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7 Ways to Get your Kid to Drop the Video Game…in a Flash

Posted on October 20, 2015 by Amy Reese in Guest Post, Humor, Issue #24 October 2015 // 63 Comments

“No. I can’t leave,” my son says, his voice tight and low. “I’m in the middle of a raid!”

These words are from the mouth of my tweener son, twelve years of know-it-all and dedicated gamer of the multiplayer variety. Typically, he shares his two-word vocabulary of “Good” and “K” sent via text from two feet away to my phone. So, I guess I should be crying tears of joy that he actually spoke to me.

I’m in favor of video games so long as they don’t run your life. They can provide opportunities to solve problems with your clan. You can talk to people from Japan or New Zealand. My son tells me it’s kind of like a blog, but with video games.

But when I can’t get beyond the death-grip of his controller and all I hear are raspy, muffled, strained exhalations…you know the kind I mean…I know I’ve lost him. He’s gone to the DARK SIDE!

This is a cry for desperate measures.

I know you’re asking, “How do you bring him back?” because I bet this most certainly has happened to you. Don’t panic. I have methods to break that death grip and bring him back from the darkness.

If you don’t have a kid, I’m sure you can find this information applicable for other areas of your life. I’m sure you can come up with something.

Now for my tips and tricks.

7 Ways to Get Your Kid* to Drop the Video Game…in a Flash
(even if it’s in the middle of a raid):**

  1. Set off the smoke alarm and feign dire warnings that the house is, indeed, burning down. Don’t forget your ear plugs. You may need to let the alarm sound for a while since your gamer will be wearing those monster headsets. For dramatic effect, fan your arms and burn a piece of toast for the proper smell. That should do the trick.
  2. Stage a robbery. This is not as complicated as it sounds and your kid will be in just the right frame of mind for this scenario, on edge and ready to respond. Perhaps your next neighbor is bored.

    6243289302_0a816876e2

    Okay, maybe not your neighbor.

    Better yet, a carefree drama student will be more than willing to provide a bonafide acting performance, especially for extra credit. Just pretend to know the teacher.

  3. Bacon. Prepare a big platter of crispy bacon and place it within visual distance of your gamer. We could just stop this list right here.
  4. Refuse to serve any food. No, don’t serve that bacon your gamer is begging for and don’t think this is cruel. Assuming your gamer is an able-bodied individual, remember he/she can walk. Don’t worry. Eventually, your gamer will need sustenance.
  5. Cut the Internet connection. Just say, “What internet? It’s working just fine for me.”
  6. Flip the breaker switch and shut down the power. In case number 5 is a bust.
  7. Coordinate with your pet to leave a present. That’s right. Your pet is as frustrated as you and needs attention. It’s likely they’ll help and catch that limp mouse or bloody bird and gift it right onto their lap. If it’s alive, your chances increase by 100 fold. If you have a dog, consider the saliva-infiltrated ball as a sloppy present.
    7056750729_4afd0b8b2a

    Catch something…anything! You agreed.

    Well, you can always put ice down their pants, record it and put it on YouTube.

    Just believe in yourself and anything is possible. You can do this. And may the force be with you.

* May be used for adults.

** Depending on the severity of your problem and how much time you have to devote to it, you may want to combine item numbers to maximize success. 

photo credits: License: (license); Oscar, mit sich und der Welt im Einklang – Oscar takes it easy! via photopin (license)

Amy Reese, former ballerina, now spends her creative energy writing and is currently working on a fantasy novel. In her next life, she hopes to come back as a cat. You can find her at The Bumble Files where she writes flash fiction and about life’s unpredictable moments.

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About Amy Reese (2 Articles)
Mom, dancer, boot camp enthusiast, coffee addict, old soul. I like to write fiction and about life's unpredictable moments.

63 Comments on 7 Ways to Get your Kid to Drop the Video Game…in a Flash

  1. BrainRants // October 20, 2015 at 7:09 am //

    Number 5 can backfire if they switch to your mobile data plan and stream it that way. You’ll be able to hear your cellular company giggle as the data counter goes *ding-ding-ding* with each gig.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Christopher De Voss // October 20, 2015 at 7:48 am //

    I used to game all day and then suddenly it stopped…I don’t know why…not even Candy Crush. It’s like someone played the 12 step gaming addicts anonymous feed in my sleep one night. Probably the kids, so they could have more Playstation time.

