The Selfie Drinking Game
At some point everyone considers cleaning out their Facebook friend list. Too many instances of “what the hell am I looking at?” and “is this real life?” make the unfriend button look incredibly appealing. But it’s hard to follow through– what if you miss out on something or need that person at some point?
It turns out, you do— because nothing is guaranteed to get you schwastey faced like The Selfie Drinking Game. Setup is minimal: All you need is access to your Facebook and copious amounts of alcohol.
ROUTINE SELFIE = TAKE ONE SHOT
These are your run-of-the-mill selfies that get uploaded by the same people every hour, on the hour.
“Mirror Selfie”
“Duck Face Selfie”
FAIL SELFIE = TAKE TWO SHOTS
These are people’s sad attempts to deny reality and deceive others as to the true desperation of their existence.
“My Fake Boyfriend Took This Selfie”
“I Don’t Know How Mirrors Work Selfie”
“Disproportionate Share Selfie”
UPSETTING SELFIE = TAKE THREE SHOTS
These are phenomenons which simply cannot be explained and which aid in the increase of personal self-esteem and appreciation that you are not the person in the photo.
“Dafuq Is This?! Selfie”
“Mom of the Year Selfie”
“You Are Not Pulling This Off Selfie”
“OMG Clean Your Room Selfie”
POSSIBLY ILLEGAL SELFIE = TAKE FOUR SHOTS AND CALL THE POLICE
These should just not happen. Ever. Not even in a Tarantino film.
“Multitasking Selfie”
“Keepin’ it in the Family Selfie”
“Someone Should Report This Selfie”
Unicorn Selfie = Finish the Rest of the Bottle and go to Bed
Otherwise known as “the impressive selfie,” these photos are rumored to exist in certain areas of the internet.
“Kind of Want to Try this Selfie”
Drinking and selfies go hand-in-hand but don’t forget to do both responsibly, like this girl:
longawkwardpause.wordpress.com 
I’m suddenly inspired to pray.
“Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for not having iPhones when I was in my twenties. Peace out.”
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^ EXACTLY what she said.
( And that’s weird, because I am an atheist. But Thank You!)
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Ha– so funny, so perfect.
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I’m going to jump on that prayer chain.
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For real. I feel like I still sort of span these two generations… like… I didn’t have a camera on my phone until I was like 20, so it’s not as natural for me to commit various abuses with it (though obviously I’ve made up for lost time) but so many kids are already getting after it by such a young age… and that stuff never really goes away. Scary!
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Oh my god, yes! Some things just should not be a) photographed, and b) shared. I am forever thankful that my younger days were not captured for eternity…
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Yes, you make an excellent point here– it’s bad enough that the photos ever came into existence but why oh why were they ever shared???? This is where the “delete” button should come into play.
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Buh lieve it.
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Reblogged this on Christopher De Voss.
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But… but… I dont take bad selfies like these! Honest. Well, okay there was this one…
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I think we should have a worst selfies competition!!!! Like… selfie farce.
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I like the idea! 😀
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Oh.My.God. Hahaha oh man now people can’t even go for a wee without taking a selfie?
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Right? I mean… why do you suddenly RIGHT THEN have to snap a shot? “OMG I look so cute right now!”
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This has made my night.
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I’m so glad! It was rather amusing to compile, not gonna lie.
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Hilarious post.
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Thanks Chris!
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I write about beets, it’s about as offensive as an old lady can be, but oh I’m glad we did not have such gadgets in my miss-spent youth…
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I’ve only had one experience with beets… and I was a young, discriminatory Aussa… and they were canned… and I assumed it was Cranberry Sauce. All in all it was a very traumatic experience so yes, beets offend me in the most offensive of ways.
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And just when you thought you were experience the worst day ever in your entire life….. There is THIS.
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Surely there’s a bound book somewhere, or an app, that houses all of these sorts of images so that we can pull them out in our darkest hour.
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I am reticent to agree. Although stranger things have been made possible. I’m not quite sure that I personally would care to compile such images.
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It is precisely because I can never remember which boob I enlarged that I am so camera shy. Go figure.
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I tend to have that problem in my everyday life as well, not just in selfies.
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This is excellent. And certainly not too inappropriate for you, Aussa. Also, this is why I don’t post many pictures of myself. Or spend time on Facebook. Or Skype. There are just too many opportunities to humiliate myself. And I prefer to humiliate myself through the re-telling of stories. That’s my medium.
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I know. There are some frightening photos that I’ve referenced on here– like the one where I look like Eminem, and the one where I look like Voldemort– and as fun as it would be to share them… I know that they will never, ever, ever go away after that… like a tattoo.
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Just imagine if you got a tattoo of one of those pictures of yourself…
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I KNOW! I’ve seen that photo online.
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I can’t stop laughing at the “Dafuq Is This?! Selfie”…that shit is fu-nee!
Going to share this one!
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I think we all need to reenact it!!!! For serious. I’m going on a trip but afterwards… I might try…
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I need to try that door selfie. That is the unicorn of selfies. Or maybe the rhinoceros.
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Girl, I can totally see you doing that selfie. We all need to pick one and reenact it. Stack pillows on the floor around it though, just in case it has faulty manufacturing.
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If you see those last ones in your facebook news feed, I’d be worried about the people I call “friends”, even on the internet. Lol Great post Aussa!
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Seriously! I think the majority of selfies on my newsfeed are only worth 1 shot a piece, I’m afraid…
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Oh holy crap. Now I don’t look so bad in mine. Strike a pose!
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Yeah! This is encouragement to embrace your own selfies, see– they can’t be THIS bad!
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I think for the people who are taking too many selfies, their cellphone should be spelled as selfphone.
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I can always count on you for this sort of cleverness!
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Sweet Jesus
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This is a moment that calls for sage or holy water.
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How did that girl hang off the door? Tried it last night and all I can say is thank god for the National Health Service.
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These are hilarious. The bad moms make me wanna slap them, though. Take care of your kid, hoe! Or don’t have one!
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Right? I just don’t understand the urgency of needing to snap a sexy photo RIGHT THEN while your kid is on the toilet or in the tub. There was another photo I just couldn’t even allow on my computer of three teenage girls all twerking on a bed and there was an infant laying near the edge. unreal!
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Wow. I’m speechless. That might just be close to the worst. Yet, I’m sure somewhere some idiot will top it.
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If my Facebook newsfeed had this kind of material, I might have grabbed myself some popcorn. Fucking hilarious. Gifts that keep on giving.
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There was a girl who I used to babysit for that grew up to become the most selfie-infused person on my facebook. I eventually had to cut ties simplly because it inspired such judgement in me every time I logged on and saw that squinty puckered face.
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Aussa,
This post is hilarious. I see ridiculous selfies all the time but experiencing so many at once is sort of like a double shot of tequila. It burns, it hurts, it freezes. Then the laughing starts.
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That’s the perfect description for this experience!
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Great, now I’m going to get drunk tonight and try to climb my closet door. And take selfies along the way. Thanks a lot!
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Oh I really really hope that this happened! To quote the types of people who send “other” facebook messages: “you got any pics?”
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Seriously, dude! I’m dying right now! And I want to ditto Beth’s thank you to God!
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HAHA! I know! I barely skirted through that time period… I think most of my stupid behaviors were in my early 20s and they hadn’t put cameras on the front of iphones yet. Thank goodness.
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Thank you for re-enforcing my stand on selfies. It is obvious that most of these people have played this drinking game way to often.
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It’s like a self-sustaining travesty and we follow in the footsteps of those people we judged and who drove us to drink and have compromised judgement regarding our own selfies.
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*Cringe* That’s all I’ve got.
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We’re all right there with ya!
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So dying this am! These are hilarious…and yes I am sooooooo glad there was NO social media (or cell phones for that matter) when I was young (and stupid)! LOL! Rock on chicka!~ Keep the laughter comin’ :-*
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Ha, thanks Courtney! It’s definitely a good thing to be thankful for… I’m a little worried about the younger generations now!
