Gunmetal Geisha

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Vol 20

February 20, 2016 // 2 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Grammy talk and Deadpool memes that is the web-net-inter-superhighway. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re not, please [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Vol 19

February 13, 2016 // 2 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of Kanye Album name changes and Valentine’s Day memes that is the interwebnet. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if you’re not, [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Vol 18

February 6, 2016 // 9 Comments

Welcome to Social Saturdays! This is the feature where you get to find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are posting onto the screaming void of rodents predicting the weather and Peyton Manning memes that is the webs of the net. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like on their comedy gold postings…and if [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME Twelve

December 26, 2015 // 5 Comments

Have no fear, because in between seeing Star Wars and setting up Grinch traps, our staff this holiday week has not forsaken the vast frozen tundra of the world wide interweb. Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS Volume Eleven

December 19, 2015 // 2 Comments

There may have been a tiny little bit of Star Wars talk from the Long Awkward Pause staff this past week…. We’ll start off with a few of the many examples of the Force strong within our staffers and then jump back into the non Star Wars related tweeting fodder they normally scream into the void. Not that that’s important [Click For More]

SOCIAL SATURDAYS VOLUME TEN

December 12, 2015 // 3 Comments

Just like our staff; the internet is open 24/7 and Social Saturdays is the feature where we find out what the Long Awkward Pause staff members are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Snapchatting, or Emailing during those long lonely hours. You’re probably following most of them and clicking like or fav or heart [Click For More]

Geisha Silver Porn: The Reissue

December 8, 2015 // 16 Comments

The internet. Home to weirdos in search of naked silver geishas. What does that even mean? I’m not sure. I’m just a polite(ish) girl with a clever moniker — Gunmetal Geisha — playing messenger and bringing you the bizarre search terms that lead to my blog, gunmetalgeisha.com. Aside from the garden variety pervy searches, [Click For More]

How to Use Social Media Without Irritating the F*ck Out of Everyone

November 3, 2015 // 27 Comments

I admit it. I was digital-stalking someone. In fact, I was stalking him so hard, I spit out my oatmeal. It landed on my computer screen and slid down from his Twitter follower number that had jumped from under two hundred to over five thousand since the day before. My stalkee had bought fake followers and I was livid! There are people you stalk [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Six

October 31, 2015 // 10 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Halloweening, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if you’re [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Five

October 17, 2015 // 22 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Nipple Tweeking, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Four

October 10, 2015 // 32 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Pope Stalking, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if you’re [Click For More]

How To Slow Down Time

October 5, 2015 // 4 Comments

It’s not only that time goes by so quickly or our attention spans are low. It’s context. Within a two-week period, we jump from a summer state-of-mind to fall just because Costco decides it’s time to sell Halloween stuff right after 4th of July. I see Halloween orange and black, and I immediately think Thanksgiving, because, pumpkin-overlap. [Click For More]

Social Saturdays Volume Three

October 3, 2015 // 20 Comments

Welcome to another installment of: Social Saturdays! This is where we find out what the staff members of Long Awkward Pause are Tweeting, Facebooking, Instragraming, MySpacing, Ebaying, Emailing, Noodling, and whatever else they maybe doing instead of writing articles. You are probably following most of them anyway…and if you’re not, [Click For More]

The Sisterwives Mistakenly Interview Us

September 15, 2015 // 25 Comments

There is a group of powerful women writers who have collected together and formed the website: The Sisterwives. Should it be whom have collected? I don’t know. The grammar police will email me soon. They always do. I probably should have paid more attention in English class, but alas I have always run away from the thought of putting words [Click For More]

LAP TV: Featuring Gunmetal Geisha And Ned Hickson

June 10, 2015 // 21 Comments

You never know where a correspondent of LAP is going to show up! Such is the case with Gunmetal Geisha and Ned Hickson. They both can be found directing this month! (Not directing the month…directing in the month….you know what we mean! Stop [Click For More]

Die Cellulite, Die

April 9, 2015 // 7 Comments

Cellulite, wherefore art thou? And by “wherefore” I definitely mean “why,” not the commonly mistaken “where,” especially because no one has trouble locating this enemy of our ass, ever. So tell me, cellulite, why? We eat right, we exercise, we have decent genes, yet there you are, the dreaded “surface of [Click For More]

A Long Awkward Pause Thanksgiving 2014

November 27, 2014 // 12 Comments

The staff of Long Awkward Pause would like to take a moment to wish you and your family a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. We would also like to thank you, the readers of the website, the followers on Twitter and Tumblr, the Facebook viewers, and the podcast listeners. So, as we gather around the office with our families, friends, and the [Click For More]

Weird Things We Do For Love

October 24, 2014 // 18 Comments

It was 103º in July and I was driving 300 miles to see the snowboarding mountain upstart with the smoldering gaze I’d met on the slopes a few months earlier. My heart was a restless puppy. Forty miles into my drive, my 20-year-old Corolla’s temperature gauge was in the red, dangerously close to overheating. But I wasn’t going to be stopped, [Click For More]

Tinder Swiping: The DOs and DON’Ts

September 9, 2014 // 42 Comments

On Tinder, we get to swiftly subject people to the basest yet most factored-in dating criterion: looks. You swipe right or left on your phone indicating yea or nay to a potential date based on a user’s picture. That makes Tinder efficient, honest and deliciously cruel. Swiping left means you theoretically never have to see that profile again. [Click For More]