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Worst Design Ever: Gyrospheres In Jurassic World

This article should not give anything away spoiler wise if you have not seen Jurassic World.

Probably.

The Gyrospheres in Jurassic World seem like a really cool idea for a theme park ride…at first.

source: jurassicworldnews.com

source: jurassicworldnews.com

If you haven’t seen the movie, the concept of this ride is a self guided protection bubble that allows you to roam freely amoungst the herbivores.

As is the new trend in major theme park rides nowadays, they get a celebrity to explain the rules, operation of, and safety procedures of the attraction. In this case, it’s Jimmy Fallon.

source: entertainthis.usatoday.com

source: entertainthis.usatoday.com

The movie does not show Fallon’s full presentation, but it seemed the typical cheesy-fun-not-trying-to-bore-you-but-we-must-tell-you-this-stuff-so-you-don’t-sue-us-Disney-Universal Studios type jargon.

Those Gyrospheres really do allow you to get close to those Dinosaurs by the way.

(Warning: Look away from the dinosaur pee pee!)

source: newsrule.com

“Oh my! What meaty thighs you have!”  source: newsrule.com

On the surface this all seems really cool, right?

Of course! And remember, it’s a movie. You need to allow some license and suspension of reality. Otherwise, if you nick pick apart every single plot point, you’ll end up not enjoying the film and wasting your $46 bucks that you spent on the 3D version with the upgraded sound and special massage warmer seating that only Theater Two has.

(Take that Theater One people with your lack luster sound and seating that the only thing special about it is…the fact that cup holder is extra round to accommodate the new 78 ounce soda cups with the built in 360 degree bendy straw buddy attachment! Nana nana boo boo!)

After all…this is a movie based on the concept of building a theme park out of reconstituted, re-hydrated, spliced genetic dinosaurs.

But on the other hand….sometimes it’s just so darn fun to nick pick apart every single thing…

So here is a list of everything wrong with the Gyrosphere Ride at Jurassic World.

(Currently closed for renovations.)

(Oops…that might be a spoiler.)

(Stop yelling and cursing at us…like you couldn’t figure that out already…)

1) No Track

This sign would lead you to believe that there is a certain path…or trail…or track…or direction to pilot the Gyrosphere…but that is not the case at all. Once you leave the gate, the general public is allowed to drive freely where ever they desire in the Gyrophere Valley. That’s really cool in concept, until Grandma gets behind the wheel of one of these things. What happens if you hit a dinosaur? What happens if a teenager decides it’s a bumper car? What happens if you drive under a Brontosaurs and get lodged under his belly?

Giving the public access to complete control of any type of ride in a theme park is a recipe for disaster. You need to take a cue from Disneyland’s Tomorrowland Speedway and put a track down.

source: land.allears.net

source: land.allears.net

It’s almost like they wanted controversy…

2) No Safety Net

source: screenrant.com

source: screenrant.com

Apparently you can take the Gyrospheres anywhere you want! There are no rules here! Why would you need rules when you have dinosaurs running around! Hell, even Walmart does not allow you to take their shopping carts past a certain point in their parking lot without the wheels locking up and causing you to jackknife face first into the pavement!

Not Jurassic World Gyrospheres!

If you can get them off the island, take them to your local golf course and use them as a golf cart. If you can get them off the island, take them to down the interstate…in the fast lane…and race that one idiot on a Vespa. If you can get them off the island, find those giant Kia Hamsters and give it to them, and watch them freak out!

3) Dinosaur Poop

source: nerdapproved.com

source: nerdapproved.com

Enough said.

 


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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

18 Comments on Worst Design Ever: Gyrospheres In Jurassic World

  1. Now this is some insightful-ass shit right here. Bravo! So I see the LAP staff is busy digging away at the meaty, real issues with this movie while the rest of the mediaverse and twitterati go on and on about… high heels.

    Like

  2. The Gyrosphere bugged me after the film as well. I never thought that keeping it clean from dinodung was an issue though. If nanotech can be used to keep clothes dry in our world, then I’m sure it can be used to keep the gyrosphere clean.

    My issues are more practical. First of the security settings you mentioned. I find the free-roaming aspect pretty cool and all, but there needs to be an override. A GPS override could kick in to prevent collisions and should prevent people from leaving the designated area. Also since there is no track there should be a time limit. The cart could autopilot the visitor back when time runs out. This way you can manage the visitor flow and also show the visitors standing in line how long they have to wait.

    Then you have the amount of people that fit into the gyrosphere: two. Two? This is a family park, right? The choice of having two seats makes no sense. It suits the scene, sure, but not the ride.

    Argh, I’m overthinking things again…

    Like

    • Perfect. Yes. You could be a park designer. Don’t even get me started on the whole “main street” thing where all the people had to do was sit on the steps when all the rides closed…

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      • People would be spread around the park, so the park capacity is normal. Don’t forget the hotels! Visitors could have gone to their rooms – but for the sake of that awesome scene, they didn’t.

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  3. And there’s also a danger of some larger dinosaurs confusing the spheres for their eggs and trying to sit on them until they hatch.
    And let’s not even talk about dinosaur soccer…

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  4. It’s lacklustre or, in Ameri-English – lackluster, I guess. But yeah, the gyrospheres were both stupid and crucial to the equally stupid but enjoyable plot.

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  5. Not to mention the fact that they are fully-enclosed transparent spheres with no ventilation in the Central America. Roasting and suffocating one’s guests in a dinosaur paddock seems ill-advised.

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  6. A graphene nano coating would make the sphere impervious to dirt and poop, and jimmy falon did mention the “invisible fense” which makes me think that if the spheres get to close to a dinosaur it would shock the dino and scare them away hence no dino soccer or egg squatting.

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  7. It was on autopilot………….

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  8. obviously the person writing this article hasn’t made ANY background research.
    1.The website says that is you get too close to a dinosaur, the Gyrosphere will move backwards to a safe distance.
    2. The Gyrospheres are on a path through the valley but visitors can move it around themselves.
    3. Most people would move around the dino poo if they saw it – It’s common sense!
    4.(This is to a previous comment) I highly doubt a dinosaur would sit on it and mistake it for an egg. the dino knows what its egg looks like, and why would the egg be blue and made of grass?!
    5. It’s an Apatosaurus, not a Brontosaurus.

    Like

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