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My Interview With A Long Awkward Pause Hater

Not everybody is going to like what you do, and that's fine. Art comes in many forms and if we all liked the same style of it, then the world would be a rather boring place. Imagine if nothing but romance novels, country music, 18th century French paintings, and boxed wine were all we had.... I know about 6 of you just said, "Hell ya!" But the rest of us shuddered...and one goth kid smiled. One that note, let me introduce you to Marvin. He reads Long Awkward Pause, Cracked, The Onion, Blunzy, and several other online magazines. Of all the sites he reads, including some that have stopped publishing 5 years ago, he rates Long Awkward Pause the lowest. And of all the staff members and podcasters that contribute to our site, he rates me the worst. And there is nothing wrong with that. He is entitled to his opinion.

Wrong as it maybe….

OK…OK…trying to be objective and not get upset…

So I decided to give Marvin a forum to vent his frustrations about the site and about me in particular. I thought this might improve what he doesn’t like about the site, and also about me. That way, we here at Long Awkward Pause, could improve his enjoyment experience whenever he decides to spend a few minutes with us.

I for one, think it will help me grow as a humorist and I’m super excited to hear his thoughts.


Me: Welcome Marvin. I’m glad you could join us.

Marvin: You suck.

Me: What is it exactly, that you don’t like about Long Awkward Pause?

Marvin: It sucks.

Me: Is it the way we look at things? Our take on the world? You don’t like our humor?

Marvin: Your humor sucks.

Me: My humor, or the magazine’s humor as a whole?

Marvin: You suck and the magazine sucks.

Me: What don’t you like about my articles?

Marvin: I don’t like the level of suckitude you produce.

Me: Can you clarify what it is about my suckitude?

Marvin: Sure! It’s like when I read what you write, and it’s sucky, and I’m trying to laugh, but all I can do is vomit in my mouth…it’s like that.

Me: Well, what can I do, to improve, in your opinion?

Marvin: You can try not to suck.

Thanks Marvin for giving us your rather insightful and articulated thoughts about our magazine and especially about my contribution to it.

Now piss off.



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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Producer for The Super True Crime Podcast, Podfix Presents, and 2 Drunk Mills And A Gen Z. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

18 Comments on My Interview With A Long Awkward Pause Hater

  1. Marvin should either A) stop reading us, or B) let me school him on better descriptives than ‘suckitude.’ Or, we can get Howard to hire him too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have to, at least, admire Marvin’s dedication: he hates this site, but still forces himself to read it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I suspect Marvin’s On-Off switch is stuck on Off … which sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marvin should probably leave his basement where he just sits alone reading.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The problem with Marvin is his name. His progenitors wanted to call him Marvellous but they were too drunk to spell it right.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Marvin, Marvin, Marvin. Gee, I’m not quite sure how he feels. I wonder how he describes the others.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dylan Mottino // November 13, 2015 at 8:33 pm //

    The last part totally got me. Read it and was laughing so hard. I really like your blog and am following you could you pleas follow me back. My humor may not be the same but I would love your opinion on it thanks!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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