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The Saturday Six: Corrupted Coloring Book Art

 saturday 6

 As a child, coloring was always a good time waster. It didn’t matter whether or not you colored in the lines, out of the lines, or  like Robin Thicke, and colored with blurred lines.

And half naked dancing girls.

And Miley Cyrus, with a foam finger.

Taking a poll amongst the staffers of Long Awkward Pause,  the favorite color from the crayon box ended up being…Burnt Umber. Mostly because of the name of the color and not the actual color itself. But upon reflection, Burnt Umber really doesn’t get the respect it deserves. There are no Burnt Umber colored clothes, there are no Burnt Umber colored fruits, and there are no Burnt Umber ribbons to wear on your label to celebrate some sort of disease or cause.

We at LAP have decided to redo the website in shades of Burnt Umber and Mustard Yellow. This is our small part in helping to right the wrong of the Burnt Umber plight.

Adam will be happy for the painstaking hours of work he now has to do to re-image the whole site.

Below are some artists that took everyday kid’s coloring pages and added their own unique twist to them. Unfortunately, not a single shade of Burnt Umber among them.


Happy Saturday!

1. Fire Ant?


Omawarisan: Dermatologists recommend a wide brimmed hat and sunscreen that is at least SPF 35.

List of X: I still have no idea what color is Burnt Umber, but at least now I know what color Burned Ant is.

BrainRants: Perfectly illustrates the twisted relationship between ants and magnifying glasses. A+

Ned: Maybe next time he’ll have the decency to wear some clothes to hide that third antenna.

2. Piranha’s Love Puppies


Omawarisan: If he’d have just read the warning signs on the river bank…this is why I’m starting a charity focused on K-9 literacy.

List of X: The gruesome death of the puppy doesn’t bother me half as much as the fact that piranhas are wearing lipstick.

BrainRants: That’s not lipstick.  It’s Cute Puppy Blood, which is awesome.  Perverse creativity.  A-

Ned: On the bright side, think of how excited he’ll be when he finds those bones!

List of X: “Cute Puppy Blood”, now that’s an awesome name for a lipstick color!

3. In Space No One Can Hear You Meow


Omawarisan: I’m willing to admit this – I am overthinking this one. A coloring book picture and I’m thinking about physics. I don’t know anything of physics.

List of X: This is what happens when NASA sends a cat into space and forgets a litter box.

BrainRants: Explosive Decompression a la Garfield meets GravityB+

Ned: This is what happens to any astronaut, human or animal, when Justin Bieber’s “Believe” is the in-flight movie.

4. I Heart You


Omawarisan: Once you go robot you never go back.

List of X: This what happens when NASA also forgets cat food.

BrainRants: Not only will aliens rip out our pressurized hearts, they’ll give us prison sex, too.  C+

Ned: Once again, Glondark’s overzealous welcome kicked off an inner-galactic war.

5. Saw For Children


List of X: Sorry, kids, Easter Bunny will be busy this year.

BrainRants: Good improvisation.  Creepy clown mask dude. B

Ned: Looks like it’s finally time to see if making your own “lucky” rabbit’s foot works.

6. Go Sit In The Corner For Breaking Bad


Omawarisan: The original disturbs me as much as the altered version. Who would make a little kid churn butter? “That is really hard work”, he said as if he’d ever churned butter. Is tot-churned butter the latest trendy artisanal ingredient?

BrainRants: Yo yo!  We makin’ fat stacks, yo!  Need me?  Leave digits…  A-

Ned: I thought Sambo chased a tiger around a tree until it turned into butter? This seems like cheating.

List of X: Well, I’m just glad someone found their chemistry class useful. Or maybe it was a meth class.

Post Script: Chris, research indicates that Burnt Umber is the most frequently used Crayola when coloring underwear skidmarks.  Just so you know.  — Rants



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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

49 Comments on The Saturday Six: Corrupted Coloring Book Art

  1. This makes me want to go buy a coloring book. Still have no idea what burnt umber is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. adventurejennie // September 27, 2014 at 8:58 am //

    First, we must discover what an “umber” is. Secondly, this was awesome. I enjoy the modification of the tail to tapeworm. Ha, I am still chuckling.
    In a side note, I am still petitioning Crayola to allow “tittie pink” to be a color selection in crayons. You’d have to see my blog for further. Thank you for the much needed laugh this morning 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I new game to play with Friends! You guys are brilliant! And Burnt Umber is the color of your Umber if you touch the Stove with it. Don’t do that. It hurts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. // September 27, 2014 at 11:00 am //

    Fiery ant straight from your twisted childhood imaginations. Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is hilarious, I think I must follow this site.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are all deranged. In a good way. Best commentary ever.


  7. Both pictures of #4 are just strange. And “cute puppy blood” for a color. Perfect. The poor puppy has bones for legs, but at least the blood can still be cute!


  8. Repeatedly chants, “Our future will be just fine.” *Bows to the creative genius/madness of these children* Happy Saturday!


  9. This makes me want to go buy a colouring book and get out the burnt umber.


  10. Out of all my three children not one of them enjoyed colouring books. All refused to use them, so grandma had endless amounts of colouring books that eventually my younger, well she had to be in her late teens early twenties, used.


  11. *mind blown* it never occurred to me to add things to the page.


  12. Coloring coloring!!! Lalalalalalalalalala!


  13. Burnt Umber! Usually found between Raw Umber and Burnt Sienna. All of them skidmark-applicable, sometimes nipple-ready.


  14. Your posts are mental. I like that.


  15. I think we know the answer to whether the artist is a good witch or a bad witch.


  16. I love no. 5 and Ned’s comment, we must have similar funny bones because my first thought was that he could hang the foot from his rearview mirror afterwards – also, I won’t lie the word upcycling did pop into my head LOL.


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