The best tasting, as well as most expensive coffee in the world is actually filtered through the digestive track of a monkey. That's right... It's made with monkey poop. We apologize if you just spit your coffee out all over yourself as you read that. We're laughing, but we apologize. The coffee is called, Kopi Luwak. Be on the lookout if your local Starbucks decides to sell it. "Ummm... yes...I'll have the Monkey Poo mocha latte, skinny, grande, double lid please." "Would you like to add a side of fur with that?" "No thank you. This drink is gross enough as it is, and try to spell my name right this time. It's Thom with an 'H'." "Gotcha. Tom with an H. Weird. H-O-M. Tom. Is the 'T' silent? Are you foreign or something?" "Yes. Yes. That's it. I'm foreign or something." Anyway... Happy Saturday!
1. This Needs To Be See Through
BrainRants: The title of this one says it all.
Omawarisan: But if they can’t see through it, they’ll just stay quiet all the time.
Ned: Weird. That’s exactly what my
wine vodka coffee mug says at work…
2. How About Frosted Flakes? Do You Like Them?
BrainRants: How the hell did you guys get a picture of my coffee mug?
Omawarisan: I don’t like mourning, people. I don’t like mourning people.
Ned: I’m actually one of those cheerful morning people. So yeah, I don’t like your stupid mug.
3. At Least You Didn’t Sing It
BrainRants: Yes, it does. Thank God.
Omawarisan: Does this mug belong to the coffee pooping monkey? If there is a specific monkey that poops this coffee I’m going to buy it. Once I do that, I will buy another monkey so I can become the exclusive distributor of coffee simians.
Ned: Now that you brought it up, sometimes when I poop it sounds like an espresso machine.
4. Well, That’s Good, Because It’s Not The Smallest Ever!
BrainRants: Actually, I’m not.
Omawarisan: Well I haven’t had any coffee yet and I think you’re kind of a shitbird for shooting your mouth off like that.
Ned: A recent study showed a 25 perecent decrease in prison violence when these cups were given to inmates.
5. Some Of Us Prefer That Actually
BrainRants: I’ll grudgingly wear pants, but I draw the line at a bra.
Omawarisan: Some of the best things in life are (pants) free.
Ned: In stark contrast to the first study, sexual assault actually increased by 25% when inmates were given this coffee mug.
6. And I Love You After Coffee Too
BrainRants: Beats the shit out of, “I love you long time, GI!”
Omawarisan: No, Coffee loves me way more than you do.
Ned: It night be time to try a different brand. Or spouse.
MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:
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