Latest And Greatest

Issue #18 April 2015

Win One Zero One The Card Game!

April 29, 2015 // 19 Comments

Now that Long Awkward Pause has hit the big time…and by big time we mean ALL of our Moms now read it…we have stock piled a mass of things to give away. (Big thanks to my Mom for finally jumping on board. She was the last lone hold out.) Who doesn’t like to receive things for free? Unless it’s a STD…everyone! (Some [Click For More]

The End of the World Tastes Like Mac ‘n’ Cheese

April 23, 2015 // 147 Comments

Because all of the Long Awkward Pause readers are smart, savvy and don’t live under rocks (except for a guy named Hogan from Idaho), you by now know that the iconic food staple of American Obesity Childhood will change.  Yes, Mac and Cheese will shift from the nuclear sunset orange color we all know and love to something more… [Click For More]

LAP Covers the Election

April 14, 2015 // 29 Comments

After I recovered from my St. Patrick’s day research, Howard the Manager waddled over to my desk and dropped a manila folder on my desk.  It had jelly donut spoo on it, but we’re all used to that here at LAP. “Here’f your next assignment,” he said around a cakey mouthful.  He added something that sounded like, [Click For More]

Die Cellulite, Die

April 9, 2015 // 7 Comments

Cellulite, wherefore art thou? And by “wherefore” I definitely mean “why,” not the commonly mistaken “where,” especially because no one has trouble locating this enemy of our ass, ever. So tell me, cellulite, why? We eat right, we exercise, we have decent genes, yet there you are, the dreaded “surface of [Click For More]

Other Things Maya Angelou Didn’t Say, On A Stamp

April 8, 2015 // 16 Comments

Last year, noted author and poet Maya Angelou passed away. The United States Postal Service responded in the only way it could, by designing a stamp in tribute to her. Actually, a stamp isn’t the only way they could have responded. They also could have sent a nice card to her family because, after all, they are the Postal Service. And a card [Click For More]

SPIDER-MAN SAVES EASTER!

April 4, 2015 // 3 Comments

Back in the 1970’s there was a weird phenomenon where the entertainment industry (in collusion with Hallmark) decided in order to take our minds off the Cold War and the oil crisis, our precious holidays were under attack and therefore had to be saved. You can still see the post-traumatic stress effects of this if you watch FOX News in December. [Click For More]