This whole month we have been talking about pumpkins. Some of us…hate them. Some of us…mildly tolerate them.
One of us is excited for Christmas already.
While most of the country is busy bitching about Pumpkin Spice and the other Spice Girls, and carving the traditional square, square, triangle, half moon with teeth into their jack ‘o lantern, we at The Pause are busy searching for the best of the best in Pumpkin Mannequins.
What is a Pumpkin Mannequin?
Well, it’s something we made up to describe the joining of one or more gourds into an artful, yet hilarious Pumpkin displays. Displays that fuel the imagination onto rivers of pumpkin seeds and stringy guts. Displays that make you look at your own pathetically carved creation and set it on fire.
1. The Couple That Flashes Together…
BrainRants: Yes, everyone has weird neighbors. Alternate: “Oh, hey there, Snooki!”
Omawarisan: Yes, “Oh hey there Snooki” was his alternate. Where do I go from there? To picture 2.
List of X: This is how I always picture random strangers who try to give out candy to little kids.
2. Oh, My Aching Rind!
BrainRants: Gas is the least of your concerns considering your head’s twisted backward.
Omawarisan: You’re going to need bigger hands to get all that covered.
List of X: “We’ll still need to run some tests, but my preliminary diagnosis is that you’re a pumpkin.”
3. It’s A Baby Gourd!
BrainRants: “Why doesn’t that baby look like me?!”
Omawarisan: “You’re never gonna come near me with your stem again!”
List of X: “So for the birth certificate, I’ll need the father’s first name… Jack? Thank you, and the last name?… O’Lantern? Great.”
4. Slight Disadvantage Due To Arm Length
List of X: In Soviet Russia, the pumpkin carve you!
BrainRants: Like a T-Rex, there are other things this poor guy can’t do.
Omawarisan: Dude! Invisalign, please!
5. Pumpkin Dumbo
BrainRants: According to some pundits, what we’ll see a lot of after the upcoming mid-term elections…
Omawarisan: I’ve never known why elephants are afraid of mice. I’d be afraid of leopards. Pumpkin leopards.
6. A Headache Advil Will Not Cure
BrainRants: Extra points for the Disturbed face. A suggested title would be, “Pyrrhic Victory.”
Omawarisan: Ughhhh…that pumpkin just vomited an old man in Toughskins. Yeah, I just went Toughskins on you. You know you remember. Some of you. A few of you. A few of you reading this from an assisted living facility.
List of X: I don’t have a funny comment for this, because a pumpkin got my tongue.
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