Latest And Greatest

Issue #14 December 2014

Long Awkward Pause Reviews Movies It Hasn’t Seen Yet

January 5, 2015 // 26 Comments

The new year is starting and budget is really tight here at Long Awkward Pause. Basically we spent it all on the biggest, baddest, New Years Eve Party ever! (You may have seen it on the news.) Originally we were going to introduce a new segment called: Long Awkward Pause Reviews The Movies  But then the accountants started to get their grubby [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: When You Don’t Care Anymore

December 27, 2014 // 21 Comments

  Some people fear getting old. And some people can’t wait. There are some nice benefits to it: discounts, retirement, early dinners, electric scooters, jello, being an extra on those Lifeline Medical Alert commercials, and most importantly, being able to say whatever-the-hell you want, when you want. “Can you believe Bob just said [Click For More]

The New Modern Holiday Carol

December 25, 2014 // 38 Comments

There is a plague in this country that is far worse than Malaria, Black Death, or even Ebola. And that plague is called Political Correctness. What this blight does is stop people from recognizing that it’s OK to be different. Imagine a world full of the one type of people and culture. How boring. Even the Holidays are not immune to this [Click For More]

Peyton Manning Needs Me

December 22, 2014 // 30 Comments

When I started dating my wife years ago, I explained to her that I wasn’t one of those guys who watches ESPN eight hours a day like a bunch of her friends’ significant others.   I really don’t give a rat’s ass about baseball, hockey, or college sports.  So she never has to worry about not being able to watch The Good Wife or some other [Click For More]

The Saturday Six: Stringing Up The Lights

December 20, 2014 // 25 Comments

  Katie was in charge of decorating the office for Christmas this year. She did a really good job. Below are a few of the cubicles she gave the spirit of the Holidays too. Feel free to visit the offices if you would like to see the rest of the staff’s decorations. This is how she decorated Trish the receptionist’s area:   She [Click For More]

And here’s that time I was stalked by Santa

December 18, 2014 // 27 Comments

If you follow me Facebook or Twitter (probably against your better judgement) then you may have seen this photo taken a few days ago by a security camera at Fred Meyer. Many of you have asked what the story is behind this bizarre image, which some have compared to the famous 1967 footage of Bigfoot walking through the woods (presumably just [Click For More]

LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: DECEMBER HOROSCOPES 2014

December 11, 2014 // 16 Comments

December 2014 Horoscopes – Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Pokemon collector, and Crypto-zoologist The fire trine that Uranus (located in the naughty list) will form with Jupiter (located in the nice list) and with the fast planets that will cross Sagittarius (Venus, Mercury) will bring a wave of enthusiastic dynamism, of [Click For More]

99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

December 8, 2014 // 67 Comments

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 [Click For More]

Just In Time For Christmas – The Burt Reynolds Auction

December 4, 2014 // 20 Comments

Burt Reynolds. Remember him? The well-known actor with 178 film and television credits? You’d think that a guy who scored big roles in such classics as W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings, Smokey and the Bandit, Deliverance and Striptease would be squared away as far as cash flow. Apparently not. Burt is facing foreclosure on his house. His ranch [Click For More]

Black Friday

December 1, 2014 // 27 Comments

I’m sitting here staring at the blinking cursor trying to figure out a post for this month.  Two things are causing me epic writer block.  The first is the fact that thanks to my family, I’ve finally been let in on the secret of “What Does the Fox Say?”  I’m firm in my belief I could have gone to my grave without [Click For More]