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Holidays

2016: We Aren’t Potty Trained

January 14, 2016 // 11 Comments

2015 has come and is gone the way of anyone’s intestines after a two-hour long Indian food fest: down the drain, hopefully without the help of a plunger or a plumber. Let me further this metaphor, and I apologize ahead of time if you are currently eating. Let’s imagine that each year represents a pair of underwear in America’s [Click For More]

Bold Predictions for 2016

December 31, 2015 // 2 Comments

  2016 is almost upon us and the staff here at Long Awkward Pause decided to pull the Ouija board out of the LAP game closet, the Crystal Ball from under Ned’s cubicle, and the Tea Leaves from Blogdramedy’s favorite mug to try and predict what exactly is going to happen in the 2,016th year of the Common Era. By the way, 2016 has [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME Twelve

December 26, 2015 // 5 Comments

  Have no fear, because in between seeing Star Wars and setting up Grinch traps, our staff this holiday week has not forsaken the vast frozen tundra of the world wide interweb. Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, [Click For More]

Happy Thanksgiving 2015

November 26, 2015 // 2 Comments

  As another Thanksgiving comes and goes, with the smell of turkey and over zealous pigskin testosterone filling the air, plus the promise of Black Friday starting on a Thursday…around 6 pm…looming ahead of us like bright shiny gold filled gum drops dropped by a half naked pudgy baby…we at Long Awkward Pause are thankful [Click For More]

Homecoming Season Advice

November 5, 2015 // 15 Comments

I came out of my cave and realized that we’re getting close to homecoming and/or prom season and other holiday-related date situation seasons.  By the way, the sun was really bright.  It hurt.  Moving on… I decided that all of the LAP Angry Dads out there (you know who you are) need a helpful guide to this perilous time of the [Click For More]

Father’s Day – A How-To Guide

June 20, 2015 // 19 Comments

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.  Like other important holidays such as Arbor Day or National G-String Day, LAP wants to provide our expert advice to you, gentle reader, on how to properly celebrate Father’s Day with your father.  Here’s [Click For More]

The Long Awkward St. Patrick’s Day Review

March 17, 2015 // 33 Comments

I’m trying to type quietly because I want to die.  In a burst of corporate largesse, Howard flipped me the LAP Corporate Black Card.  He commissioned me and De Voss to conduct holiday research on St. Patrick’s Day from a Boston pub crawl perspective.  What follows are my notes, made along the way.  Enjoy.  I’m going off to [Click For More]

The LAP Guide to Valentine’s Day

February 2, 2015 // 41 Comments

Here at Long Awkward Pause, we like to think of ourselves as a full-service organization.  At least that’s what our manager, Howard, says when he tells us to get him coffee.  In the spirit of spreading that special Valentine’s Day feeling, the staff put together a short list of V-Day gifts that will give your objet de l’amour a [Click For More]

Black Friday

December 1, 2014 // 27 Comments

I’m sitting here staring at the blinking cursor trying to figure out a post for this month.  Two things are causing me epic writer block.  The first is the fact that thanks to my family, I’ve finally been let in on the secret of “What Does the Fox Say?”  I’m firm in my belief I could have gone to my grave without [Click For More]

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

November 27, 2014 // 12 Comments

  The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around the office with our families, friends, and the [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause’s Holiday Wine Buying Guide

November 24, 2014 // 16 Comments

Ahhh, it’s that time of year again.  All those drunken family get-togethers, work events, neighborhood gatherings all filled with merriment, dancing, and probably a decent amount of debauchery. Holidays?  Heck, that was my last weekend. The holidays can be a very stressful time.  Maybe you have to think of an excuse for skipping out on [Click For More]

Candy Corn: An Addict’s Story

November 3, 2014 // 33 Comments

Every year I cycle through what some people like to call, “Falling Off the Wagon.” Yes, dear LAP audience, it’s true.  My name is BrainRants, and I’m a candycorn-aholic. It started as a kid. A small bag here, a few handfuls there.  They were dropped innocently into my pillowcase by well-meaning people as I trick or [Click For More]