Christopher De Voss

Long Awkward Pause Takes On Hollywood Remakes

September 19, 2013 // 15 Comments

Hello! Howard Ganz here, manager of Long Awkward Pause, and I’m excited to introduce this week’s topic: Hollywood Remakes! It was sent in to us from Anonymous and reads; “Discuss Hollywood’s penchant for remaking movies or “rebooting” every goddam thing under the sun.” I don’t know where the name [Click For More]

The L.A.P. Tour Book Is Available!

September 17, 2013 // 29 Comments

Howard Gantz, Manager here! The long awaited Long Awkward Pause Official Photo Concert Tour Book For Dummies is on sale for a limited time! Pick up your yours today! There is only a limited number of copies available! Here is a small sampling of what you will find inside: Over 400 pages of photos and stories! Autographed copies available for an [Click For More]

Regarding woman, Do you think they are sexier on average with or without clothes?

September 13, 2013 // 39 Comments

Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer. Occasionally we don’t. This could or could not be one of those occasions. You decide which. Hasty of Hasty Words would like to know: Regarding women, Do you think they are sexier on average with or without clothes? Roseanne, naked, doing a limbo [Click For More]

Tickets Still Available!

September 11, 2013 // 14 Comments

Howard Gantz, manager here! Just a quick update! There are tickets still available for the end of September and the beginning of October for the L.A.P tour! The November show is sold out, sorry! Hope to see you there! Buy a [Click For More]

Coffee – A Short Musical

September 4, 2013 // 39 Comments

Curtain opens to a minimalist setting. A man dressed in a three piece suit sits at a table sipping a cup of coffee. His name is Ralph. Ralph: (Calling off stage) Honey…Honey I’m out of coffee. Can you brew some more? (pause) Honey? Lucy: (From off stage) Ralph! That’s your seventh cup already! Do you really want more?! Ralph: [Click For More]

Long Awkward Pause On Coffee

August 31, 2013 // 19 Comments

Hello! Howard Ganz here, manager of Long Awkward Pause, and I’m excited to introduce this week’s topic: Coffee! It was sent in to us from Sandy Osorno and reads; “Hi Christopher, Julie here, just an out coffeeholic and a reader of your website. 🙂 I came across this great infographic about America’s addiction on this lovely [Click For More]

Is it a conspiracy, or a curiosity, that there are no world leaders named Steve?

August 30, 2013 // 40 Comments

Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer. Occasionally we don’t. This could or could not be one of those occasions. You decide which. Allan G. of Ohm Sweet Ohm would like to know: Is it a conspiracy, or a curiosity, that there are no world leaders named Steve? I don’t like things that probe. [Click For More]

Contest! Win A Long Awkward Pause Writer For A Week!

August 26, 2013 // 46 Comments

Announcing the Long Awkward Pause 2013 Contest! Win A Long Awkward Pause Writer For A Week! That’s right! Announcing the first Long Awkward Pause Contest where you could win a staff writer living with you for one whole week! Choose from Justin, Rants, Monk Monkey, Chris, Mike, Chowderhead, Owamwarisan, or Cordelia. If you win some of [Click For More]

Meet Howard Gantz, Manager

August 23, 2013 // 29 Comments

Hello, Howard Gantz, Manager here. In case you don’t who I am, I’m the manager of Long Awkward Pause. A hard but rewarding job that I do with pride every single day, except Sundays. Sundays are mine. Anyway, we get a lot of emails here at L.A.P…. A lot…. And I thought while the guys are busy preparing for September’s [Click For More]

If you had 5 minutes to talk to a Dung Beetle, what would you say?

August 16, 2013 // 38 Comments

Occasionally we will get probing questions from our readers for the staff to answer. Occasionally we don’t. This could or could not be one of those occasions. You decide which. Ervin Sholpnick of Hot Lard would like to know: If you had 5 minutes to talk to a Dung Beetle, what would you say? —– Justin -Hey, Dung Beetle, wipe that [Click For More]

The Incredible Edible Twinkie

August 6, 2013 // 64 Comments

(Read these first two lines in a David Bowie voice, like at the start of the song: Modern Love) I didn’t care that the Twinkie went away. I didn’t care that the Twinkie came back. —– I’m not oppose to the Twinkie, although I think Peanut Butter Crunch Bars are much, much better. In the movie Zombieland, Woody [Click For More]

Reported Member of LAP in Rehab

July 29, 2013 // 35 Comments

This was reported by TBZ.com, a rumor blog. Although it is ugly and untrue, we at Long Awkward Pause have decided to reprint the article in a stance of solidarity and empowerment…that and we are pretty sure you are sick of the reblogs. LAP would also like to release this statement: The article below is false and untrue. The members of LAP [Click For More]