period. End of story. Some men just do not get the concept of how to [Click For More]

2016: We Aren’t Potty Trained

January 14, 2016 // 11 Comments

2015 has come and is gone the way of anyone’s intestines after a two-hour long Indian food fest: down the drain, hopefully without the help of a plunger or a plumber. Let me further this metaphor, and I apologize ahead of time if you are currently eating. Let’s imagine that each year represents a pair of underwear in America’s [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #33 A Whole Lot Of People Died In 2015

January 12, 2016 // 2 Comments

On Today’s Show: Season 3: The first Over The Line of 2016. Lottery, Wrong Mail. Plus, Ken Griffey Jr gets into the Hall of Fame. A quick look back at 2015. And what the ‘F’ is wrong with Joe’s [Click For More]

Handmade Is The New Sexy

January 11, 2016 // 13 Comments

We all received that special gift this past holiday. The one that someone close to you formed out of earthly elements or with wool sheared from an exotic animal. Exotic to you if you’ve never been closer to a sheep than the ones on your onesie your husband bought you as a joke but that you secretly love because it’s got a poop shoot. [Click For More]

Canada turns to LAP to broker peace with U.S.

January 7, 2016 // 36 Comments

Special Report ALBERTA, Canada — In an unprecedented move aimed at easing tensions between the U.S. and Canada following Justin Bieber’s request for permanent U.S. citizenship, Canadian officials have agreed to what they are calling a “mutually offensive [Click For More]

General Tso, who are you?

January 4, 2016 // 7 Comments

General Tso, who are you? Wikepedia describes you as a general who lived in Xiangyin during the 1800’s, yet the dish named after you was never eaten there, nor anywhere else near your city. What gives General? Who are you General? The world wants to know. The “chef’s special” wants to know. The mall food court wants to know who you are. I [Click For More]