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The Bible Of Secret Fast Food Menus

In the begining... Harry Synder created In-N-Out Burger, and he said "Let there be burgers and fries and shakes and let it be good." And the public said it was good. But the public is finicky and demanded special orders, and bun-less burgers, and meatless meats and Harry Synder saw unto this, and created the In-N-Out Burger secret menu.... And the internet said it was good. Then "Animal Style",  "4x4", "Flying Dutchman" entered the ark, and the secret In-N-Burger menu soon became the not-so-secret In-N-Out Burger menu. And the hipsters said it was bad. For the hipsters demanded knowledge to be bestowed upon them that only they would be knowledgeable of, and went out 40 days and 40 nights in their Prius's, and their Jeep Wagoneers, and their 1991 Toyota Corollas, traveling to and fro, and finally stopping at Starbucks to find their new secret menu. Their journey uncovered the Butterbeer Frappuccino. And it was good.

Jump to modern day times and now it seems every Quick Service resturant has a secret menu. Of course anyone with a computer, an internet connection, and access to the web page, can quickly discover these secret menu items that previously only the rich and famous and in-the-know, knew about.

McDonald’s is the latest to jump into the secret menu shuffle. The PR spokesmen for McDonald’s actually credits it’s customers for coming up with the menu, which seems about right as in the example of the “Land. Sea, and Air” monstrosity. It’s a Big Mac, a Filet-O-Fish, and a McChicken all piled together between buns.



Let’s just break this down for a second:

Big Mac – Calorie count: 530

Filet o Fish – Calorie count: 390

McChicken – Calorie count: 370

Total Calorie Count: Heart Attack

On the web site, you will see plenty of restaurants that have the secret menu options. When people go to full service restaurants they often change their entree by substituting this for that, so it would make sense that fast food restaurants would also have things changed by the picky, picky, picky, general public.

We will give McDonald’s one caveat for a secret menu item that probably no other fast food chain or full service restaurant can claim.

The award is for the most elusive and rarest of secret menu items…ever! This secret menu item is like trying to find Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster in the spelunking section of a Target. It’s so rare, that it can only be ordered between 10:30 am and 11 am, and it’s the aptly named:  The Mc10:35



Its of course a Double Burger stuffed under an Egg McMuffin…and it’s a thing of beauty!

So we in the office were thinking…wow, that’s great…all these restaurants have nifty little secret menus to up their street cred…but are they becoming too normal to the fast food experience now? The niche has worn off. We at the Long Awkward Pause offices, located in beautiful Montana, (this month) have decided to come up with a secret menu of our own…but this menu involves using items from more than one fast food establishment at the same time.

And the world cried, “Genius!”

 Fried Ice Cream


A Taco Salad from Taco Bell

A Hot Fudge Sundae from Dairy Queen

Those crispy fried batter pieces from Long John Silvers


Take the hot fudge sundae and roll it around in the crispy fried batter pieces and then gently place inside the taco salad shell.

Waffle Fry Steak Nachos


Chick-fil-A Waffle Fries

Steak Bowl with veggies from Chipotle

Sauce packets from Taco Bell

Pull Apart Cheese from 711


Dump steak bowl out and put in waffle fries. Scoop steak and veggies back onto waffle fries. Shred pull apart cheese and sprinkle on top. Add sauce to desired tasting.

Sheppard’s Pie


Mashed Potatoes from Kentucky Fried Chicken

Burger King Hamburger Happy Meal

Vegetable soup from Panera Bread

Cheese Pizza from Pizza Hut


Crumble the hamburger onto the mashed potatoes and add the vegetable soup lightly on top. Scrap the cheese from the pizza for the toppping. Garnish with pizza crusts.

The Burger Of Awesome


Hamburger patty from McDonalds

Hamburger patty from Wendy’s

Hamburger patty from Burger King

Two hamburger patties from White Castle with pickles

Nacho Cheese Sauce from any gas station

Parmesan bread from Subway

Arrange burgers in bread, but be sure to place one White Castle patty on one end and the other on the opposite. Put pickles on top. Spread nacho cheese across one side of bread.

Point to sky in a superior gesture and enjoy!




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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss Follow the show on twitter at @podcast42show

16 Comments on The Bible Of Secret Fast Food Menus

  1. I got fat just reading this. However, I’m happy that Hipsters find In-n-Out too well-known to be cool. More I-n-O for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How many times must a Secret Menu be shared before it’s no longer secret?

    Our town just got a Chipotle; I want a double wrap burrito!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Once it hits the internet, it’s all over. We have gotten information that Chipotle hates the secret menu because it takes longer for them to make, so ask for it on a slow day.


  3. I gained ten pounds reading this. Now I will spend the rest of the day investigating these secret menus. Thanks for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Creativity all over and commented:
    Hilarious post from Long Awkward pause. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Just rebblogged this!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I kind of threw up in my mouth a little. I don’t like regular McD’s food, let alone any “secrets” they might serve.

    Liked by 1 person

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