The Saturday Six: Corrupted Coloring Book Art
As a child, coloring was always a good time waster. It didn’t matter whether or not you colored in the lines, out of the lines, or like Robin Thicke, and colored with blurred lines.
And half naked dancing girls.
And Miley Cyrus, with a foam finger.
Taking a poll amongst the staffers of Long Awkward Pause, the favorite color from the crayon box ended up being…Burnt Umber. Mostly because of the name of the color and not the actual color itself. But upon reflection, Burnt Umber really doesn’t get the respect it deserves. There are no Burnt Umber colored clothes, there are no Burnt Umber colored fruits, and there are no Burnt Umber ribbons to wear on your label to celebrate some sort of disease or cause.
We at LAP have decided to redo the website in shades of Burnt Umber and Mustard Yellow. This is our small part in helping to right the wrong of the Burnt Umber plight.
Adam will be happy for the painstaking hours of work he now has to do to re-image the whole site.
Below are some artists that took everyday kid’s coloring pages and added their own unique twist to them. Unfortunately, not a single shade of Burnt Umber among them.
Anyway…
Happy Saturday!
1. Fire Ant?
Omawarisan: Dermatologists recommend a wide brimmed hat and sunscreen that is at least SPF 35.
List of X: I still have no idea what color is Burnt Umber, but at least now I know what color Burned Ant is.
BrainRants: Perfectly illustrates the twisted relationship between ants and magnifying glasses. A+
Ned: Maybe next time he’ll have the decency to wear some clothes to hide that third antenna.
2. Piranha’s Love Puppies
Omawarisan: If he’d have just read the warning signs on the river bank…this is why I’m starting a charity focused on K-9 literacy.
List of X: The gruesome death of the puppy doesn’t bother me half as much as the fact that piranhas are wearing lipstick.
BrainRants: That’s not lipstick. It’s Cute Puppy Blood, which is awesome. Perverse creativity. A-
Ned: On the bright side, think of how excited he’ll be when he finds those bones!
List of X: “Cute Puppy Blood”, now that’s an awesome name for a lipstick color!
3. In Space No One Can Hear You Meow
Omawarisan: I’m willing to admit this – I am overthinking this one. A coloring book picture and I’m thinking about physics. I don’t know anything of physics.
List of X: This is what happens when NASA sends a cat into space and forgets a litter box.
BrainRants: Explosive Decompression a la Garfield meets Gravity. B+
Ned: This is what happens to any astronaut, human or animal, when Justin Bieber’s “Believe” is the in-flight movie.
4. I Heart You
Omawarisan: Once you go robot you never go back.
List of X: This what happens when NASA also forgets cat food.
BrainRants: Not only will aliens rip out our pressurized hearts, they’ll give us prison sex, too. C+
Ned: Once again, Glondark’s overzealous welcome kicked off an inner-galactic war.
5. Saw For Children
List of X: Sorry, kids, Easter Bunny will be busy this year.
BrainRants: Good improvisation. Creepy clown mask dude. B
Ned: Looks like it’s finally time to see if making your own “lucky” rabbit’s foot works.
6. Go Sit In The Corner For Breaking Bad
Omawarisan: The original disturbs me as much as the altered version. Who would make a little kid churn butter? “That is really hard work”, he said as if he’d ever churned butter. Is tot-churned butter the latest trendy artisanal ingredient?
BrainRants: Yo yo! We makin’ fat stacks, yo! Need me? Leave digits… A-
Ned: I thought Sambo chased a tiger around a tree until it turned into butter? This seems like cheating.
List of X: Well, I’m just glad someone found their chemistry class useful. Or maybe it was a meth class.
Post Script: Chris, research indicates that Burnt Umber is the most frequently used Crayola when coloring underwear skidmarks. Just so you know. — Rants
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This makes me want to go buy a coloring book. Still have no idea what burnt umber is.
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It’s a browny orange. Send in your coloring pages to us so we can hang it on our fridge.
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First, we must discover what an “umber” is. Secondly, this was awesome. I enjoy the modification of the tail to tapeworm. Ha, I am still chuckling.
In a side note, I am still petitioning Crayola to allow “tittie pink” to be a color selection in crayons. You’d have to see my blog for further. Thank you for the much needed laugh this morning 🙂
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I love Boobs. I will sign.
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Ha ha ha ha! I’ll take all the support I can get. See what I did there?
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Keep me abreast of the situation.
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That was brilliant and I got nothin’.
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Actually nipples come in many different shades, so I’m thinking a box of crayons devoted to nothing but tits. Everything from pink to dark brown. We have a winner here. Be proud. It was your idea. We can pass them out on Breast Cancer runs.
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That is true. That is so very true. You actually could create an entire box of crayons based on the different colors. This justifies “tittie pink”.
It’s almost October. I don’t have much time.
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No you don’t. I’m here to help. I’ll do the research.
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I new game to play with Friends! You guys are brilliant! And Burnt Umber is the color of your Umber if you touch the Stove with it. Don’t do that. It hurts.
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Too late. I found out the hard way.
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Fiery ant straight from your twisted childhood imaginations. Love it.
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Those poor ants never get a break
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This is hilarious, I think I must follow this site.
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*using jedi mind trick * Yes, you must!
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Done, damn mind trick. 😉
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🙂
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I think we can blame Ned,I followed him over to your part of town.
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Ned rocks!
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He does!
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You are all deranged. In a good way. Best commentary ever.
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We thank you…in a deranged way.
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Hey, you can’t say that and not expect to get our umber up.
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Both pictures of #4 are just strange. And “cute puppy blood” for a color. Perfect. The poor puppy has bones for legs, but at least the blood can still be cute!
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If you say so lady! Haha
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Repeatedly chants, “Our future will be just fine.” *Bows to the creative genius/madness of these children* Happy Saturday!
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I’m thinking they were not children who did this…but more power to them.
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After visiting the site, I’m thinking you are right. My nieces and nephews have done similar things to their coloring books (not the risque from the site, but any one of the six you featured has probably crossed their minds).
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This makes me want to go buy a colouring book and get out the burnt umber.
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Burnt Umber thanks you.
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Out of all my three children not one of them enjoyed colouring books. All refused to use them, so grandma had endless amounts of colouring books that eventually my younger, well she had to be in her late teens early twenties, used.
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I liked to color. But never in the lines.
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*mind blown* it never occurred to me to add things to the page.
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I know! Me neither!
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Coloring coloring!!! Lalalalalalalalalala!
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Do you like the coloring?
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Burnt Umber! Usually found between Raw Umber and Burnt Sienna. All of them skidmark-applicable, sometimes nipple-ready.
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Nipples!
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Your posts are mental. I like that.
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Stay awhile then…
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Planning on it 😉
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Yay!
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I think we know the answer to whether the artist is a good witch or a bad witch.
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Witch one?
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I love no. 5 and Ned’s comment, we must have similar funny bones because my first thought was that he could hang the foot from his rearview mirror afterwards – also, I won’t lie the word upcycling did pop into my head LOL.
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Maybe you and Ned are long lost cousins…
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Perhaps… unfortunately it is more likely that we both have a somewhat macabre humour when it comes to bunnies 🙂
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Ah!
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