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I’ve Been Meaning To Talk To You About Him…

He’s leaving. He’s taking your money with him when he does…again. How do you not see this coming?

He’s back.

All of us, your friends, knew he’d show up. We all remember how crushed you were when he left; when was that – last year? Yeah, and the year before.

Look, it’s nice to see you smile. It’s what that smile costs that I have a problem with. You don’t want to hear it and I feel mean saying it, but he’s already looking at the door. What’s it been, a month? No, I know you think it’s going to be different this time.

Pumpkin. He’s using you, girlfriend. We all know it. (image via

You thought he’d change last year. Where’d we end up? Sitting in this coffee shop with you crying on my shoulder about being here without him, just like the year before. That’s why I asked to meet you back here.

I should have known that you’d be sitting with him when I walked in. Well, I’m sorry that he’s here, because I’m going to say what I came here to say. I don’t care that he’s sitting there.

No. You know what? I’m not sorry. If you’re going to call me when he’s leaves then I’m going to have to get a few things off my chest.

We’ve all gotten tired of your endless Facebook posts about him. Yes, you love him, we get it. He’s so awesome; yeah, got that too. You’re always together, nearly inseparable. Well, you know what? I’m hope you enjoy him while you’ve got him because he’s going to leave by the end of November.

No, he won’t? Seriously? Did you really just say that? Come on, am I really the only one who remembers that he left after Thanksgiving last year? Don’t look so surprised, that’s exactly what happened. It happened last year, the year before and it’s going to happen again this year.

Leave my friend alone, you filthy gourd. (image public domain)

Look, you’re a great friend. I feel like crap saying these things to you, but we all talked about it. What? Yes, we talked about you. We did it out of love and we decided that someone had to say something. I’m going to throw it out there and leave you to think about it. Pumpkin is going to leave. He’ll be gone, along with all the money you spent on him. He’ll be off to God-knows-where and he’ll be back next year when he’s broke.

You love him. Pumpkin doesn’t love you back. You’ve got to cut your losses; it’s just gonna get worse. I hate seeing him treating you like the flavor of the month when, let’s face it, he is. Look at him! He can’t deny it. Pumpkin can’t even look you in the eye.

It’s pretty clear that you’re going to stay in there and try to make it work again, aren’t you? Alright. Well, please forgive me for being harsh. I was speaking from the heart and maybe I got carried away. It’s just that you’re a great friend and I hate what I think I see coming, I was hoping to stop it.

You’ve got my number. Call me when you need me. I’ve done what I could.





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About omawarisan (25 Articles)
Most who read my blog don't know me from the man in the moon. But they seem nice and I am, in fact, The Man In The Moon.

34 Comments on I’ve Been Meaning To Talk To You About Him…

  1. It’s just that…. Pumpkin makes me FEEL things. I know he’ll only be around temporarily but the pain is worth it.


  2. Pumpkin is only delicious in pie or muffins not coffee. Eat your pie on the plate with a mug of coffee to the right. (In case you weren’t sure of positions).


  3. Love, love, love this post even though I can’t stand pumpkin flavored anything. Thanks for making me laugh on this dreary Monday morning in northern Wisconsin….


  4. #Whitegirlproblems but I love Starbucks pumpkin spiced lattes haha!


  5. Let’s not forget pumpkin’s less-known brother: Shamrock Shake.


  6. Reblogged this on Blurt and commented:

    My campaign against Pumpkin continues over at Long Awkward Pause…


  7. Blond Stranger // September 29, 2014 at 10:35 am //

    Oh…love…it’s a fleeting affair…but “if it doesn’t work out there’ll never be any doubt…that the pleasure was worth all the pain”. Come to the pumpkiny side my brother…it’s warm and spicy here!


    • Ha, ha. Nope, not even for you – and I’ve drunk some really vile stuff with you.

      Actually, now that I think about it, you got my son to eat an octopus. Why are you obsessed with making those around me consume bad stuff?


  8. Having and enjoying a pumpkin latte DOESN’T MEAN I’M GAY, DAMN IT!


  9. Well at least they can be carved.


  10. Pumpkin spice hater! I’m good with it being limited to a few weeks a year though honestly. I don’t need to have it year round. Peppermint mocha on the other hand should never leave and is easy to make at home with a little special somethin in it. Peppermint schnapps in hot chocolate..yes please…no coffee needed.


  11. Loved this and agree! Also there’s nothing worse than hearing some simpering mother call her offspring “Punkin!” Ugh. However I will tolerate “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” cuz I love rocks.


    • Rocks are fun, you can throw them, which is great. The Great Pumpkin wins because at no time does the pumpkin try to force people to eat him.

      That last part didn’t come out as I intended but I’m going with it.


  12. I was sipping a pumpkin flavored beer when I read your post . You might be right about pumpkin , after all .


  13. societycommentator // October 1, 2014 at 8:33 pm //

    Too funny! I’ll be sad when he’s gone, but I know he’ll be back next year. Besides, we’ll always have Paris!


  14. Am I the only person on the planet who thinks coffee should taste like coffee, and pumpkin should taste like pumpkin?


  15. The lovely, intricate design in the foam on that pumpkin latte shows why Fine Arts majors are favorite hires at Starbucks. My daughter, with her newly-minted BA in Social Work, couldn’t get a job there.


  16. f’in gourds, pie and sad clowns. That’s what fall is all about. How is it I go for a sabbatical and you have a whole new home base?


  17. Reblogged this on newarray and commented:
    Been in this situation before. Sometimes I just want to slap my friend or spill her with water out of love because she’s really hard headed and it annoys me sometimes hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Beleaguered Servant // October 6, 2014 at 6:51 am //

    Reblogged this on Their Own Manner of Devotion and commented:
    I’ve witnessed this sad situation personally, and it’s rough.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Poor pumpkin. Poor Peter. Poor Peter the Pumpkin Eater. And his wife.


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