With the new Star Wars movie on the horizon, the Death Star Public Relations team is looking for ways to beef up the tainted image of the Galactic Empire. They say there is no such thing as bad press...but Darth Vader and company have a lot of ill feelings to try to patch. Plus they lost a lot of support in the Alderaan camp...like a whole planet's worth. Only time will tell if the Galactic Empire can turn around their bad boy image before the onslaught of movies, merchandise, and J.J. Abrams interviews flood the media. Happy Valentine's Day! Anyway... Happy Saturday!
1. Frosty The Stormtrooper
BrainRants: Boy Stormtrooper says to Girl Stormtrooper, “Bet you can’t shoot this carrot off my face.”
Omawarisan: Yeah, go on and throw your pretend gang sign. Everyone outside your helmet knows that you’re still a nerd.
Ned: Let’s see how far they get once they leave the white Stormtrooper neighborhood.
List of X: These are not the elves you are looking for.
2. Empire Sports Tonight
BrainRants: “That’s true, sports fans, the Stormtrooper pitcher… missed.”
Omawarisan: And in that moment, Mark Grace admitted to himself what so many others already knew. He would never be in the hall of fame
Ned: Why do those Stormtroopers have “Fox News” signs on their penises?
List of X: But how can they tell which is Mark and which one is Daron?
3. Pretty In Pink
BrainRants: “I’m sexy. I’d f**k me, but I’d miss.”
Ned: Who knew Bruce Jenner was also into Stormtrooper outfits?
List of X: I have to go on an undercover mission to Florida.
4. Getting Down To This Sick Beat (copyright Taylor Swift)
BrainRants: Stormtroopers trying to hit the beat right… aaaaand missing.
Omawarisan: OMG, its the Katy Perry half time show!
Ned: I won’t lie; those mini Stormtroopers are really creepy for some reason. If they came to my house trick-or-treating I would open the door and crap myself.
List of X: So you say you’re not interested in being conquered by the Evil Galactic Empire. But why not at least try out a small sample?
5. The Annual Death Star Blood Drive
BrainRants: “Let me just get this in your vein… oops, I missed.”
Omawarisan: This has hardly anything to do with the idea of the picture. Is white really a good color choice for a military type of uniform? I’m just thinking it’s hard to camouflage and keep clean. Oh, and it sort of represents surrender.
Ned: “How come you no have gir-friend? I fix nail nice and you have gir-friend more faster.”
6. Is There A Trap Door Or Something?!
BrainRants: Stormtrooper Shitter Rule #1: Even with a good seal, you’re gonna miss the water.
Omawarisan: That whole bit that I just wrote about camouflage? Yeah, scratch that if there’s ever a battle in a tiled bathroom.
Ned: “Hey, I’m making a Proton torpedo!”
List of X: A trained stormtrooper can do his business even with the toilet lid closed.
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