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99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

If you have spent more than a few minutes on Facebook, you've probably noticed that a lot of Facebook posts are actually very similar in nature. In fact, you could probably rephrase most of Facebook posts as one of the updates below, thus summarizing 99% of entire Facebook in fewer than 100 words.

“I ate.”

“You are all losers!” (also known as “Vacation photos”)

“You’re not wasting enough time on Facebook. Here, play this game.”

“I, myself, can make a photo of myself all by myself.”

“I have a kid (visual proof attached).”

“Ask me if I’m Okay!” (the answer is Not Okay and yes, you still have to ask)

“Happy birthday, dear someone I barely know in real life.”

Funny picture of a cat.

Funny video of something other than a cat.

And 90% of Facebook: An ad pretending to be something other than an ad.

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About List of X (4 Articles)
An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com

67 Comments on 99 Percent Of Facebook In 99 Words

  1. Also, I’m drinking again today with the same people I drank with yesterday and the day before that. Here’s proof.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve linked my blog to Facebook because I hate trying to use it for anything else. 🙂

    Like

  3. I’ve stopped counting the reasons why I don’t have Facebook. You’ve covered most of them in this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is why I stick to my blog and Twitter. And even Twitter is far too limiting.

    Like

  5. This was HILARIOUS, by the way!

    Like

  6. You’ve convinced me to not get a facebook.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I didn’t think anyone still has to be convinced not to get Facebook. In my experience, there are only three types of people in terms of Facebook preference: those who have it, those who don’t like it, and those who have it and don’t like it.

      Like

    • Dude, you don’t have Facebook? How does everyone know you eat or have a family or go on vacations!?

      Like

  7. You forgot ‘I’m in a new relationship and have clearly been the only person in the history of the planet to be in love’ or ‘I’ve just got married’ both with photographs of their spouses attached…

    Like

  8. Or I’m ill, complete with a list of symptoms

    Like

  9. I’m guilty of pictures that say “here’s the fabulous dinner I had last night” and “Haha former high school hotshots, I still have hair!”

    You forgot “Woman walks down street, sees homeless dog and gives it a sandwich, even though the dog catcalled her. You WON’T BELIEVE what happened next”

    Like

    • “You won’t believe what happened next” is obviously an ad not even trying too hard to pretend to be something other than an ad.
      Personally, when I see a headline like that, I expect that what happened next is that the dog said “Thank you so much, ma’am”, turned into a giant three-headed alien, pooped out a 40 pound diamond as a sign of his and hers gratitude, and blasted off into space. Naturally, I kept getting disappointed by the actual article, so eventually I stopped clicking on them.

      Like

  10. You hit on all the reasons I don’t like Facebook!

    Like

  11. Words of truth right there.

    Like

    • And definitely not too many of them. 🙂

      Like

      • Indeed you could have gone on and listed more, I have my own bugbears about Facebook too, though mostly about people being oblivious to controlling their privacy settings. This post is looking pretty popular perhaps you should do a sequel to it. Please if you do… include the people who clearly use English as their first language but seem to be typing with their faces and have never heard of a spell checker. XD

        Like

      • Or how about a 99 percent of Youtube in 99 words?

        Like

        • I don’t know much about Youtube. I feel that by staying on Facebook I fulfill all of my obligations to keep track of my friends’ social network activity.

          Like

  12. Reblogged this on Playing for Time and commented:
    Yup, pretty much.

    Like

  13. You pretty much nailed it, X. I think they should make Facebook more specific, like one just for proctologists (ButtFace) or people who trade up for a better spouse after the divorce (InYourFace), etc.

    Like

  14. People might not realize I have a child. Better post another pic to make sure. (And I’m being serious. This is what 90% of my posts are these days)

    Like

  15. Done-to-death quotes on love/relationships against the backdrop of a sunset or a beach or a sunset on a beach, where two people are looking lovingly at each other and holding hands.
    *shudder*

    Like

  16. Look how wise I am, I can share things other people have written and add the words “So true” all by myself!

    Like

  17. So true. My favorites are the ads masquerading as games and not-ads that they get people I know to try to sell to ME! I mean, do people get paid to push that crap on other people? Where do I go to get on that band wagon?

    Like

  18. What about posting own artworks?

    Like

  19. Because I don’t know what to say 😶

    Like

  20. I use plurk. (acanadiansnowflake) … granted I ignore that too. My attention span is that of a rabid squirrel.

    Like

  21. Yep, this is my exact timeline and I’m ok with that.

    Like

  22. Haters! I may get frustrated with Facebook but honestly it has kept me in touch with family and friends while living overseas so I can’t rage against it.

    Like

  23. X , you got this 100% right. It’s perfect!

    Like

  24. Hahaha yes that’s really often :p

    Like

  25. I think this is one of the first posts on LAP that didn’t feature boobs.
    What’s going on over there?
    *grin*

    Like

  26. At least 1% of posts involve people who are into CrossFat, bragging about how strong their giant legs are.

    Like

    • I don’t have those in my feed. But some post how many miles they ran today, from which I guess I am supposed to infer just how strong their giant legs are.

      Like

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