Long Awkward Pause On Coffee

Posted on August 31, 2013 by Howard Gantz, Manager in BrainRants, Christopher De Voss, Coffee, Howard Gantz, Humor, Justin Gawel, Monk Monkey // 19 Comments

Hello!

Howard Ganz here, manager of Long Awkward Pause, and I’m excited to introduce this week’s topic:

Coffee!

It was sent in to us from Sandy Osorno and reads;

“Hi Christopher, Julie here, just an out coffeeholic and a reader of your website. 🙂 I came across this great infographic about America’s addiction on this lovely drink, revealing how much caffeine you get in different types of coffee and products: http://www.topcounselingschools.org/is-america-a-nation-of-java-junkies/. Since I’ve noticed you published something similar some time ago, I thought you can make good use of this, as well. Have a wonderful day! J.”

What is confusing is that the message was sent from Sandy Osorno, but in the body of the message someone named Julie identifies herself. This can only be exampled by one of three theories:

1) Sandy/Julie has split personalities

2) Sandy/Julie is a spambot

3) Sandy/Julie is a spambot with split personalities

Regardless, Sandy/Julie you should check out our merchandise section of the web site. Our T-Shirts are 100% durable against rust and will breathe nicely against any shiny, blinky, chest dials you may have. It doesn’t matter if you’re a coffee-guzzling spambot with split personalities or a regular joe schmo human like me, get yourself a T-Shirt today!

Starting tomorrow, join Justin, Rants, Christopher, and Monk Monkey as Long Awkward Pause takes on Coffee!

Howard Gantz, manager.

About Howard Gantz, Manager (11 Articles)

Howard Gantz, Manager of Long Awkward Pause here. My credentials include managing the super boy band 98 Back Sync and Ron Howard’s second cousin, Doogie Howard. My father is Richard Gantz, owner of the Gantz T-Shirt Factory.

19 Comments on Long Awkward Pause On Coffee

tarnishedsophia // August 31, 2013 at 3:23 pm //

I for one welcome our spambot overlords…so long as they don’t make us all drink coffee. I like tea. 🙂

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 3:41 pm //
  
  I’m sure a tea spambot is out there…somewhere…
  
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1jaded1 // August 31, 2013 at 5:32 pm //

Well played. Even better if Sandy/Julie ends up buying a T-shirt!

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 5:34 pm //
  
  They won’t. Spambots are cheap.
  
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The Bumble Files // August 31, 2013 at 5:41 pm //

Do you really have merchandise? is it stained with coffee? That would be the best!

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 5:54 pm //
  
  We really do! And it’s not stained with coffee. That’s something you have to do on your own.
  
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Soma Mukherjee // August 31, 2013 at 7:00 pm //

I want T shirt but i don’t want to pay for it. Infact i don’t want to pay for anything i want..but nothing is free..horrible world.

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 7:13 pm //
  
  You never know… Howard may give a few out… then again, he is a cheap bastard…
  
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BrainRants // August 31, 2013 at 9:54 pm //

Oh hellz yeah, I love me some coffee!

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 11:02 pm //
  
  Isn’t that required by army law?
  
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  - BrainRants // August 31, 2013 at 11:16 pm //
    
    Pretty much, yes. Where’s my cup?
    
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    - Christopher De Voss // September 1, 2013 at 12:12 am //
      
      How do you take it?
      
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calahan // August 31, 2013 at 10:51 pm //

Hear that, coffee? They’re taking you on. Coffee’s gonna have to change its name soon due to shame.

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- Christopher De Voss // August 31, 2013 at 11:02 pm //
  
  Coffee, You’re going down!
  
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  - calahan // September 1, 2013 at 2:23 am //
    
    You’re next, Tea!
    
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Monk Monkey // August 31, 2013 at 11:09 pm //

I wish I was a spambot.

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- Christopher De Voss // September 1, 2013 at 12:12 am //
  
  Me too…
  
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floridaborne // September 1, 2013 at 1:56 pm //

I’m a tea drinker, too. Have you ever had a cup of Thompson’s Irish breakfast tea? That stuff would clean the inside of a septic tank.

Seriously, an Excedrin has as much caffeine in it as a cup of coffee. If you put “Caffeine use disorder DSM V” in a search engine, you’ll come up with a couple of websites stating it is being considered to be included in Substance Use Disorders.

Let me tell you what that means. The DSM is the bible for psych’s. I have Tourette’s, which is now classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder under the new DSM V. It’s the section in which you’ll find Intellectual Disabilities (previously called Mental Retardation), ADD, Autism, Stuttering and Learning Disabilities. I thought it was bad enough that I couldn’t get insurance because I had Tourette’s.

Hmmm….perhaps there should be a new disorder called Politician personality disorder. That could be lumped under Schizophrenia, since politicians seem to be taking their orders from an invisible entity pulling their strings like a puppet that keeps telling them, “Screw your constituents.”. No…I think it might be more of a Narssisitic Personality disorder. Then, politicians could be denied insurance, too. Oh… wait…Obamacare. No. They won’t have to use 3rd world medical care, either.

My BAID. Do you really think Caffeine use should be lumped under the same heading as heroin, crack or alcohol? Nancy Pelosi can then call every person in the US crazy. Do you really want to give politicians that kind of power?

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- Christopher De Voss // September 1, 2013 at 2:07 pm //
  
  Whoa….you need to lay off the caffeine! I do like tea. I have never had that particular brand of irish breakfast, but I like any black tea really.
  
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