    Like

  3. 1jaded1 // October 20, 2015 at 8:01 am //

    If you don’t game, accidentally spill something on it…shrugooops. No I don’t have kids, but i laughed.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. AlwaysARedhead // October 20, 2015 at 8:19 am //

    Thankfully my kids were and are into actual board games rather than video games, now if I could only detach my husband from the video console.

    Like

  5. bensbitterblog // October 20, 2015 at 9:50 am //

    The amazing power of cutting the internet connection. You know exactly when it happens too, because all kids in the house freak out at the same time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. euphoriciraqisinglemom // October 20, 2015 at 12:05 pm //

    Hahahahaha, I have a six year old who looooooooves playing video games. when he was younger, I used to be able to fool him by plugging the power from the outlet and tell him that his game has a virus. He would look innocently at me and say will the Dr come and fix it? Lol. Now that he’s six, if I tell him there’s a virus, he will go behind the box and check if all the wires are in. Smart kid 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Amy Reese // October 20, 2015 at 12:26 pm //

    Reblogged this on The Bumble Files and commented:

    I am a guest over at Long Awkward Pause today where I have advice about getting your kid to drop the video game. You’ll see it’s quite simple. Come on over!

    Like

  8. Carrie Rubin // October 20, 2015 at 12:53 pm //

    Haha, excellent pointers to keep in mind for when my college son comes home. Luckily, my youngest isn’t much of a gamer. He prefers practicing his card magic. Then again, getting him away from that isn’t always so easy either, so your tips still apply! 🙂

    Like

  9. jgroeber // October 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm //

    Love this. How about I never introduce them to games… ever? Am I being overly optimistic? Perhaps…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Courtney Wright // October 20, 2015 at 4:01 pm //

    HA HA! Great advice Amy! I will forward this list on to a few people I know with gamer issues since it isn’t a problem in my house! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Jay // October 20, 2015 at 8:47 pm //

    How many of these have you had to resort to?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. kingmidget // October 20, 2015 at 10:13 pm //

    A few times I disconnected the internet. Problem is that it never made for any fundamental change in the behavior. What I wish is that the damn XBox had never entered the house.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Exile on Pain Street // October 21, 2015 at 7:02 am //

    This is one of the reasons I’m kind of glad I had daughters. I don’t have to deal with this stuff. I’m sure different horrors are in store for me.

    A really good friend of mine is the CEO/inventor of Major League Gaming. In a very small world, that’s like knowing a celebrity.

    “Boobs?”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amy Reese // October 21, 2015 at 11:33 am //

      Yes, everyone tells me girls are tougher. Hormones and all! Yeah, I don’t envy you. Get ready, Mark. Wow, the inventor and CEO of Major League Gaming. That is big time!! Always, boobs…because boobs. Do you really need another explanation?

      Like

  14. She's a Maineiac // October 21, 2015 at 11:00 am //

    I think I’ll have to try turning of the electricity to get my son’s attention. But how will I play Mario Kart on the Nintendo? (I do actually play video games…sometimes if the kids aren’t)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Funny video time // October 22, 2015 at 3:06 pm //

    3rd 1 is good ..

    Prepare a big platter of crispy bacon and place it within visual distance of your gamer. We could just stop this list right here.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hanna // October 22, 2015 at 7:54 pm //

    What if it’s me who needs to drop the video game? Need help here. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  17. hasolikemadonna // October 25, 2015 at 12:23 am //

    Number 3 can backfire, providing them with the energy and sustenance to continue gaming, only with greasy hands, leading to the need for a new controller. Too risky a strategy in my opinion.

    Try a carpet-bomb strategy like leaving the grid and living in the woods with no power.

    Like

    • Amy Reese // October 25, 2015 at 5:07 pm //

      Although, if they are serious gamers, they won’t grease up the controller. They know the value of their equipment. I’m just not sure I’m ready to leave the grid. I like my phone too much. And no Internet?! I don’t know how long I’d last. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Dylan Mottino // November 14, 2015 at 7:49 pm //

    Don’t you just love it when your friend is playing a video game and you scare the crap out of them? I do. That it my life. That is what I do for fun. Muhahahahha! Watch your backs when your playing video games. I will find you and when I do, I will scare you and put it on youtube!!! WATCH YOUR BACK! I”M COMING!! ( I’m not a serial killer )

    Liked by 1 person

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