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Read This Before You Lick Your Keyboard

May 18, 2015 // 35 Comments

Fun quiz here, people: one of the most germ-ridden areas of your house is: The toilet Your butthole The TV remote Your keyboard   If you answered A or C, you’re close. If you answered B, you didn’t read the question, unless you happen to live up your own ass. I understand this happens to some people from the neck up, but I [Click For More]

This Week On Earth: May 3rd – May 9th 2015

May 9, 2015 // 4 Comments

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of:  May 3rd – May 9th 2015   This Is What Happens When You Forget To Put Extra Ketchup In The To Go Bag A crazed (and probably hopped up on the drugs) man enters a restaurant and completely trashes the place. We are [Click For More]

This Week On Earth: April 26th – May 2nd 2015

May 2, 2015 // 16 Comments

Hello Saturday! Let’s take a look back at what was notable in news, internet, and other shenanigans for the week of: April 26th – May 2nd 2015 Burning Down The House At the top of the list is the Baltimore Riots. What better way to show injustice over police violence then to violently destroy your city so more police can be present. [Click For More]

Alcoholic Abominations

May 1, 2015 // 19 Comments

In mid-March I had an experience with alcohol that was so incredibly awful it bordered on laughable.  The best way I can describe it is that it was “an alcoholic abomination.”   Not that kind of abomination.  And it wasn’t the green beer, either – it was worse. I had Mangria. At quick glance, I thought it said “Mangina,” [Click For More]

Die Cellulite, Die

April 9, 2015 // 7 Comments

Cellulite, wherefore art thou? And by “wherefore” I definitely mean “why,” not the commonly mistaken “where,” especially because no one has trouble locating this enemy of our ass, ever. So tell me, cellulite, why? We eat right, we exercise, we have decent genes, yet there you are, the dreaded “surface of [Click For More]

Science links obesity to fat, lazy microbes

March 30, 2015 // 14 Comments

Scientists at Cornell University have created a device capable of measuring the weight of a single cell. This is big news because it moves us beyond the limits of sub-gram measurements “nano,” “pico” and “femto,” and into an exciting new realm of measurements known as “zeppo,” “harpo” and [Click For More]

To Be Celebrity or Not To Be Celebrity

February 20, 2015 // 7 Comments

Celebrities often get a bad rap. Why? Because often they are spoiled, rich and famous. Some even like to complain about being rich and famous. That is  weird. Deep down though, who doesn’t wish they were one? It would be nice to have millions of adoring fans. It would also be nice to make headlines whenever you decided to alter our [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Stormtroopers Are People Too!

February 14, 2015 // 13 Comments

  With the new Star Wars movie on the horizon, the Death Star Public Relations team is looking for ways to beef up the tainted image of the Galactic Empire. They say there is no such thing as bad press…but Darth Vader and company have a lot of ill feelings to try to patch. Plus they lost a lot of support in the Alderaan camp…like a [Click For More]

This Weekend’s Forecast: Sex and Wine

February 12, 2015 // 28 Comments

You know what’s happening this weekend is, don’t you? Let me give you a hint – it’s a special day that celebrates love. Many women have been waiting months for this day so that they can revel in a night of pure romance.   Meanwhile, many men will be spending a night out with their significant others when they’d really just rather sit [Click For More]

Updated Cliches For The Social Media World

February 9, 2015 // 20 Comments

Cliches have been around for centuries. We all know them. We all use them. Some of us love them. Some of us love them too much. One subject cliches have yet to tackle is: Social Media! You know…Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, FarmersOnly.com, etc. We understand that most of these sayings were written around the same time that the Bible hit [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Scary Wedding Couples

January 31, 2015 // 36 Comments

   Here comes the bride… All dressed in… What?! What do you do when your lovely bride to be wants to dress like characters from Lord of the Rings? Do you start off your marriage on a ‘hell no!’? Or do you give in and look ridiculous for that one day… …plus the $2000 worth of photography to remember it by for [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Awkward Baby Photos

January 24, 2015 // 35 Comments

   Those precious baby years of development and wonder only happen once. Think about those baby wide sparkly eyes, the cute little high pitched laughter, the pudgy baby feets, the acceptable double baby chins… Awwww! Remember to capture these moments while you can, because one day those cute, little marshmallow sponges of curiosity will [Click For More]

Now We’re Cooking with Fire

January 22, 2015 // 20 Comments

Some friends were coming over for dinner and I had a major case of writer’s block.   Or I guess that would be cook’s block, but that sounds like glorified cutting board.   So let’s just call it I-had-no-freaking-clue-what-to-make block. This was about the same time that I was working on my Peyton Manning fashion post.   I wrote that over [Click For More]

LAP TV: 5 WTF Diet Trends

January 18, 2015 // 5 Comments

Today on LAP TV is our host Jaclyn giving us her top 5 WTF Diet Trends.  Enjoy! ————————– MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE: Facebook: Long Awkward Pause Twitter: @LongAwkPause Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic LAP TV: YouTube Would you like to see a topic [Click For More]