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So….Got Any Big Plans for the Weekend?

February 12, 2016 // 7 Comments

You almost forgot again, didn’t you? Well, never mind, you’ve just got time. Stop what you’re doing, before it’s too late. Clear your schedule. Have you taken care of dinner? Are you wearing the right clothes? Be sure that you’ve carefully set the mood, down to the last detail. You can’t afford to screw this [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 17

January 30, 2016 // 10 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Twitter wars and life hack memes that is the world web net surfing thing. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re [Click For More]

Eclectic; A Hipster Conversation

January 22, 2016 // 14 Comments

byline: Jude the Hipster Eclectic; a hipster conversation From the Merriam Webster online dictionary- ECLECTIC: (n) one who uses a method or approach that is composed of elements drawn from various sources; one who uses an eclectic method or approach. For the most part, people who use the term “eclectic” really piss me off. Generally, people [Click For More]

Men That Cannot Get Laid

January 18, 2016 // 23 Comments

Have you ever met a straight man and thought to yourself…hmmmmmmmmmmm the only vagina you have ever seen was the one that you gave you life? The reason why they are not dating, or having any sort of a sexual relationship with a woman is because they lack communication skills. Period. End of story. Some men just do not get the concept of how to [Click For More]

LAP TV: Yelp Reviews!

December 28, 2015 // 5 Comments

This is the first episode of this series; it will definitely get better. I am still learning about writing comedic material, and shooting. So bear with me, but this first episode focuses on Yelp and some reviews that were a bit over the top. There will be more episodes soon to follow. This initial episode focuses on Denny’s. I hope you enjoy [Click For More]

The Cost of The 12 Days of Christmas

December 24, 2015 // 14 Comments

On the First Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me…. A Partridge in a Pear Tree: True Love Spends: Pear Tree: Around $20 Partridge: $15-20 Your cost: To upkeep the pear tree: $390 a year Bird maintenance: $200 to $400 a [Click For More]

Weird Christmas Ornaments

December 14, 2015 // 13 Comments

While some are at war with Christmas, others are celebrating the new made up holiday of Merry Trumpmas: The remainder are either pulling out that flame retardant fake Christmas Tree, the one with the bottom row of branches that the factory installed lights won’t come on anymore, but that’s ok. We [Click For More]

Geisha Silver Porn: The Reissue

December 8, 2015 // 16 Comments

The internet. Home to weirdos in search of naked silver geishas. What does that even mean? I’m not sure. I’m just a polite(ish) girl with a clever moniker — Gunmetal Geisha — playing messenger and bringing you the bizarre search terms that lead to my blog, gunmetalgeisha.com. Aside from the garden variety pervy searches, [Click For More]

Megacon Fan Days 2015 (The Mini Convention That Roared)

December 1, 2015 // 10 Comments

You have been standing in line for an hour. Ahead of you sits three kids wearing pokemon hats, two grown adults dressed as Captain American, four Norman Reedus clones and a partridge in a pear tree. Also, there is someone who looks like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and Spider-man. But you are not sure… You ask him. Yes. He is [Click For More]

Happy Thanksgiving 2015

November 26, 2015 // 2 Comments

As another Thanksgiving comes and goes, with the smell of turkey and over zealous pigskin testosterone filling the air, plus the promise of Black Friday starting on a Thursday…around 6 pm…looming ahead of us like bright shiny gold filled gum drops dropped by a half naked pudgy baby…we at Long Awkward Pause are thankful [Click For More]

South Sobian Tinder

November 16, 2015 // 14 Comments

There is a small country located just south of Siberia called South Sobia. It’s small. It’s poor, but its people are proud. They work hard. They are mostly farmers and bar keeps. In fact, there are almost as many farmers as there are bar keeps. Weird. In the middle of South Sobia is where the library is located, and in the library [Click For More]

Homecoming Season Advice

November 5, 2015 // 15 Comments

I came out of my cave and realized that we’re getting close to homecoming and/or prom season and other holiday-related date situation seasons. By the way, the sun was really bright. It hurt. Moving on… I decided that all of the LAP Angry Dads out there (you know who you are) need a helpful guide to this perilous time of the [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Six

October 31, 2015 // 10 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Halloweening, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if you’re [Click For More]

Lamar Odom – I Don’t Care

October 23, 2015 // 27 Comments

Sick of hearing about Lamar Odom, cocaine, hookers and his wife? Me too. Let's do something about it. [Click For More]

7 Ways to Get your Kid to Drop the Video Game…in a Flash

October 20, 2015 // 63 Comments

“No. I can’t leave,” my son says, his voice tight and low. “I’m in the middle of a raid!” These words are from the mouth of my tweener son, twelve years of know-it-all and dedicated gamer of the multiplayer variety. Typically, he shares his two-word vocabulary of “Good” and “K” sent via [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Five

October 17, 2015 // 22 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Nipple Tweeking, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if [Click For More]

I’m the Male Jennifer Aniston

October 15, 2015 // 14 Comments

Why are you laughing? It’s true in so many ways. We’re both damn good looking even though we’re on the wrong side of forty. We’re both adored and emulated by people around the world. We both have been on television shows – History Channel for me (which I should tell you about sometime) and some little-known NBC sitcom for her. [Click For More]

In Which The Dog and I Discuss the New Pope

October 13, 2015 // 17 Comments

I had a conversation with the dog today. We were talking about the new pope. For the first time ever, I am actually not only aware of the Pope’s activities, but I am also finding I actually kinda like this Pope. I tried to explain this to Malachi, but it turns out, he’s not a very [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Four

October 10, 2015 // 32 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Pope Stalking, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if you’re [Click For More]