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The Saturday Six: Crazy Pop Culture-Inspired Nail Art

 saturday 6

 Nailed it!

That’s right…we told a joke that your Great Uncle Herbert or your Dad might tell. It’s not beneath us.

We went for the cheap laughs.

We will do it again.

Hey!

No!

We do not  feel like we have had enough to drink yet…nor do we feel like we are ruining Little Johnny’s 6th birthday party!

Just so you know, we are not just about the bad jokes or falling drunk in the pool at kid’s birthday parties…

…actually we are.

Never mind all that,  here are some interesting nail facts to educate you:

1) Fingernails grow an average of 3.5 millimeters per month. 

-That’s slower than a killer Brown Bear’s nails but faster than Bear Grylls nails. He tends to bite them off and use them for shelter.

2) Nails are made out of the same stuff as hair.

-So if you are bald, just save a bunch of your nail clippings and paste them to your head.

3) Nails grow faster in the summer than in the winter.

– That’s because nails like Beach Boy music and hate Coldplay.

4) Your nails need blood to survive.

– That’s because they are mini vampires. Ten mini vampires that try to attack you in your sleep unbeknownst to you. Pleasant dreams!

5) Stress can take a toll on your nails.

– You should take care of the stress levels that your nails experience. That’s why people bite them and why your nails develop a severe Frozen Margarita problem.

Some of that is true and some of that is semi-true.

Anyway…

Happy Saturday!


1. Edward Scissornails

nails1

BrainRants: I approve of this because Edward Scissorhands is creepy, and creepy shit is awesome.

Omawarisan: How do you use toilet paper if you’ve got Edward Scissornails?

Jack: It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye – because you went to brush your hair out of your face and you have 9 minature scissors on your fingertips.

Ned: Edward Scissorhands or not, it seems to me these nails would make it hard to trim your bush.

2. 8 Bit Nail

nail2

BrainRants: This would be certain to drive me batshit because I’d try to Tetris the nails and my fingers don’t normally bend sideways.  Yet.

Omawarisan: How many fingers do you have to lose before the little guy comes out and does that Russian dance?

Jack: Come on! I need a pinkie nail and all that keeps dropping are ring fingers! DAMNIT!

Ned: If any of those configurations come up when I start my Windows program, I generally grab my baseball bat.

3. Ba-dum, Ba-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum….

nail3

BrainRants: The shark – appropriately – also can double as a package opener, weapon, or coke spoon.  So I’m told.

Omawarisan: You’re going to need a bigger hand.

Ned: Just when you thought it was safe to pick your nose…

4. Little Mernail

 nail4

BrainRants:  No.  This is a combination of parasitic blue sparklefish and decapitated woman… or ‘Hey, my thumbnail has a bowtie, and sushi!’

Omawarisan: Ah, The Little Mermaid. Speaking of movies I didn’t see, this reminds me of that movie where they gave that dolphin a prosthetic tail. Didn’t see that one either. It was too unrealistic. No way a dolphin meets the deductible on a prosthesis.

Ned: It looks like the shark nail got here first.

5. How Am I Going To Get My Ring On? Get it? Ring?

nail5

BrainRants: See comment above re.: Edward Scissorhands… CTRL-C, CTRL-V.

Omawarisan: See comment above re: didn’t see it.

Jack: seven days….

Ned: At least it’s on The Ring finger. Next week: Lord of the Rings finger.

6. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of The Nail

nail6

BrainRants: Uhm… could also be a vagrant at twilight with his pet snake, or possibly a hipster boasting about the epic turd he just backed out.

 Omawarisan: I know that they were going for a fire kind of look, but all I see is candy corn.

Jack: I hate it when my thumbnail has 5 o’clock shadow.

Ned: Say what you want, Brain Rants, but it takes a steady hand to paint a pubic hair. Uh, I imagine.

—–

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

23 Comments on The Saturday Six: Crazy Pop Culture-Inspired Nail Art

  1. I’ll try, too…
    1) A manicure you give to your kid to stop him from picking his nose.
    2) If you make a fist, all your fingers will disappear.
    3) In Soviet Cuba, the nail bite you.
    4) This is what happens if you let an amateur do your Little Mermaid manicure.
    5) You have seven days until your next manicure appointment.
    6) The manicurist couldn’t get the rights to Indiana Jones’ facial features.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. nudgeandwink // August 30, 2014 at 10:13 am //

    Reblogged this on The Nudge Wink Report and commented:
    This week on NWR, we bring you The Saturday Six from Long Awkward Pause. Blogdramedy is unavailable for posting this week as she is undercover as a patient with occipital neuralgia and finding out all there is to know about acupuncture and whether a needle in her foot will take away the pain in her neck. The staff at NWR all volunteered to be HER pain in the neck but she graciously declined.

    Check out The Nudge Wink Report and see if LAP nailed it. *wink wink*

    Like

  3. If it wasn’t for LAP, this week on NWR would be a total blank space. Thanks guys for helping Blogdramedy keep her job as a Field Reporter!

    Also, excellent post. You nailed it. *wink winK*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You guys definitely nailed it! I did see the flipper movie. I actually saw it and cried. Just kidding.These nails are wild.

    Like

  5. I just have to say, crazy as the designs were, the actual paint work SUCKED on most of them! If you’re going to go nutty with design make sure it rocks. Jeez

    Like

  6. They are all totally awesome, my favourite would be Edward Scissornails but I would only look wouldn’t wear because well you know why.

    Like

  7. The company I work for produces a website called dailynails.com. You should see some of the crazy sh*t on there.

    Like

  8. Please follow up: How does one wipe their delicate bits after using the restroom?

    Like

  9. You nailed this one.

    Like

  10. My Great Uncle Herbert never told jokes, but he DID routinely get the Little Mernail manicure. (cue “Tommy” music with Uncle Ernie – Fiddle About)

    Like

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