Latest And Greatest

The Saturday Six: Epic Pumpkin Carving Skills

saturday 6 

 This whole month we have been talking about pumpkins. Some of us…hate them. Some of us…mildly tolerate them.

One of us is excited for Christmas already.

While most of the country is busy bitching about Pumpkin Spice and the other Spice Girls, and carving the traditional square, square, triangle, half moon with teeth into their jack ‘o lantern, we at The Pause are busy searching for the best of the best in Pumpkin Mannequins.

What is a Pumpkin Mannequin?

Well, it’s something we made up to describe the joining of one or more gourds into an artful, yet hilarious Pumpkin displays. Displays that fuel the imagination onto rivers of pumpkin seeds and stringy guts. Displays that make you look at your own pathetically carved creation and set it on fire.

Anyway…

Happy Saturday!


1. The Couple That Flashes Together…

 pumpkin1

BrainRants: Yes, everyone has weird neighbors.  Alternate: “Oh, hey there, Snooki!”

Omawarisan:  Yes, “Oh hey there Snooki” was his alternate. Where do I go from there? To picture 2.

List of X: This is how I always picture random strangers who try to give out candy to little kids.

2. Oh, My Aching Rind!

pumpkin2

BrainRants: Gas is the least of your concerns considering your head’s twisted backward.

Omawarisan: You’re going to need bigger hands to get all that covered.

List of X: “We’ll still need to run some tests, but my preliminary diagnosis is that you’re a pumpkin.”

3. It’s A Baby Gourd!

pumpkin3

BrainRants: “Why doesn’t that baby look like me?!”

Omawarisan: “You’re never gonna come near me with your stem again!”

List of X:  “So for the birth certificate, I’ll need the father’s first name… Jack? Thank you, and the last name?…  O’Lantern? Great.”

4. Slight Disadvantage Due To Arm Length

 pumpkin4

 List of X: In Soviet Russia, the pumpkin carve you!

BrainRants: Like a T-Rex, there are other things this poor guy can’t do.

Omawarisan: Dude! Invisalign, please!

5. Pumpkin Dumbo

 pumpkin5

BrainRants: According to some pundits, what we’ll see a lot of after the upcoming mid-term elections…

Omawarisan: I’ve never known why elephants are afraid of mice. I’d be afraid of leopards. Pumpkin leopards.

6. A Headache Advil Will Not Cure

 pumpkin6

BrainRants: Extra points for the Disturbed face. A suggested title would be, “Pyrrhic Victory.”

Omawarisan: Ughhhh…that pumpkin just vomited an old man in Toughskins. Yeah, I just went Toughskins on you. You know you remember. Some of you. A few of you. A few of you reading this from an assisted living facility.

List of X: I don’t have a funny comment for this, because a pumpkin got my tongue.

————————–

MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:

Facebook: Long Awkward Pause

Twitter: @LongAwkPause

Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag

Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic

Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

Advertisements
About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
Producer for: https://overthelineshow.wordpress.com. Voice over actor, podcaster, writer on various web sites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

25 Comments on The Saturday Six: Epic Pumpkin Carving Skills

  1. Because pumpkins.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. FYI I am eating pumpkin spice pudding as I read this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Awesome pumpkin elephant.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Those dang medical gowns don’t even cover a pumpkin’s crack.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Just imagine the pain that pumpkin had giving birth to something with a stem

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Our kids… like said pumpkins… are kind of connected to a beautiful… life giving vine…

    the placenta.

    Their stems being the terrifying left over piece of dried up umbilical cord that all mamas pray will fall off quickly!!

    Only we can eat our “vine” (free super human nutrients y’all! 😉 ) after it’s… oh so wonderfully… ripped from our bodies!!!

    Yes… us mamas give birth twice…

    in one round!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ll never look at a pumpkin the same way. Now I am afraid of them!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. That DOES look like Snooki

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: