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Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

Sometimes ironic, sometimes retro-chic, hipsters are the compass that points our culture toward cool.

The horn rimmed glasses and skinny jeans have almost become the uniform of the mainstream, wanna-be hipster. Anyone wearing these is usually a poseur to the Nth degree or a model in a J. Crew ad. To keep themselves one step ahead of what society holds in high regard, hipsters often look towards the past to determine what is ironically fashionable.

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This is how a hipster hitches a ride to Boston.

Today’s hipsters have traded in their iPods for old school cassette players. 52″ flat screen televisions are disdained in exchange for a 1972 Zenith Chromacolor. The Blu-Ray movies so sought after by others take a backseat to a thrift store-rescued VCR. The Wii? That’s been tossed aside for an Atari 2600. At a certain point, though, even these items become cool again to the mainstream. As a result, hipsters must find something else they can call cool, if only for a short while.

So, in an effort to throw off the shackles of the Starbucks-sipping, Taylor Swift-listening mainstream, today’s hipsters have had to reach even deeper into their backpack of tricks. And with 91% of Americans owning a cellphone, that technology was the natural choice to be rejected.

“I had a cellphone for years,” says urban hipster, Glen. “Now, even my dad’s boss has a cellphone and that guy’s a douchebag. If I kept my phone, I’d be just another douchebag. So, I traded my iOS for Morse.”

Across America, hipsters like Glen have taken to wearing portable telegraph machines. Long dead, the telegraph wires are once again alive with the dots and dashes of social media. While limited to whom one can communicate with, telegraphy is seeing its resurgence skyrocket alongside 8-tracks and Cosby sweaters.

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Hipster couple, Erica and Josef, have their own preferred method of communication: semaphore pantomime.

Roland, a handlebar mustached hipster from Berkeley who hates the word ‘hipster’ and asks we not used it, said, “If I have something to say about a band, I Morse it. If I know of a great party, I Morse it. If I want to ridicule how lame people are or just how I hate people who are lame, I Morse it.”

Roland, who Tweets under the handle @rolandwhtvrurlame, recently used his portable telegraph to review the anime film, Pretty Armor Ghost Chill:

– …. .. … / .. … / – …. . / -… . … – / — — …- .. . / -.– — ..- .—-. …- . / -. . …- . .-. / … . . -. .-.-.- / … – — .–. / .– .- – -.-. …. .. -.  –. / — .. -.-. …. .- . .-.. / -… .- -.– / ..-. .. .-.. — … / .- -. -.. / – …. .. -. -.- / ..-. — .-. / -.– — ..- .-. … . .-.. ..-. .-.-.- / .- -. .. — . / .. … / – …. . / — -. .-.. -.– / – .-. ..- . / .- .-. – / ..-. — .-. — .-.-.-

TRANSLATION: THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN. STOP WATCHING MICHAEL BAY FILMS AND THINK FOR YOURSELF. ANIME IS THE ONLY TRUE ART FORM.

In an email interview with notable hipster, Ian of Fort Collins, we wondered if there might be a day when we all trades in our smartphones for portable telegraphy. Whether because it harkened back to a simpler time or because it was more cost-effective than a smartphone, perhaps wearable telegraph machines were, in fact, the wave of the future. “I knew you would ask that,” Ian scoffed, before adding:

— -.– / – . .-.. . –. .-. .- .–. …. / .. … / – …. . / -… . … – / – …. .. -. –. / . …- . .-. .-.-.- / .. ..-. / -.– — ..- / …. .- …- . / — -. . –..– / – …. . -. / .. – .—-. .-.. .-.. / -… . / .-.. .- — . / .- -. -.. / .. / .– .. .-.. .-.. / …. .- …- . / – — / –. . – / .- / …. — — .. -. –. / .–. .. –. . — -. .-.-.- / -.. .. -.-. -.- .-.-.-

TRANSLATION: MY TELEGRAPH IS THE BEST THING EVER. IF YOU HAVE ONE, THEN IT’LL BE LAME AND I WILL HAVE TO GET A HOMING PIGEON. DICK.

For the rest of us, we are fortunate to have online translators to help us understand what the coolest among us have to say.

 

 

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About calahan (6 Articles)
A writer who is living the dream. It's unclear whose dream it is, though. Stay tuned.

43 Comments on Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

  1. – …. .. … / .. … / .- / .-.. — – / — ..-. / ..-. ..- -. .-.-.-
    — …. — / … .– . . – / — …. —

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  2. Reblogged this on B.L.O.G..

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  3. I say let them indulge themselves if and only if they promise not to wear skinny jeans

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    • The fact that Levi’s makes their own skinny jeans means it’s already too mainstream. Baggy pants are too hip-hop, though, so not sure where the hipsters will go next. Floods? Short pants and knee socks?

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  4. anitadesignstudio // July 10, 2014 at 2:01 pm //

    Can’t believe I’m spending my Thursday evening, after a hard day at the office, translating Morse code via an online old Morse code translator…Cool post!

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    • Ha. I’m glad you did it, though. Thanks for going the extra mile. 🙂

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    • By the way, the Morse didn’t work when it was reformatted into the post, so I included a translation to offset any annoyance.

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      • anitadesignstudio // July 10, 2014 at 3:23 pm //

        If YOU went to the bother of going the extra mile by including flippin’ Morse code in your post, then I was DEFINITELY going the extra mile by getting it translated!! Huh?? The online translator worked for me…I’ve just read the translations you’ve included and that’s exactly what I read on that online translator thingy *scratches head*…I’ll get pidge to drop off a screen print…

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  5. I’m naturally hip.
    I have two of them just above my bum.

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  6. Nobody other than babies look good in skinny jeans. Or short shorts with tall socks. Or skinny overalls.

    http://www.lisalisted.com

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  7. Have you changed your name to Calahan Post Author? If not start the trend, surnames based on occupations, like olden times (Smith, Cooper, Drunk).

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    • I did change my name to Calahan Post Author. Legally and everything. I was getting confused with Calahan Pre Author, so I went ahead and changed it. Thanks for catching that, Ross!

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  8. Thanks for the translation on the code there. I’d be so lost otherwise. It’s a lot of work to be hip, but someone got to do it! And they’re so smooth. Ha ha.

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  9. I bite at translation, thankfully I have a teenage boy who is good at such things. As for the VCR, we’ve never gotten rid of our two or three (not sure) for the simple reason I have all those Disney movies, that yes, we still watch.

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  10. I’m waiting for CBs to get hipstered…

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  11. I guess tapping during a movie or performance won’t be as distracting as talking on a phone. And it only has one volume. I probably can’t afford it anymore though.

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  12. Funny post. Well done. Roland, from Berkeley, Ian and Glen make my head hurt. But self-identity is a funny thing and sometimes, folks get caught up in a wave.

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