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In Defense Of Pumpkin Season

As the Fall season is upon us once again, I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Pumpkin and get his take on the new brewing trend of hating on his kind.

Pumpkin: It’s an honor to be here. I’m a big fan of Longawkwardpause.com. Although I was hoping it would be someone else doing the interview and not you. Like….I really like Katie, or Rants, Jack….really just about anyone else.

Me: Thanks. That attitude is probably one of the reasons people are starting to turn on you.

Pumpkin: My cousin just turned. Oh man, was he ripe! Haha! Just recently carved too. Some sort of toothless face. So young to go. Sorry…Pumpkin humor isn’t for everyone.

Me: Yeah…you might want to squash it…Haha!

Pumpkin: Hey! Is that some sort of Pumpkin hate crime humor?!

Me: What? No!

Pumpkin: It wasn’t funny.

Me: Ok…moving on…It seems over the last couple of years when Pumpkin season comes around, the general public is either loving you or hating you. More so towards the later. Have you, the Pumpkin community noticed this? And what do you attribute to this growing trend?

Pumpkin: First of all, I just want to say you’re stupid.

Me: Right. Of course. I expected that comment.

Pumpkin: Secondly, yes….we have noticed the hatred of Pumpkins has grown over the years. No one understands it. I mean…we only pop up for a brief time out of the year. Does chocolate get this bad of rap during Easter? No. Not at all! Everyone loves Easter chocolate. We blame Facebook and Twitter and that damn Game of Thrones meme.

Exhibit #1

Exhibit #1

Does Peppermint get this flack during Christmas? No! Everyone loves Peppermint! I hate Peppermint personally.

Peppermint: Everyone loves Peppermint!
Pumpkin: Hey! How did he get in here?

Me: I invited him. I know you and Peppermint have a long standing rivalry.
Peppermint: Yeah we do! It’s because everyone loves me, and only old people love Pumpkin. Like 70 year olds. With no teeth. And bad bowels.

Pumpkin: That’s not true! Kids love us too!

Peppermint: They love to stick a knife in you and carve you. They like to throw you. They like to stick you on headless horsemen.

Pumpkin: That’s not all! Listen! I taste great in coffee…

Peppermint: Me too!

Pumpkin:…pies…

Peppermint: Me too!

Pumpkin:…breads…

Peppermint:….

Pumpkin: Ah ha!

Peppermint: Zucchini bread is better.

Zucchini: Yeah it is!

Pumpkin: Look. Bottom line. In order to grow us properly, we need to be planted in late May to early July. This gives us a small window to be our best. We are only around for a very short time. Unlike Peppermint over there, that you get anytime of the year.

Peppermint: That’s right! Because Peppermint is so fine and sexy!

Pumpkin: Shut up! What don’t you add more stripes to your ass! It’s such a good look, you big jerk!

Me: Gentlemen! We are here to discuss the recent trend in Pumpkin disdain. Enough of the name calling.

Peppermint: Sorry.

Pumpkin: I’m sorry too…that Peppermint is so lame and the general public is too stupid to realize that. It’s not Peppermint you love! It’s the fact that there are Christmas presents to be had.

Peppermint: That’s right homey! My season is bad ass! And yours is full of little kids in cheap plastic Iron Man masks, and rubber spiders, and scary serial killers.

Pumpkin: Shut up! You can kiss my big fat gourd.

Peppermint: Such language! I wouldn’t expect it from such an orange-dented-and-dirty-on-one-side thing!

Me: OK! Let’s wrap this up. It’s getting ugly. Bottom line is….yes…pumpkin season is…well…seasonal. And we should probably enjoy it more.

Peppermint: Ever tried Pumpkin gum? Don’t. It’s disgusting.

Turkey: Gobble, gobble, gobble. Don’t forget about me! Thanksgiving is just around the corner!

Pumpkin: I hate you all.

 

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
Producer for: https://overthelineshow.wordpress.com. Voice over actor, podcaster, writer on various web sites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

27 Comments on In Defense Of Pumpkin Season

  1. I’m a little surprised cranberry and candy corn didn’t crash this party. Great interview — glad you survived it. 🙂

    Like

  2. Despite Pumpkin’s diva attitude, I’m still in love ❤ Hopefully Pumpkin and Peppermint will read this and realize that it's unbecoming of a holiday treat to act in such an undignified manner. You don't see Ham coming up in here trying to brag and bully. Tsk Tsk…

    Like

  3. A good fat dose of weird on a Monday lol! Cannot stop smiling

    Like

  4. I just finished a piece of pumpkin spice bundt cake. Yes it was delicious. I didn’t realize peppermint was so sassy!

    Like

  5. Personally I think peppermint is just jealous that it doesn’t have such an instantly recognisable shape as pumpkin. Sure peppermint is represented by striped canes at Christmas, but that isn’t the actual shape of peppermint is it? It’s the shape of canes. I think we should have more sympathy towards peppermint and its obvious feelings of inadequacy that it is trying to disguise with clever bravado talk.

    Like

  6. I love both says the peacekeeper..lol They both need a good spanking though..

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think pumpkins might be more celebrated if they weren’t full of snot and seeds. Just an observation…

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  8. taraleigh90 // October 22, 2014 at 10:08 am //

    Pumpkin needs to stay the hell away from lattes.

    Like

  9. Pumpkin is making a splash in raviolis. I tried it today. Not too bad. There’s hope for pumpkin yet!

    Like

  10. Haha, love this! 🙂

    Like

  11. I am with pumpkin on this one, vertical stripes are not slimming!

    Liked by 1 person

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