Latest And Greatest

The Selfie Drinking Game

At some point everyone considers cleaning out their Facebook friend list.  Too many instances of “what the hell am I looking at?” and “is this real life?” make the unfriend button look incredibly appealing.  But it’s hard to follow through– what if you miss out on something or need that person at some point?

It turns out, you do— because nothing is guaranteed to get you schwastey faced like The Selfie Drinking Game.  Setup is minimal: All you need is access to your Facebook and copious amounts of alcohol.

ROUTINE SELFIE = TAKE ONE SHOT

These are your run-of-the-mill selfies that get uploaded by the same people every hour, on the hour.

“Mirror Selfie”

1b638206896edf112094bf4021a92ab5

“Duck Face Selfie”

"Duck Face Selfie"

FAIL SELFIE = TAKE TWO SHOTS 

These are people’s sad attempts to deny reality and deceive others as to the true desperation of their existence.

“My Fake Boyfriend Took This Selfie”

"My Fake Boyfriend Took This Selfie"

“I Don’t Know How Mirrors Work Selfie”

"Sitting on the Toilet Selfie"

“Disproportionate Share Selfie”

"Disproportionate Share Selfie"

UPSETTING SELFIE = TAKE THREE SHOTS

These are phenomenons which simply cannot be explained and which aid in the increase of personal self-esteem and appreciation that you are not the person in the photo.

“Dafuq Is This?! Selfie”

"Dafuq is This? Selfie"

“Mom of the Year Selfie”

"Mom of the Year Selfie"

“You Are Not Pulling This Off Selfie”

"Pour Some Syrup on Me Selfie"

“OMG Clean Your Room Selfie”

"CLEAN YOUR ROOM Selfie"

POSSIBLY ILLEGAL SELFIE = TAKE FOUR SHOTS AND CALL THE POLICE

These should just not happen.  Ever.  Not even in a Tarantino film.

“Multitasking Selfie”

"Multitasking Selfie"

“Keepin’ it in the Family Selfie”

"Oedipus Selfie"

“Someone Should Report This Selfie”

"Report This Selfie"

Unicorn Selfie = Finish the Rest of the Bottle and go to Bed

Otherwise known as “the impressive selfie,” these photos are rumored to exist in certain areas of the internet.

“Kind of Want to Try this Selfie”

article-0-1A67F2B500000578-148_634x699

Drinking and selfies go hand-in-hand but don’t forget to do both responsibly, like this girl:

drunk

MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:

Facebook: Long Awkward Pause
Twitter: @LongAwkPause
Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic
 
Would you like to see a topic discussed on L.A.P?  Follow this link HERE.
About Aussa Lorens (3 Articles)
Some mistakes are too good not to share.

81 Comments on The Selfie Drinking Game

  1. I’m suddenly inspired to pray.
    “Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for not having iPhones when I was in my twenties. Peace out.”

    Like

  2. But… but… I dont take bad selfies like these! Honest. Well, okay there was this one…

    Like

  3. Oh.My.God. Hahaha oh man now people can’t even go for a wee without taking a selfie?

    Like

  4. This has made my night.

    Like

  5. Hilarious post.

    Like

  6. I write about beets, it’s about as offensive as an old lady can be, but oh I’m glad we did not have such gadgets in my miss-spent youth…

    Like

    • I’ve only had one experience with beets… and I was a young, discriminatory Aussa… and they were canned… and I assumed it was Cranberry Sauce. All in all it was a very traumatic experience so yes, beets offend me in the most offensive of ways.

      Like

  7. And just when you thought you were experience the worst day ever in your entire life….. There is THIS.

    Like

  8. It is precisely because I can never remember which boob I enlarged that I am so camera shy. Go figure.

    Like

  9. This is excellent. And certainly not too inappropriate for you, Aussa. Also, this is why I don’t post many pictures of myself. Or spend time on Facebook. Or Skype. There are just too many opportunities to humiliate myself. And I prefer to humiliate myself through the re-telling of stories. That’s my medium.

    Like

  10. I can’t stop laughing at the “Dafuq Is This?! Selfie”…that shit is fu-nee!

    Going to share this one!

    Like

  11. I need to try that door selfie. That is the unicorn of selfies. Or maybe the rhinoceros.

    Like

    • Girl, I can totally see you doing that selfie. We all need to pick one and reenact it. Stack pillows on the floor around it though, just in case it has faulty manufacturing.

      Like

  12. If you see those last ones in your facebook news feed, I’d be worried about the people I call “friends”, even on the internet. Lol Great post Aussa!

    Like

  13. Oh holy crap. Now I don’t look so bad in mine. Strike a pose!

    Like

  14. I think for the people who are taking too many selfies, their cellphone should be spelled as selfphone.

    Like

  15. These are hilarious. The bad moms make me wanna slap them, though. Take care of your kid, hoe! Or don’t have one!

    Like

    • Right? I just don’t understand the urgency of needing to snap a sexy photo RIGHT THEN while your kid is on the toilet or in the tub. There was another photo I just couldn’t even allow on my computer of three teenage girls all twerking on a bed and there was an infant laying near the edge. unreal!

      Like

  16. If my Facebook newsfeed had this kind of material, I might have grabbed myself some popcorn. Fucking hilarious. Gifts that keep on giving.

    Like

    • There was a girl who I used to babysit for that grew up to become the most selfie-infused person on my facebook. I eventually had to cut ties simplly because it inspired such judgement in me every time I logged on and saw that squinty puckered face.