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Here she is! I’ve got blog-confusion. I go to Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy to chat up our bud Aussa & find our Bud Beth. So I just followed a link & find our Bud Aussa on Long Awkward Pause…………………………no really, Long Awkward Pause. lol. Anywho, luv the post Aussa as the pics we’re picture perfect. We will third & fourth Bethie & Sandy’s prayers while throwing in that my fav was the 3rd pic titled: “My Fake Boyfriend Took This Selfie” & Inion’s fav was Duck-face-Selfie. We agreed on your idea for a worst selfie competition!! Have judges & an award for the best pic or I guess it would actually be worst pic. Perhaps a Most original, Best scenery, best costume, best position, best backstory. Oh the possibilities. Either way it would totally rock!! Luv this & sharing it now! 😉
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Haha thanks for bringing this idea back to the front and center of my mind! I wish I weren’t out of town right now or I would have already recreated that “dafuq?” selfie. I just need to get ahold of a Hannah Motana lunchbox…
Oh, and I can see how that could have been confusing, we’re all playing blogger musical chairs right now! Back to normal soon 😉
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Ahahahaa! Best selfies evar! Awesome names as well. I have to share one of my classic selfie faves:
http://www.motivateusnot.com/demotivational-poster/2009/12/29/Myspace-Next_time_you_try_to_look_hot_flush_the_toilet
I suppose you can call this the “Post-dump Glow Selfie” or simply the “Oh Shit Selfie.”
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Oh my gosh. I’ve seen this one before. The second this link opened I was like “NO!!!” and had to hit the X. Some things can never be unseen…
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Holy cow, these are awful. I only take selfies when I know for a fact it won’t look stupid. And I’m smart enough to not put the stupid ones on the internet. Yikes. By the way, you forgot one, the “The ‘Oops, I forgot I’m the President of the USA and not a teenage girl’ selfie.”
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Haha! I like the Obama Funeral Selfiw in particular. And you’re so right– I mean, I only take selfies when a very scientific combination of factors has been met: perfect lighting, application of mascara without smearing it all over my eyelid, and just after my bi-monthly hair washing.
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Also, your selfies tend to look good because of your gorgeous blue eyes. Seriously, I would kill for eyes that color.
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Aw, thank you. That’s very sweet of you. I just have to refrain from the overwhelming desire to make some sort of crazed or constipated facial expression.
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Some people just really should not have access to camera phones. Or mirrors. Ever.
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It kind of makes me wonder… what’s next? Like… when all these selfie-addicts’ children (the ones in the corner of their twerking poses) grow up– what will be the new selfie? *shudders*
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UUggh, I don’t get the point of selfies, Too overrated. You painted or may I say ‘Posted’ the perfect picture of this modern day shit ass phenomenon ! Great post Aussa. You put so much work in the post, It just shows!
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Haha, thank you! I just got on instagram and it’s like selfie central, I can almost feel it pulling me into it’s dark vortex of self absorption…
“This is me drinking water!”
“Here I am in line at the post office!”
“Just tearing off a paper towel!”
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Hahaha, you are spot on !
You missed one though:
“Here is me pooping”
“I just shit so hard my ass is on fire”
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Hahahahah noooo! My eyes, MY EYES!
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What is read cannot be unread Aussa !
Sorry but I’m not sorry! 😀
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I hardly EVER log on facebook anymore but NOW IS THE TIME. Or next weekend, actually, since it is frowned upon to get drunk before waking up early to go teach. >_______________>
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Hahaha! Well, let me know if you find anything exciting! I kind of want to go check mine now too 😉 It’s been too long…
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Oh my gaud people really aren’t afraid of having their children taken away from them anymore. That’s an amazing thesis waiting to happen.
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It’s like those people who post photos of themselves water skiing after a workers comp settlement and they’re friends with all their coworkers online. How do you not connect those two actions to the potential consequences? *facepalm* I wouldn’t mind seeing the court order that removes a child from it’s mom’s custody due to selfie.
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i just love how some one stole this pic of me from a page about weight loss when i was sick good going people http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/426440/The_Depo_Shot_Weight_Loose …enjoy the update from the pic in red paint and sick from 7 years ago to now FUCK YOU HAHAHAH http://www.modelmayhem.com/869823
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I know it’s tough when pictures you uploaded make the rounds on the internet. Especially orange faced selfies. We visited that article and have one question, you don’t like any fruit at all? Not even strawberries or bananas? Weird. Anyway, good luck with the modeling career, Halloween is around the corner. Fuck you too. HaHaHaHah… (we like to end our laughs on the letter H too! we have a lot in common…except for the fruit thing…everyone likes bananas….we know you like bananas too.)
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Drinking and selfies, two of my most favorite things. So of course I loved it. I want that first selfie on MY page.
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