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Five Winter Olympic Events That Got Cut At Sochi

February 11, 2014 // 70 Comments

Whether your favorite Winter Olympic event is the Luge… Figure Skating… or that one event with the skis and the guns that no one knows the name of… …at every Olympics there are a few events that don’t quite fit into the gaming spirit. Long Awkward Pause was able to obtain a list of this year’s cuts that were [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Funny Pie Charts

February 8, 2014 // 48 Comments

What’s better than pie charts? Pie, of course! Once upon a time at the LAP Thanksgiving dinner there was, or what we thought was,  a big, beautiful pumpkin pie.  Our taste were set and waiting to taste that delicious pumpkin pie. We waited. And waited. And sat through football… And sat through dinner… And sat through [Click For More]

How To Get Free Money For Life

February 7, 2014 // 38 Comments

Millions of people lay on their sweat-logged sheets each night, wondering when the financial hamster wheel stops. Today we have an answer: “HOW DO I SUCK DOWN FREE MONEY ON DISABILITY?” You’re hesitant. You’re unsure about how to permanently suture your lips to the government tit. Relax and enjoy the ride. Step 1: Obtain a Government job. [Click For More]

Super Bowl Prop Bets For 2014

February 2, 2014 // 48 Comments

What is a prop bet you ask? Well, since you read the question above that asked you to ask me…I will tell you. A prop bet is a series of wages that take on other aspects of the game besides who wins and by how much. They can involve anything from the color of Gatorade dumped on the coach to the number of times a Budweiser commercial is shown. [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Funny Text Messages

February 1, 2014 // 29 Comments

Good morning, sleepy-faces!  Here’s a funny Saturday Six for ya.  Now go grab yourself a coffee. Happy Saturday! ________________________________________________________________________________ 1.)  I Don’t Believe You Show me again. 2.)  Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones Try to limit your daily cell phone usage to minimize the [Click For More]

Facebook Stalking 101

January 29, 2014 // 241 Comments

Of all the things you lose in a breakup, access to your ex’s facebook may be the worst.  If ever there were a reason to “stay friends” this is it. 12:42PM – He likes another girl’s check-in at a restaurant. Translation: He was obviously cheating on you the entire time. 3:16PM – He posts a photo of his dog and some [Click For More]

Christmas In January?

January 27, 2014 // 31 Comments

As I lapped up a bowl of Frosted Flakes, my eyes remaining fixated on the debatably-racist cartoon rooster promenading across the television screen. A bit of anxiety festered about a mandatory shoe-shopping excursion supposedly transpiring later, but, for the most part, this was just a normal, delightfully-lethargic Saturday morning for this [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Ad Placements Gone Horribly Wrong

January 25, 2014 // 65 Comments

Welcome to another installment of the Saturday Six!  Grab your cup of java and crueler before you start reading though.  Ha!  We didn’t say Simon says! Ok, apologies for the dumb joke. Happy Saturday! _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1.  Wait, Shameless? On second [Click For More]

Interview: Taste-Testing Bizzare Foods

January 13, 2014 // 80 Comments

Ed Ames unlocks the studio door for me, as I enter the dimly lit corridor. “Shhhh!” he says.  “Remember, we are not suppose to be here.” “I know,” I mouth back. I am at a secret location which is an old  movie and TV set. We continue down the hall until we reach the aging wooden stage. On the stage sits a lone [Click For More]

Ask the Staff: A Question for Chowderhead

November 27, 2013 // 28 Comments

***** Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer. Occasionally we don’t. This could or could not be one of those occasions. You decide which. ***** Question for Chowderhead: Ok we had a question dropped in the box the other day that has be absolutely stumped.  The question comes from a dude by the name [Click For More]

Another Thanksgiving Without a Gravy Trough

November 25, 2013 // 47 Comments

Another Thanksgiving is here and once again my mom has put the kibosh on my gravy trough proposal. Six years have passed since I incepted this bolt of brilliance, and for six straight years my mom has refused to become a part of history. It’s all “Oh, it’s not tradition,” and “No, that would be disgusting, Justin, stop asking for [Click For More]