99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words
“I ate.”
“You are all losers!” (also known as “Vacation photos”)
“You’re not wasting enough time on Facebook. Here, play this game.”
“I, myself, can make a photo of myself all by myself.”
“I have a kid (visual proof attached).”
“Ask me if I’m Okay!” (the answer is Not Okay and yes, you still have to ask)
“Happy birthday, dear someone I barely know in real life.”
Funny picture of a cat.
Funny video of something other than a cat.
And 90% of Facebook: An ad pretending to be something other than an ad.
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longawkwardpause.wordpress.com 
Also, I’m drinking again today with the same people I drank with yesterday and the day before that. Here’s proof.
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That’s a common one, too, unless there’s also food in the photo which would classify it as the “I ate” category.
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I’ve linked my blog to Facebook because I hate trying to use it for anything else. 🙂
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I also hate using Facebook for anything, so I just use it for mocking.
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I’ve stopped counting the reasons why I don’t have Facebook. You’ve covered most of them in this post.
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Actually, there are way to many reasons to dislike Facebook to try to list them all. 🙂
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This is why I stick to my blog and Twitter. And even Twitter is far too limiting.
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Yeah, why can’t they make it even just 150 characters? ??
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It’s all politics.
I’m not sure how, but it’s always political.
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I can’t disagree with that. I’m just not sure if it’s Obama’s fault or Al Qaeda’s.
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This was HILARIOUS, by the way!
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Thank you!
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No, thank YOU!
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You’ve convinced me to not get a facebook.
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I didn’t think anyone still has to be convinced not to get Facebook. In my experience, there are only three types of people in terms of Facebook preference: those who have it, those who don’t like it, and those who have it and don’t like it.
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Dude, you don’t have Facebook? How does everyone know you eat or have a family or go on vacations!?
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You forgot ‘I’m in a new relationship and have clearly been the only person in the history of the planet to be in love’ or ‘I’ve just got married’ both with photographs of their spouses attached…
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Actually, I’ve used up fewer than 99 words, so there’s place for that, too.
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Or I’m ill, complete with a list of symptoms
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Isn’t that just another version of “Ask me if I’m Okay!” status?
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No, my friends go into great detail about where they’re oozing from. There’s no need to ask them, they share TMI as a matter of course…
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It’s possible these oozing friends of yours are jealous of other friends posting pictures of elaborate meals and are trying to make them lose their appetite.
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Haha! Or they want to join in with the baby vomit updates from the others…
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I’m guilty of pictures that say “here’s the fabulous dinner I had last night” and “Haha former high school hotshots, I still have hair!”
You forgot “Woman walks down street, sees homeless dog and gives it a sandwich, even though the dog catcalled her. You WON’T BELIEVE what happened next”
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“You won’t believe what happened next” is obviously an ad not even trying too hard to pretend to be something other than an ad.
Personally, when I see a headline like that, I expect that what happened next is that the dog said “Thank you so much, ma’am”, turned into a giant three-headed alien, pooped out a 40 pound diamond as a sign of his and hers gratitude, and blasted off into space. Naturally, I kept getting disappointed by the actual article, so eventually I stopped clicking on them.
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You hit on all the reasons I don’t like Facebook!
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Really? Cause I’m sure I can dig up a few more. 🙂
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Words of truth right there.
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And definitely not too many of them. 🙂
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Indeed you could have gone on and listed more, I have my own bugbears about Facebook too, though mostly about people being oblivious to controlling their privacy settings. This post is looking pretty popular perhaps you should do a sequel to it. Please if you do… include the people who clearly use English as their first language but seem to be typing with their faces and have never heard of a spell checker. XD
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Or how about a 99 percent of Youtube in 99 words?
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I don’t know much about Youtube. I feel that by staying on Facebook I fulfill all of my obligations to keep track of my friends’ social network activity.
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Reblogged this on Playing for Time and commented:
Yup, pretty much.
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You pretty much nailed it, X. I think they should make Facebook more specific, like one just for proctologists (ButtFace) or people who trade up for a better spouse after the divorce (InYourFace), etc.
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Or, for cosmetic surgeons, NewFaceBook. Or, for the people who are sure it’s just a fad, Phasebook.
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Lol! Phasebook!
Or for religious fanatics: PraiseBook.
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People might not realize I have a child. Better post another pic to make sure. (And I’m being serious. This is what 90% of my posts are these days)
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“Because doubtlessly I’m the only person in the world who has ever had a child.”
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Done-to-death quotes on love/relationships against the backdrop of a sunset or a beach or a sunset on a beach, where two people are looking lovingly at each other and holding hands.
*shudder*
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Oh, definitely. “When the words fail you and there is emptiness in your Facebook feed, post an inspirational quote” (photo of a sunset not included)
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Oh then you can use the ones written on a solid black background that signifies the kind of phase you’re going through – dark.
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Reblogged this on princesscutmedia's Blog.
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Look how wise I am, I can share things other people have written and add the words “So true” all by myself!
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So true!!
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So true. My favorites are the ads masquerading as games and not-ads that they get people I know to try to sell to ME! I mean, do people get paid to push that crap on other people? Where do I go to get on that band wagon?
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I’m not sure you need it. I thought you were supposed to receive a $167 million check from Facebook any day now.
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I think that check got lost in the same mail bundle as the check from WordPress for letting them stick WordAds on my blog. Damn post office.
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What about posting own artworks?
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That depends on what you draw. If it’s still lifes and self-portraits, this post still applies 🙂
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What about not self portraits?
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Because I don’t know what to say 😶
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A very humble storyteller, I see. 🙂
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Most likely. 😳 because I often get cold feet whenever I need to introduce myself.
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I use plurk. (acanadiansnowflake) … granted I ignore that too. My attention span is that of a rabid squirrel.
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Maybe you should move to Twitter. 210 character limit of Plurk just sounds so daunting…. oooh, a rabid squirrel!
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Yep, this is my exact timeline and I’m ok with that.
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I’m okay with that too.
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Haters! I may get frustrated with Facebook but honestly it has kept me in touch with family and friends while living overseas so I can’t rage against it.
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I’m not mocking Facebook. I’m summarizing it.
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X , you got this 100% right. It’s perfect!
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Thank you. I was only really aiming for 99% 🙂
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Hahaha yes that’s really often :p
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Reblogged this on nadineswaity.
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I think this is one of the first posts on LAP that didn’t feature boobs.
What’s going on over there?
*grin*
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I’m the new guy here, and don’t know all the rules yet.
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At least 1% of posts involve people who are into CrossFat, bragging about how strong their giant legs are.
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I don’t have those in my feed. But some post how many miles they ran today, from which I guess I am supposed to infer just how strong their giant legs are.
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