Latest And Greatest

The Saturday Six: Creepy Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards

 saturday six

It's that time of year to celebrate Love and Black History. And who doesn't love black history? See what we did there? This week we are going to travel back in time. We are going to travel back to a much simpler era where life was grand, cars were a novelty, smoking was expected, and the women wore bathing suits like this: bathingsuits   Looking sexy there ladies! Can you believe Beth and Mary Ann are revealing their knees! Scandalous! If Instagram was around during the roaring 20's this picture would be taken down for sure. The 'Free The Kneecap!' movement would not happen for about another 3 years...thank goodness! Since Valentine's Day is coming up, we figured we would focus on  love this week. The Vintage Valentine's Day cards below (as far as we can tell) are all real. Even though women can now wear strings as bathing suits, we are pretty sure most men would be slapped for passing these out to their 'best' girl. Anyway... Happy Saturday!

1. I Think These Two Are In The Wrong Positions


source: google


BrainRants: How ironic is it that this resembles the cards terrorists send each other, except theirs have goats and not Brahma bulls.

Omawarisan: Pull my horns! Yes! Pull my horns!

Ned: And with the passing of Old McDonald, Mrs. McDonald grew increasingly lonely on  the farm…


2. 1920’s Version Of A Dick Pic?


source: google


BrainRants: See Dick.  Dick likes Jane.  So does Billy, Dick’s owner.

Omawarisan: Is being cock sure a good thing? I mean, sometimes they don’t make wise choices.

Ned: I save being “cock sure” for really big decisions *cough cough*

3. Probably Not Because You Are A Eunuch


source: google


BrainRants: To continue the bestiality theme, this one with spicy Satanism.

Omawarisan: Come on man, you’re the Prince Of Darkness! You can’t afford a Brazilian?

Ned: Fine. In retrospect this card was probably a little racy for third grade. Sue me.


4. Saw This For 20 Pesos In Mexico Once


source: google


BrainRants: Animal lovin’ four out of four.  What kind of sick people were our grandparents and great-grandparents?

Omawarisan: Only a jackass would wear a yellow tie with that suit. Only a jackass would wear that suit.

Ned: At least Hallmark was classy enough to re-think the tongue.

5. We Think This Is A Confusing Way To Say, “I Want To Have Sex.”


source: google


BrainRants: ‘Screwtinize,’ ‘Barber Pole’ and ‘Pig-Tail.’  You’ll find these in Urban Dictionary along with ‘Cleveland Steamer,’ ‘Dirty Sanchez,’ and ‘Blomper.’  And of course, another animal.

Omawarisan: “Consult your doctor immediately if you have an erection that lasts more than four hours or looks anything like a pig tail.”

Ned: I’m sorry my crossdressing friend, but the bottom line is you’re screwed.

6.  Bill Cosby’s Granddad’s Valentine


source: google


BrainRants:  A card for every fetish imaginable.  Is this Rule #34?  Thanks, Japan.  AND ANOTHER ANIMAL!

Omawarisan: Don’t be CROSS, “GAS” who it is? Your valentine, Cathy Cankles.

Ned: “Be My Valentine.”  — Love, Bride of Chucky




Facebook: Long Awkward Pause

Twitter: @LongAwkPause

Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag

Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic

LAP TV: YouTube

Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss Follow the show on twitter at @podcast42show

34 Comments on The Saturday Six: Creepy Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards

  1. These are the things nightmares are made of. Who would have thought the least offensive picture in the post would be the women in their bathing garments. Of course, I’m pretty sure there isn’t an animal in that one. Wait. Third from the right. What’s that on her head?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow. That’s all. Especially after having to google a couple of Brain’s terms.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Today I’m making it my personal goal to use the term “cock sure” five times.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m still unsettled by all this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That was hilarious!

    ‘Cock sure’ was as overused for it’s time as ‘awesome,’ ‘my bad,’ and you know’ have been overused in the past 30 years. It makes me wonder what meaning our overused words of today will have in 50 years. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. And there you go…It would seem as if in days of yore it was more acceptable to put a (white) woman in a possibly sexual posing with an animal than with a with a black man…weren’t there any black Valentines day cards in keeping with the juxtaposition of the two events this month?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thats not Cathy Cankles. Look at how far her eyes are apart. Thats Cathy DolphinFace.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. The commentary though. Y’all are a riot. Sort of the MT3K of VD (that’s Valentine’s Day.. or course).

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on The Nudge Wink Report and commented:
    Oma is MIA from NWR this week. Possibly he’s on a beach somewhere enjoying a frosty beverage. Possibly he’s still digging out from the snow. Possibly he’s still recovering from Super Bowl Sunday. With Oma, anything is possible. Thankfully, we here at The Nudge Wink Report have a fall back position. It’s called “Long Awkward Pause.” Take it away, guys!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Those were the days. When sentiment really meant something. Usually something gross and crass.
    I miss those days. *sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

  11. So good. Excellent finds and a great idea for a post. They sure knew what they were doing back then. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Haha…Since this was the the time of Prohibition, I’d say someone hit the moonshine a bit too hard. Or, there were some genuinely twisted teas running around. The Roaring ’20s was actually a wild and crazy decade. I would have been more disturbed if these were written in the Victorian times.

    Happy Saturday!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thanks to #3 we finally have an answer to the age-old question, “Does Satan’s carpet match the drapes?”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. alexa toni ann boccia // February 8, 2015 at 12:20 am //

    nightmaires come to life for sure! Great article though.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hey don’t knock ’em, if cards like that hadn’t helped the guys to get their gals back then, we wouldn’t be around to laugh at them now right?

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: