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Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

Corroborating with statistics that show Millennials are living at home in their parents’ basements longer than previous generations, a new study released by researchers at Cornell University found that a startling 89% of Millennials plan on staying at the Thanksgiving kids’ table for as long as possible. “Whether the constituents of the kids’ table were a few years their junior or even a decade younger, our study found that an overwhelming majority of Millennials prefer the company of irritating brats rather than their older, judgmental, and financially-secure relatives,” the report stated.

We reached out to Josh Castaneda, a 25-year-old with a Bachelor of Arts in Plant Psychology, who’s currently employed as a Team Lead at Hollister. When Long Awkward Pause asked if Castaneda would be sitting at the kids’ table at Thanksgiving this year, he laughed. “Definitely. I’ll be sitting with my cousins. One’s 13, another one is 11, and the youngest one just turned seven.” It was clear Castaneda had no qualms about fitting in with the youngsters, but why not sit with the adults at the place setting he’s earned at the main table? “The adults are always asking so many questions, ‘When are you going to get a job using your degree? Where do you see yourself in five years? Are you ever going to move out? Why did you block me on Facebook?’ It’s awkward. I’d rather listen to my cousin Mackenzie talk about Taylor Swift than be asked serious questions about my future.” Josh Castaneda isn’t an anomaly.

Of the 89% of Millennials said to be spending Thanksgiving dinner at the kids’ table, 25% of those cited social media as a reason they’re avoiding the older adults. Morgan Nichols (21) told LAP exclusively, “I’m not sitting with the old people because they don’t know I have an Instagram, and I’d like to keep it that way. I get a lot of followers from my twerking videos, and I don’t want to give that up. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to explain the Kermit the Frog meme to my 40-year-old cousins. Instead of listening, they just remind me that I used to watch Sesame Street when I was a little.” For Corey Schroeder, he’s less worried about social media and more concerned about the dangers of dating apps. “I saw my Aunt Karen on Tinder a few weeks ago… I’m not sure how Uncle Chuck would feel about me swiping left.”

It might be cramped and the conversations about which One Direction member is the cutest may be polarizing, but it’s clear Millennials feel more comfortable around their younger family members than the elder Baby Boomers. Dr. Lois Weber, a sociologist specializing in emerging adulthood, clarified, “What it boils down to is this: on Thanksgiving Millennials want to partake in the carb-loading escapism as much as anyone, but that’s complicated by the fact that the Baby Boomers in their family want to understand what they mean when they say they’re ‘expanding their online presence’ or ‘cultivating their personal brand.’ Millennials would rather wow the younger crowd with their cootie catcher folding skills, and this is a trend we predicted several years ago.”

Curious to see how long this could last, we asked our Millennials at what age they think they’ll finally leave the kids’ table behind. Castaneda’s outlook was grim. “Probably not until I’ve paid off all my student loans… so maybe by 75?” “I think I’ll sit at the adult table at age 30,” Nichols informed us, “My life will pretty much be over by then anyway.”


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About Katie (16 Articles)
Katie Hoffman is a writer living in the suburbs of Chicago. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @bykatiehoffman.

17 Comments on Report: Millennials Staying at the Kids’ Table Longer

  1. Maybe they’re scared of the old-timers who just gum some turkey and mumble, “I built this goddamn table myself…”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I always found the adults in my life surprisingly non-boring and very open minded, so I left the kids table when I was 10.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I couldn’t wait to leave the kids table. My older relatives teach me a lot about how to handle life as an adult. I’d rather learn and act like an adult than a huge child. The world isn’t going to wait for you, so grow up

    Liked by 1 person

  4. They have to stay at the Kids Table until at least age 26 so they can stay on Mom and dad’s ObamaCare policy. Hopwfully we will gradually extend the age to 64.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Aw being held accountable for not making the jump to adulthood sucks doesn’t it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We cousins stayed at the kids table ’cause we could be crass, tell dirty jokes, and giggle during the prayer. Now that I’m 40-something, I just do that at the table with my kids.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Reblogged this on pelicanfreak and commented:
    These people make good points – I’m going back to the kids’ table.

    Like

  8. This made me grateful that I don’t have a basement. The only thing about the kid’s table is you always had to sit in those uncomfortable folding chairs.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well, there’s always another answer, such as, “I’m considering getting another college degree in child care.” 🙂

    Like

  10. The kids’ table always had more candied yams and cranberry sauce than the adults’ table, so whe I became a parent I put all the stuff I don’t like at the kids’ table. Don’t judge me; my kids will be leaving home much quicker than any of today’s Millennials thanks to me.

    Like

  11. I was forced to sit at the adult table and I was bitter about it.

    Like

  12. It’s never too late to join the adult table at 30, but I would avoid the infamous questions about “what I am doing these days”, do I work?, what does your husband do?, “Sooo… he is overseas working and you are okay with that?” It must be tough? (with a sympathetic/pathetic look) and I say NOPE! AND All my answers seem to disappoint them and why do I need to answer their questions, so they can then judge me and feel better about what their children are doing now and what I am not doing. Why is that the adult table tends to have a negative vibe? Because nosey relatives that do not otherwise bother to get to know you on a regular basis, then want to weigh in on your life and your choices. If you don’t care to learn at other times that are not gathered around a table followed with tradition and a holiday of some sorts, don’t make it a tradition to wager in on “the tunnel vision” you see as my current life. If you wouldn’t talk to me everyday, don’t talk to me because I’m sitting at what is the adult table and yet treat me like a child. If asked why I am sitting at the kiddie table, by those adults, I will respond with. “So you can just treat me like a child at that table?” I like the topics over here and guess what our words are nicer and games are normally involving making fun of you! Like the taste of your own medicine? Now if you don’t mind, I’m about to take a selfie with my mega piled plate!!! HAPPY TURKEY DAY Ya’LL!!! (As we say in North Carolina, to my north west relatives)

    I’ve got my own voice and opinions, because they are not like yours does not make them wrong and its not your position to decide them. You could never have walked a mile in my 29 years young shoes,heels and combat boots, so scoot your boot! (:then whisper:Your making a scene…)

    Like

  13. Reblogged this on CoCoMosaic's Blog and commented:
    It’s not just the millennials it’s for those that have chosen to avoid the usual family drama!!!

    Like

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