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Breaking News: This Spectacular Astronomical Event Visible Today Will Rival Sunday’s Lunar Eclipse

Last Sunday night, many of you have watched a rare full lunar eclipse, which coincided with the Supermoon, blood moon, and harvest moon. In fact, according to Nielsen Research, the eclipse had been watched by more people than any other show on Sunday night, reaching about 22.7 million viewers and 18.4% Nielsen rating. Of course, the eclipse had the advantage over other TV show because it was shown without any ads.



However, according to Chicago University astronomer Dr. Nicos Copper, whom we are about to interview, Earth will experience an even more awesome astronomical event today, one that could eclipse the lunar eclipse in its sheer awesomeness. Dr. Copper, if we understood your explanation correctly, what’s going to happens is that Earth will turn in such a way that the Sun will seem to be disappearing and will change its color?

Dr. Copper: Correct, due to Earth’s rotation on its axis, at about 6:20 P.M. Central Time our planet will be positioned so that to a person in the Chicago area the Sun will appear at the horizon, causing solar rays to be refracted in the Earth’s atmosphere as if it were a prism, dispersing blue and green colors of the visible spectrum, but projecting yellow to red light frequencies toward the surface, which would increase the Sun’s perceived size and change the color of the Sun and surrounding sky to orange, then to red, until the Sun fully descents below th horizon…

LAP: This is what is normally called a “sunset”, right?

Dr. Copper: Exactly. Except the sun doesn’t actually “set”, it’s the Earth’s rotation that makes it seem like the Sun is moving, setting and rising, but, of course, you already knew that.

LAP: Uhhhh… yeah. So in a way, we’re both making the eclipse AND watching it? So it’s kind of twice as cool as the lunar eclipse?

Dr. Copper: Well, science cannot measure comparative coolness of the two events. They are both magnificent…

LAP: But this is more awesome?

Dr. Copper: Well, let’s face it, lunar eclipse is just a shadow covering, then uncovering the Moon, and that visibly impacts the Moon only. Today’s event, however, could illuminate the entire western quadrant of the sky in brilliant golden, orange, and crimson hues, contrasting with the cerulean tinge of the rest of the sky, until the Sun completely disappears below the horizon…

LAP: The Sun will DISAPPEAR? Will it come back?

Dr. Copper: Yes, we are pretty confident that the Sun will again be visible by around 6.50A.M. tomorrow.

LAP: Whew… I heard that Sunday’s lunar eclipse was seen through almost the entire United States, but was not in Asia and Africa. Will all of our readers be able to see today’s sunset?

Dr. Copper: Provided the weather cooperates and there isn’t too much cloud cover, your readers should be able to observe this stunning event at least as far north as Green Bay and as far south as Nashville, according to our model. At the same time, neither East nor West coast will be able to enjoy this experience: on the East coast, the Sun will have descended below the horizon, while in the West the Sun will be too high above the horizon to produce the same impressive show.

LAP: Sorry, we just have to ask – this thing happens every day or so, right?

Dr. Copper: Yes, technically this event not as rare as a lunar eclipse, but an average person only watches this event in its entirety maybe five to ten times in their lifetime. So be sure to watch it, and definitely wear eye protection, because staring directly into the sun can be harmful.

LAP: Thank you, Dr. Copper. And since our organization is all about fairness and balance, we will ask a random passerby for their expert opinion on the matter. Hi! What is your name, and what do you think about today’s sunset?

Random Passerby: Good day. My name is Ada M. Torkey, and I’m glad you asked me about the astronomy. I’ve long been trying to get the school boards to recognize that astronomy is a just a theory, if not an outright hoax, and the schools have to at least teach the alternate viewpoints.

LAP: And what’s the alternate view of the sunset?

Ms. Torkey: Well, obviously, it’s God sending the sun every evening to burn in Hell for daring to shine its light on heathens and homosexuals, and then the sun is redeemed every morning. But if y’all don’t repent, the sun won’t get redeemed and the end times shall be upon us!

LAP: Thank you, Ms. Torkey, for balancing this story. So there you have it – watch the sunset today, wear protection, and repent your sins.


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About List of X (4 Articles)
An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at

4 Comments on Breaking News: This Spectacular Astronomical Event Visible Today Will Rival Sunday’s Lunar Eclipse

  1. I’m kind of scared to watch now…


  2. I’m kind of scared to talk to people who think celestial mechanics and physics are just “wild theories.”


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