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christopher de voss

R.I.P. Bubble Wrap 1957- 2015

July 13, 2015 // 27 Comments

Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here today…to mourn the loss of one of the truly greats of these modern times…an innovator that ranges from low tech fun to functional packing protector, impromptu pillow, wallpaper substitute, and so much [Click For More]

If You Make A Guy Pinterest Famous

July 6, 2015 // 24 Comments

If you make a guy Pinterest famous… It might explain why the cashier at CVS is giving you weird looks… At first you were thinking it was the huge armpit stains on your shirt, but now…now you know better. She recognized you from your uber popular and super cool Pinterest board: 51 Tie Dye Do It Yourself Projects That has to be [Click For More]

Worst Design Ever: Gyrospheres In Jurassic World

June 25, 2015 // 19 Comments

This article should not give anything away spoiler wise if you have not seen Jurassic World. Probably. The Gyrospheres in Jurassic World seem like a really cool idea for a theme park ride…at first. If you haven’t seen the movie, the concept of this ride is a self guided protection bubble that allows you to roam freely amoungst the [Click For More]

This Week I Learned Pt III

October 2, 2014 // 17 Comments

Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I Learned, which complies little interesting and trivial facts about random things. We here at Long Awkward Pause have gathered a sample of some that we found worthy of mention:   A company is now able to mass produce spider silk. They inserted the genes of the spider into a species of [Click For More]

This Week I Learned Pt II

September 4, 2014 // 19 Comments

Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I Learned, which complies little interesting and trivial facts about random things. We here at Long Awkward Pause have gathered a sample of some that we found worthy of mention:   The price of admission for a zoo in 18th century England was a dog or a cat — they were fed to the lions. The BBC [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause’s Tips On Pasta

August 11, 2014 // 40 Comments

Pasta. We all love it. Even if someone says they don’t…they secretly do. It’s too multifaceted not to love. It comes in too many shapes and sizes not to love. There are too many sauce choices to go with it, not to love. You can serve it as a side dish. You can serve it as the main entree. You can eat it out of a bowl. You can [Click For More]

This Week I Learned

July 3, 2014 // 38 Comments

Troy aka Ad-libbed was supposed to post today but went into the hospital for emergency kidney surgery. He is doing well, but will have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and get his fill of red jello. Please send him some well wishes in the comments section below. In the meantime….Reddit.com has this great feature called: Today I [Click For More]

Goodbye Game of Thrones Season 4

June 16, 2014 // 17 Comments

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Game of Thrones ends another season, and what a season it was! Below is a little tune written to Elton John’s Candle In The Wind to help celebrate last night’s season ending episode. It doesn’t give away too many spoilers, [Click For More]

A Charming Interview With A Snake Whisperer

May 14, 2014 // 39 Comments

I hop into John Everhart’s van. No, he didn’t offer me candy. I kind of wished he did, because on the side of this particular van is a picture of John and a rather big, ugly Burmese Python. Over the picture in a font that probably predates the 1970’s  is the moniker; John Everhart Snake Whisperer. The back of the van is hollowed [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Hilarious Quotes by Famous Comedians

April 5, 2014 // 51 Comments

What makes you laugh? Besides internet cat videos? Besides farts? Besides someone with a heavy German accent pronouncing the phrase, “I would like to butter your biscuit.” What makes you roll on the floor laughing? Or ROTFLs? Maybe pajamas with the butt flap open? Or PJsWTBFOs? Maybe old ladies eating corn on the cob? Or OLECOTCs? [Click For More]

Warnog The Beer Of Champion Klingons

April 2, 2014 // 34 Comments

It’s Saturday night on the star ship. You and your fellow hundred companions are off duty for the evening. It’s time to head down to flight deck 12 where the bar is located and get your brew on! So you put on a new, nicely pressed red shirt, which is all you ever wear…whether you’re on duty or not. Don’t worry, [Click For More]

Missing Flappy Bird? Try A Clone Instead

March 12, 2014 // 32 Comments

In case you have lived in a universe where no smart phone or internet exists in the last few months, Flappy Bird is  was a game where you guide this cute little pixelated bird through a series of  Mario Bros-esque pipes scoring points for each pipe you past. You move the bird up and down by tapping on it.  The more you tap the bird, the [Click For More]

The New Light And Air Diet Isn’t For Anyone

March 5, 2014 // 65 Comments

Breatharian’s are lucky, or unlucky…depending on how you look at it…because a Breatharian doesn’t eat. They exist solely on light and air and nothing else. This makes taking one out to dinner a really, really, cheap date. I’ll have the steak, medium rare and a loaded baked potato. My date here just lives on light and [Click For More]

America In Crisis: Clown Shortage 2014

February 19, 2014 // 55 Comments

National Clown Week is celebrated the first week of every August. This year’s festivities might be in jeopardy due to a record drop in enrollment of the world’s famous Clown College. That’s right, not including the politicians, America might finally be running into a critical shortage of clowns. For over 30 years anyone and [Click For More]

Five Winter Olympic Events That Got Cut At Sochi

February 11, 2014 // 70 Comments

Whether your favorite Winter Olympic event is the Luge… Figure Skating… or that one event with the skis and the guns that no one knows the name of… …at every Olympics there are a few events that don’t quite fit into the gaming spirit. Long Awkward Pause was able to obtain a list of this year’s cuts that were [Click For More]