      Like

  17. Aussa,
    This post is hilarious. I see ridiculous selfies all the time but experiencing so many at once is sort of like a double shot of tequila. It burns, it hurts, it freezes. Then the laughing starts.

    Like

  18. Great, now I’m going to get drunk tonight and try to climb my closet door. And take selfies along the way. Thanks a lot!

    Like

  19. Seriously, dude! I’m dying right now! And I want to ditto Beth’s thank you to God!

    Like

    • HAHA! I know! I barely skirted through that time period… I think most of my stupid behaviors were in my early 20s and they hadn’t put cameras on the front of iphones yet. Thank goodness.

      Like

  20. Thank you for re-enforcing my stand on selfies. It is obvious that most of these people have played this drinking game way to often.

    Like

    • It’s like a self-sustaining travesty and we follow in the footsteps of those people we judged and who drove us to drink and have compromised judgement regarding our own selfies.

      Like

  21. *Cringe* That’s all I’ve got.

    Like

  22. So dying this am! These are hilarious…and yes I am sooooooo glad there was NO social media (or cell phones for that matter) when I was young (and stupid)! LOL! Rock on chicka!~ Keep the laughter comin’ :-*

    Like

  23. Here she is! I’ve got blog-confusion. I go to Hacker, Ninja, Hooker, Spy to chat up our bud Aussa & find our Bud Beth. So I just followed a link & find our Bud Aussa on Long Awkward Pause…………………………no really, Long Awkward Pause. lol. Anywho, luv the post Aussa as the pics we’re picture perfect. We will third & fourth Bethie & Sandy’s prayers while throwing in that my fav was the 3rd pic titled: “My Fake Boyfriend Took This Selfie” & Inion’s fav was Duck-face-Selfie. We agreed on your idea for a worst selfie competition!! Have judges & an award for the best pic or I guess it would actually be worst pic. Perhaps a Most original, Best scenery, best costume, best position, best backstory. Oh the possibilities. Either way it would totally rock!! Luv this & sharing it now! 😉

    Like

    • Haha thanks for bringing this idea back to the front and center of my mind! I wish I weren’t out of town right now or I would have already recreated that “dafuq?” selfie. I just need to get ahold of a Hannah Motana lunchbox…

      Oh, and I can see how that could have been confusing, we’re all playing blogger musical chairs right now! Back to normal soon 😉

      Like

  24. Ahahahaa! Best selfies evar! Awesome names as well. I have to share one of my classic selfie faves:

    http://www.motivateusnot.com/demotivational-poster/2009/12/29/Myspace-Next_time_you_try_to_look_hot_flush_the_toilet

    I suppose you can call this the “Post-dump Glow Selfie” or simply the “Oh Shit Selfie.”

    Like

  25. Holy cow, these are awful. I only take selfies when I know for a fact it won’t look stupid. And I’m smart enough to not put the stupid ones on the internet. Yikes. By the way, you forgot one, the “The ‘Oops, I forgot I’m the President of the USA and not a teenage girl’ selfie.”

    Like

    • Haha! I like the Obama Funeral Selfiw in particular. And you’re so right– I mean, I only take selfies when a very scientific combination of factors has been met: perfect lighting, application of mascara without smearing it all over my eyelid, and just after my bi-monthly hair washing.

      Like

  26. The Regular Guy NYC // March 3, 2014 at 6:07 pm //

    Some people just really should not have access to camera phones. Or mirrors. Ever.

    Like

    • It kind of makes me wonder… what’s next? Like… when all these selfie-addicts’ children (the ones in the corner of their twerking poses) grow up– what will be the new selfie? *shudders*

      Like

  27. UUggh, I don’t get the point of selfies, Too overrated. You painted or may I say ‘Posted’ the perfect picture of this modern day shit ass phenomenon ! Great post Aussa. You put so much work in the post, It just shows!

    Like

  28. teamwanderlustfl // March 9, 2014 at 9:19 pm //

    I hardly EVER log on facebook anymore but NOW IS THE TIME. Or next weekend, actually, since it is frowned upon to get drunk before waking up early to go teach. >_______________>

    Like

  29. Oh my gaud people really aren’t afraid of having their children taken away from them anymore. That’s an amazing thesis waiting to happen.

    Like

    • It’s like those people who post photos of themselves water skiing after a workers comp settlement and they’re friends with all their coworkers online. How do you not connect those two actions to the potential consequences? *facepalm* I wouldn’t mind seeing the court order that removes a child from it’s mom’s custody due to selfie.

      Like

  30. LILITH ARIES // March 21, 2014 at 1:35 pm //

    i just love how some one stole this pic of me from a page about weight loss when i was sick good going people http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/426440/The_Depo_Shot_Weight_Loose …enjoy the update from the pic in red paint and sick from 7 years ago to now FUCK YOU HAHAHAH http://www.modelmayhem.com/869823

    Like

    • I know it’s tough when pictures you uploaded make the rounds on the internet. Especially orange faced selfies. We visited that article and have one question, you don’t like any fruit at all? Not even strawberries or bananas? Weird. Anyway, good luck with the modeling career, Halloween is around the corner. Fuck you too. HaHaHaHah… (we like to end our laughs on the letter H too! we have a lot in common…except for the fruit thing…everyone likes bananas….we know you like bananas too.)

      Like

  31. Drinking and selfies, two of my most favorite things. So of course I loved it. I want that first selfie on MY page.

    Liked by 1 person

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. This is Sparta! « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY.
  2. 10 ok, amiért a 2048 jobb, mint a Tinder ‹ tízdolog

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: