Latest And Greatest

The L.A.P. Tour Book Is Available!

September 17, 2013 // 29 Comments

Howard Gantz, Manager here! The long awaited Long Awkward Pause Official Photo Concert Tour Book For Dummies is on sale for a limited time! Pick up your yours today! There is only a limited number of copies available! Here is a small sampling of what you will find inside: Over 400 pages of photos and stories! Autographed copies available for an [Click For More]

Tickets Still Available!

September 11, 2013 // 14 Comments

Howard Gantz, manager here! Just a quick update! There are tickets still available for the end of September and the beginning of October for the L.A.P tour! The November show is sold out, sorry! Hope to see you there! Buy a [Click For More]

Coffee – A Short Musical

September 4, 2013 // 39 Comments

Curtain opens to a minimalist setting. A man dressed in a three piece suit sits at a table sipping a cup of coffee. His name is Ralph. Ralph: (Calling off stage) Honey…Honey I’m out of coffee. Can you brew some more? (pause) Honey? Lucy: (From off stage) Ralph! That’s your seventh cup already! Do you really want more?! Ralph: [Click For More]

Are you addicted to Caffine?

September 3, 2013 // 52 Comments

Dear America, Land of the brave, the free. There is a new killer drug in your mist and it isn’t cocaine, heroin, advil or nickatine. IT’S CAFFEIEN!!! Yes, this killer addiction is stalking city streets and curbs as human after human carries around their paper cups filled to the BRIM with glorious Coffee which comes from CAFFEINE! Do [Click For More]

IWROTETHISINSIXMINUTES!

September 2, 2013 // 44 Comments

You know what I need? I need a cup of coffee. It’s 8:30pm here and I need to get this post done after waking at my normal 4:40am and doing a whole thirteen-hour day. Why? Because! But hey, I have coffee! And coffee has caffeine! Yay caffeine! Because hyper shit, and I stay awake and get stuff done.  Even better: it makes you poop!  Total win! [Click For More]

Coffee Addicts Anonymous

September 1, 2013 // 312 Comments

“My name is Justin.” “Hello, Justin.” “And I’m addicted to coffee. “I’m not-uh, not totally sure how this works; this is my first night.  Do I just?  Okay, I’ll just start then. “I had my first sip when I was thirteen.  You know how you do.  Just a half a cup, no more.  Home sick from school, parents leave for work and [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause On Coffee

August 31, 2013 // 19 Comments

Hello! Howard Ganz here, manager of Long Awkward Pause, and I’m excited to introduce this week’s topic: Coffee! It was sent in to us from Sandy Osorno and reads; “Hi Christopher, Julie here, just an out coffeeholic and a reader of your website. 🙂 I came across this great infographic about America’s addiction on this lovely [Click For More]

Contest! Win A Long Awkward Pause Writer For A Week!

August 26, 2013 // 46 Comments

Announcing the Long Awkward Pause 2013 Contest! Win A Long Awkward Pause Writer For A Week! That’s right! Announcing the first Long Awkward Pause Contest where you could win a staff writer living with you for one whole week! Choose from Justin, Rants, Monk Monkey, Chris, Mike, Chowderhead, Owamwarisan, or Cordelia. If you win some of [Click For More]

Meet Howard Gantz, Manager

August 23, 2013 // 29 Comments

Hello, Howard Gantz, Manager here. In case you don’t who I am, I’m the manager of Long Awkward Pause. A hard but rewarding job that I do with pride every single day, except Sundays. Sundays are mine. Anyway, we get a lot of emails here at L.A.P…. A lot…. And I thought while the guys are busy preparing for September’s [Click For More]

L.A.P. Banned In China

August 19, 2013 // 59 Comments

This has been reprinted with permission from the online version of the Ohio Llama Sun Gazette:  Super Blogging Group Long Awkward Pause Has Been Banned In China reported by Jerry Wentworth It was just announced today by officials representing the People’s Republic of China that the super blogging group, Long Awkward Pause, will not be [Click For More]

Twinkie Prohibition

August 8, 2013 // 44 Comments

It never fails in this country; there’s always some party-pooper going out of his way to make sure that every last fun thing is sought out and removed from our lives.  This time its the Health Hippies – bawling on about Twinkies.  Preservatives this and cholesterol that… Blah Blah Blah! When exactly did a little bit of [Click For More]

Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Star

August 7, 2013 // 62 Comments

That’s right, America. The Twinkie is back! (for some reason) Assumed by many to be the unholy result of a secret Nazi project codenamed either Twinkilnauss or Angelfoodensch, the Twinkie has been a staple of American households for decades. Created in 1930, Twinkies were a way to utilize the angel food baking machines made seasonally [Click For More]

The Incredible Edible Twinkie

August 6, 2013 // 64 Comments

(Read these first two lines in a David Bowie voice, like at the start of the song: Modern Love) I didn’t care that the Twinkie went away. I didn’t care that the Twinkie came back. —– I’m not oppose to the Twinkie, although I think Peanut Butter Crunch Bars are much, much better. In the movie Zombieland, Woody [Click For More]

Twinkies: A WARNING!

August 5, 2013 // 45 Comments

Twinkies? Mention the word and shudder! This evil of evils – fanciest delight of all the demons in Heaven – is the delicious, addictive, succulent, lengthy treat of all of the evil seven dwarves (Scratchy, Itchy, Sneezy, Poochie, Ginger, Gimli and Papa Dwarf), and Geraldo! Once you eat’em, you can’t leave ’em and they [Click For More]

Only In ‘Murrica

August 4, 2013 // 91 Comments

First I want to say thanks to Chris DeVoss and all the other awesome bloggers here on A Long Awkward Pause.  It’s always humbling to be invited to write by others, especially when they do it so much better than you.  Chris sent me my first topic: Twinkies.  My reply was something like, “WTF?” but here we are, and here we go. What can you [Click For More]

Twinkies

August 3, 2013 // 43 Comments

Seven days ago I never thought I’d make it. I made it through a week of school. I was meltdown-free for Mandatory Family Game Night. I even made it through church this morning sans incident, despite sitting next to an old woman whose hand was more scab than skin. No idea how I did it. I suppose I was just focused on my goal. I didn’t rub [Click For More]