From that first time peeing on the pregnancy test stick to the final pushing of life from the nether regions of your spouse/girlfriend/baby momma, pregnancy is a joyous and hard celebration of our continuing existence of the human race.
Much like other milestones in life, pregnancy has it’s traditional rituals. There is the buying the ‘What To Expect When Expecting’ Book, picking out names, shopping for the crib, crying, stroller testing, painting of the room, and of course, taking pictures of the oh-so-sexy-and-cute preggers belly.
Maybe not so sexy and cute for the woman who has to lug the newly formed bowling ball now growing inside her stomach, but at some point in time, some one, some where, had decided it was a good idea to take “before” pictures.
Probably a greedy photographer during a slow time between wedding and school picture season.
You never really show the pictures to your kids though:
“Look son, this is you inside your Mother’s belly. You were so much more quiet then. At first we thought your Mother ate too much cheese, but nope…we would later find out it was you! That’s why we named you Provolone.”
With the competition on the internet so gosh darn…competitive, couples are looking for ways to take some of the mundane out of these traditional practices and come up with something a little more creative.
Once again, sometimes this is not a good idea…
1. The Circle Of Life?
Ned: She’s not pregnant; that’s just where the other turkey is.
Jack: This Thanksgiving, everyone will be stuffed!
Omawarisan: If he’d have just choked his turkey a few months ago…
Chris: This guy doesn’t understand the term: ‘Bun in the oven.’
2. It’s Like From A Bad Spy Movie In The 70’s
Ned: There are so many things wrong with this. Maternity negligee. A 30-year-old woman wearing grade schooler underwear… and how, at first glance, I though the thing behind her was an aerial view of her bottom, with a pimple on the left cheek.
Jack: Monica Lewinsky called, she wants her haircut back.
Omawarisan: Austin Powers III: Fembots In Trouble
3. Don’t You Ever Make Fun Of Her Stretch Marks!
Ned: The birth announcement read: “See? I don’t shoot no blanks.”
Jack: Nice Dockers you got there, Rambo.
Omawarisan: The Hostage Of Love
Chris: Jack Bauer, The Much Later Years
4. She Is Riding That Horse For Two
Ned: A rare photo of Bilbo Baggins’ mother taken in The Shire before his birth.
Jack: So that’s where centaurs come from!
Omawarisan: Apparently the horse isn’t the only one who went barebacked.
5. Now You Know Where Masked Wrestlers Come From
Ned: The Nelson family (from left): Half Nelson, Full Nelson and Near-Fall Nelson.
Jack: ¿Hueles la roca ha estado cocinando? Es un bebé.
Omawarisan: “Your mother came off the top rope, if you know what I’m sayin’ ”
Chris: I bet it’s real friggin’ hard to eat Fruit Loops through a mask!
Ned: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never consume alcohol while pregnant.
Jack: I hope they named the baby Rudy.
Omawarisan: I spend all that time dismissing the “war on Christmas” crowd, and then this happens.
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