Coffee – A Short Musical
Curtain opens to a minimalist setting. A man dressed in a three piece suit sits at a table sipping a cup of coffee. His name is Ralph.
Ralph: (Calling off stage) Honey…Honey I’m out of coffee. Can you brew some more? (pause) Honey?
Lucy: (From off stage) Ralph! That’s your seventh cup already! Do you really want more?!
Ralph: (looking towards audience, raises cup and smiles) Yes! I can’t get enough of this stuff. (Cue music)
The stage is cleared of the table as Ralph stands up. In from stage left comes a dancing coffee pot, spoon, coffee cup, saucer, sugar cubes, a k-cup, and a creamer.
Ralph: (singing)
Coffee, Coffee, You are my love and my life Whether your dark or just dreamy creamy I will drink you anywhere Even in the shower all soapy steamy Coffee, Coffee, You taste good night and day I would even drink you while at Steve and Adam’s Who apparently are super fabulous gay(The giant spoon rips off Ralph’s suit to reveal that underneath he is wearing a Starbuck’s uniform)
Coffee, Coffee, Would you marry me We would have such lovely children named: Dark Roast, Pumpkin Blend, and Cappuccino Christmas Tree Everyone exists stage right except for Ralph. Lucy enters stage left. Lucy: What is going on in here? What is all the noise and ruckus? Ralph: Lucy, can you describe the ruckus? (Ralph takes a sip out of his coffee cup which has the cast of the Breakfast Club on it.) Lucy: Ralph, I’m worried about you. All you do is drink coffee. You quit your job to drink coffee, you ignore the kids to drink coffee, you accidentally lit the toaster oven on fire while you were drinking coffee…you refer to me as your Barista…Ralph, I’m leaving you. The stage darkens as a spotlight is put on Lucy. You can see Ralph in the background sipping his coffee. Lucy: (singing) It started with two cups of coffee a day A little cream… A little sugar… Then it turned into an ice coffee on the way to work The next thing I knew You were sleeping with the Barney’s crew Oh, you are a jerk! You grind coffee in your sleep As you ignore me while I weep The other day I found an espresso heat wrap Tucked up in your mud flap This won’t work, This won’t do This is why I’m leaving you You can stick to your coffee without me Ralph, I’m moving on to…tea! Lucy exists stage right. Ralph moves up to center stage and takes a sip of his coffee. He looks left and then he looks right and smiles. Ralph: Now that that bitch is gone, I can enjoy my coffee in peace! (winks) Curtain Falls ~Fin~
Whatever you do in real life, stop. Go be a satirical musical playwright.
LikeLike
I could follow in the footsteps of Trey Parker and Matt Stone!
LikeLike
Is Ralph a Creamer Crooner? Ba ba boo boo daddyoh!
LikeLike
He is lactose intolerant, so he is a coffee mate crooner. 🙂
LikeLike
Be thankful for small mercies!
LikeLike
Oh my.
LikeLike
Oh yes.
LikeLike
I sense brewing tension between the dancing coffeepot and the k-cup.
LikeLike
Always…like West Side Story…
LikeLike
I was sad that the curtain fell. Is it okay?
LikeLike
Yes. Not a dry eye in the house was what I was hoping for…
LikeLike
You grind coffee in your sleep
As you ignore me while I weep
Holy shit that was funny.
LikeLike
It’s based on a true story…
LikeLike
I think Ralph’s next date with coffee will involve a “muffin.” If you know what I mean.
LikeLike
Blueberry?
LikeLike
That could be her stage name, sure.
LikeLike
I saw what you did there…
LikeLike
Of course I realized after I posted that comment I should have gone with “tart.”
LikeLike
Strawberry Tart! I’m hungry now.
LikeLike
I know it isn’t as cool as writing zombie stories but I think its about time you got a musical on Broadway, yes?
LikeLike
A zombie musical…
LikeLike
Zombies who only crave coffee? I could get behind that.
LikeLike
You are making the wheels turn…
LikeLike
I watched 28 Days Later this evening. Must be good inspiration.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Christopher De Voss and commented:
Sing it to the tune of Lady GaGa’s “Applause”:I live for the reblog, reblog, reblog
I live for the reblog-blog
Live for the reblog-blog
It’s Coffee week on Long Awkward Pause and this is my rambling on the subject. Not a fan of this, then you can check out my good friends Rants, Justin, and Monk Monkey on the same subject. And if you still don’t like that, check out my other good friends Chowderhead, Cordelia, Mike, and Len as they take on Hollywood later this month!
LikeLike
For some reason I sang that in my head to the tune of Rihanna’s S&M and not Applause. It still works.
LikeLike
Oh cool! I’ll try it!
LikeLike
I think you should get Alfred Molina for his musical ability and character depth to play the spoon.
LikeLike
Perfect!
LikeLike
What if Lucy secretly switched Ralph to Decaf?
LikeLike
All hell would break loose!
LikeLike
You have simply got to hook me up with your dealer. He obviously has good shit.
LikeLike
His name is Keurig.
LikeLike
For the record, sir, I am not gay…
LikeLike
Haha! I was going with the old, “it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” joke….Sorry!
LikeLike
This was hilarious! Love your skits and plays.
LikeLike
Thank you
LikeLike