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I’m the Male Jennifer Aniston

Why are you laughing?

It’s true in so many ways.  We’re both damn good looking even though we’re on the wrong side of forty.   We’re both adored and emulated by people around the world.   We both have been on television shows – History Channel for me (which I should tell you about sometime) and some little-known NBC sitcom for her.

And we both have been equally honored by People Magazine’s Most Beautiful list.

aniston people


OK, that last one’s a little stretch.  But I’d like to point out that she’s only won it one more time than I have.

But seriously, there’s one thing that sticks out that makes me wonder whether Jen and I came from the same uterus.   Correction – make that two things that stick out.    Here’s Jen.

aniston friends


And here’s me.

aniston red


Can you pick out what it is?  No?   How about now –

aniston teal

Yup, we both suffer from EN-SOLAR (Erect Nipples Shooting Out Like Rockets).  It doesn’t matter what the temperature is, whether we’re inside or out.  Our nipples are constantly poking out at people.

aniston long sleeve

Ummm, excuse me. My face is up here.

When I work out, I’m particularly fond of thinner, softer, form-fitting t-shirts.   They are more comfortable and don’t flap around or bunch up.   But that thinness makes my affliction all the more visable.

aniston lolla


But even when I wear thicker t-shirts, they still shine through.

aniston oj


Then again, I probably shouldn’t be wearing that one in public.


I thought that wearing shirts with patterns might help obscure them or draw attention away from then.

aniston pattern


They still poke through when I’m wearing a damn sweater.

aniston sweater


At least with Jen, she can wear a padded bra. No such luck for me as the Manziere hasn’t yet hit stores.

aniston manziere sodaheadcom


It’s also not fair that – as any pubescent boy can tell you – it’s a helluva lot sexier on a chick.

aniston pinterest


See what I mean?  It’s just not fair.




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About thefoodandwinehedonist (9 Articles)
I don't know everything about the world of food and wine, but I'm not going to let a small detail like that stop me from blogging about it.

14 Comments on I’m the Male Jennifer Aniston

  1. You should get the same haircut….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I promise not to look at your nipples when/if ever we happen to meet, so would you prefer I look upwards or downwards instead?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There’s one more similarity – Brad Pitt picked Angelina over both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not certain this is a problem. One way to deal with it is to just over-accentuate them. I’d try gilding, pasties with tassles, or maybe a modified 1950’s-style ‘support bra’ (the kind that looks like it’s made with NASA reentry cones). I hear LED’s are edging into the fashion accessory world now, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Cary Vaughn // October 15, 2015 at 10:27 am //

    OMG. I suffer from the same problem. It is SO nice knowing that I am not alone in my struggle.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Am I the only one who was hoping for a little nip slip? *saucy grin*

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “Always use everything you got”, Jen

    Liked by 1 person

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