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2016: We Aren’t Potty Trained

January 14, 2016 // 11 Comments

2015 has come and is gone the way of anyone’s intestines after a two-hour long Indian food fest: down the drain, hopefully without the help of a plunger or a plumber. Let me further this metaphor, and I apologize ahead of time if you are currently eating. Let’s imagine that each year represents a pair of underwear in America’s [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #33 A Whole Lot Of People Died In 2015

January 12, 2016 // 2 Comments

On Today’s Show: Season 3: The first Over The Line of 2016. Lottery, Wrong Mail. Plus, Ken Griffey Jr gets into the Hall of Fame. A quick look back at 2015. And what the ‘F’ is wrong with Joe’s [Click For More]

Handmade Is The New Sexy

January 11, 2016 // 13 Comments

We all received that special gift this past holiday. The one that someone close to you formed out of earthly elements or with wool sheared from an exotic animal. Exotic to you if you’ve never been closer to a sheep than the ones on your onesie your husband bought you as a joke but that you secretly love because it’s got a poop shoot. [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME 14

January 9, 2016 // 6 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of cat videos and Nicolas Cage memes that is the world wide interwoven web (while you’re out living a real life and having a real job). You’re probably following most of them and clicking [Click For More]

Canada turns to LAP to broker peace with U.S.

January 7, 2016 // 36 Comments

Special Report ALBERTA, Canada — In an unprecedented move aimed at easing tensions between the U.S. and Canada following Justin Bieber’s request for permanent U.S. citizenship, Canadian officials have agreed to what they are calling a “mutually offensive [Click For More]

General Tso, who are you?

January 4, 2016 // 7 Comments

General Tso, who are you? Wikepedia describes you as a general who lived in Xiangyin during the 1800’s, yet the dish named after you was never eaten there, nor anywhere else near your city. What gives General? Who are you General? The world wants to know. The “chef’s special” wants to know. The mall food court wants to know who you are. I [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME THIRTEEN

January 2, 2016 // 2 Comments

Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Snapchatting, or Emailing while you’re out living a real life and having a real job. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like or fav or heart or whatever it is now [Click For More]

Bold Predictions for 2016

December 31, 2015 // 2 Comments

2016 is almost upon us and the staff here at Long Awkward Pause decided to pull the Ouija board out of the LAP game closet, the Crystal Ball from under Ned’s cubicle, and the Tea Leaves from Blogdramedy’s favorite mug to try and predict what exactly is going to happen in the 2,016th year of the Common Era. By the way, 2016 has [Click For More]

LAP TV: Yelp Reviews!

December 28, 2015 // 5 Comments

This is the first episode of this series; it will definitely get better. I am still learning about writing comedic material, and shooting. So bear with me, but this first episode focuses on Yelp and some reviews that were a bit over the top. There will be more episodes soon to follow. This initial episode focuses on Denny’s. I hope you enjoy [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME Twelve

December 26, 2015 // 5 Comments

Have no fear, because in between seeing Star Wars and setting up Grinch traps, our staff this holiday week has not forsaken the vast frozen tundra of the world wide interweb. Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, [Click For More]

The Cost of The 12 Days of Christmas

December 24, 2015 // 14 Comments

On the First Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me…. A Partridge in a Pear Tree: True Love Spends: Pear Tree: Around $20 Partridge: $15-20 Your cost: To upkeep the pear tree: $390 a year Bird maintenance: $200 to $400 a [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #31 Hillary Clinton’s Star Wars Timeline

December 23, 2015 // 1 Comment

On Today’s Show: Joe opens the show, Democratic/Republican Debates, Star Wars The Force Awakens-No Spoilers, hummus, fuller house, mike and molly canceled, most googled terms per [Click For More]

Comedy Throwback: Who The Comedians Of Today Remind Me Of

December 22, 2015 // 5 Comments

Sometimes it’s fun to play stupid games like, “Who is the Richard Pryor of today?” So why not? But, before we get into this, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to argue that any of these modern comedians are on par with the legends I am comparing them to. Nor am I saying they’ve necessarily been influenced by them, [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Volume Eleven

December 19, 2015 // 2 Comments

There may have been a tiny little bit of Star Wars talk from the Long Awkward Pause staff this past week…. We’ll start off with a few of the many examples of the Force strong within our staffers and then jump back into the non Star Wars related tweeting fodder they normally scream into the void. Not that that’s important [Click For More]

How to prepare yourself for seeng ‘The Force Awakens’

December 18, 2015 // 9 Comments

Last night I was among those relative few who, either through luck or Jedi mind trick, got to see the premier of what is arguably the biggest release in movie history. And by “arguably” I mean we could argue about it, but you would be wrong. Should you continue to argue, I will have a Wookie pull your arms out of their sockets. While [Click For More]

‘The Force’ will be strong with one staff member sooner than others

December 17, 2015 // 7 Comments

By this time tomorrow, one of the staff members here at LAP will be cooler than the rest. Except for Brainrants. No one is cooler than ‘Rants. Mostly because you can leave off half his name and it still sounds cool. Try that with the rest of us and the result sounds like someone grunting in the bathroom stall next to you: [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #31 The History of Willard Scott

December 16, 2015 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: Jack and Joe decide which muppets they are, making a laundry list, Willard Scott snubs Zsa Zsa Gabor, Dick Van Dyke, Kurt Douglas, new Indpendance Day movie, New Dirty Dancing, Liam [Click For More]

Weird Christmas Ornaments

December 14, 2015 // 13 Comments

While some are at war with Christmas, others are celebrating the new made up holiday of Merry Trumpmas: The remainder are either pulling out that flame retardant fake Christmas Tree, the one with the bottom row of branches that the factory installed lights won’t come on anymore, but that’s ok. We [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME TEN

December 12, 2015 // 3 Comments

Just like our staff; the internet is open 24/7 and Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Snapchatting, or Emailing during those long lonely hours. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like or fav or heart [Click For More]

Over the Line Show #30 Bed Skirt Hacks

December 9, 2015 // 0 Comments

On Today’s Show: This week…Joe’s big move was full of surprises. Plus, Scott Weiland debuts on the underground scene. And Al Roker can’t catch a [Click For More]