May 24th - May 30th 2015
Charlie Charlie Can We Become An Internet Thing?
There is a new game sweeping the internets where you take two pencils and form a cross with them over a grid of yes and no.
Exactly like this:
Then you say, “Charlie, Charlie can we play?” After a very tense moments the pencil is suppose to move to the appropriate answer because you have just summoned a Mexican demon.
We don’t know any Mexicans or demons named Charlie, but after you summon this one, he/it will answer your questions. Questions ranging anywhere from:
“How many Mexicans named Charlie do you think they are?”
“Was Charlie your Dad’s name? Are you a Charlie Jr?”
“Do they have Red Velvet Cake in Hell?”
If you want to witness Charlie in action, you can find a slew of YouTube and Vine videos everywhere.
However they all seem to follow the same script:
1) Show Pencils
2) Say, “Charlie, Charlie can we play?”
3) Pencils and/or some other object randomly moves
4) Scream and run.
In the never ending world of Hollywood reboots and remakes comes another one, the beloved and horrible: Point Break.
We predict it now…after the first week of release this movie will drop out of sight.
No Swayze (He is dead…we know…but he played a ghost once…he can do it again.)
As far as we can tell, no surfing
No Presidential masks.
We are guessing…no Red Hot Chili Peppers.
And the final nail in the Johnny Utah coffin:
The guy who wrote the reboot to Total Recall….which was unwatchable…wrote this one as well.
This was not a great movie to begin with, and the only things that made it iconic was what we just listed above.
We will give this one a big extreme thumbs down.
The IPhone Now Comes With Text Message Crash Feature
If your buddy has an iPhone and you want to be a bad friend, you can send him a very specific text message and…
His iPhone explodes!
Well, it doesn’t really explode, but it does shut off.
Apple says this is a feature.
Ok, Apple did not say that…but they did say if you turn off notifications or have them go through your iWatch (as long as your iWatch is not sitting on top of your wrist tattoo) then every thing will be fine.
And an incentive for you to buy an iWatch! Score Apple!
Apple is working on fixing the problem and should have it install the iPhone Ocho.
Westboro Baptist Hates The Ivory Coast But Secretly Wants To Hate Ireland
You know what really sucks?!
When you are out hating on people in the name of religion, and your trying to hate on one country, but you flip the flag around accidentally and inadvertently hate on different country.
These countries really need to get their act together and make it easier for religious cults to hate on them. Imagine the egg on Westboro Baptist’s faces when in trying to hate Ireland for allowing same sex marriage, they hate the Ivory Coast for the blood diamond trade instead.
Someone should really make a flag hating chart.
I Want All Your Baby Back Baby Back Baby Back Ribs, Bitch
Memorial Day turned into a backyard war zone when Sabrina Davis stabbed her friend in the eye. The victim was leaving the kitchen with the last of the BBQ Ribs when Davis took a fork and used it as a deadly weapon.
We imagine the conversation went like this:
Davis: Did you take the last of the BBQ ribs?!
Rib Eater: Uh huh.
Davis: Don’t you think you have eaten enough ribs? Maybe someone else wants one?!
Rib Eater: No. The sauce is good.
Davis: Oh thank you! I’m glad you like my sauce! It was my Grandmother’s recipe. *Grabs fork. Stabs Rib Eater in the eye.*
The victim went to the hospital and was treated for lacerations and a swollen eye. Davis went to jail on a $5,000 bond. The BBQ sauce has acquired an agent.
The is a new type of food bacteria attacking food stuff in the UK called Campylobacter. A name which sounds more like a SyFy Channel movie rather than a deadly type of food poisoning.
It mostly comes from eating under cooked or not properly cleaned poultry.
The symptoms are of that of most food poisoning: the poopys, stomach ache, and everyone’s favorite…death.
Warning: British Scientists
Warning: Bacteria Black Light
Warning: We secretly replaced the boring video with the world’s greatest Swedish crowd funded action movie ever: Kung Fury!
News From The Office
Rants speaks to the graduating class of 2015
Ned is quickly turning his children’s rooms into 70’s recreational retreats.
Oma is on secret assignment
Mike Callahan is on secret assignment to follow Oma.
Katie is following Mike around, but it’s not a secret.
Jack is following Ned around, which Oma knows about.
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