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An Open Letter to Anyone Wearing Foot Jewelry

lap edition 8

 

Dear anklet (ankle bracelet) and toe ring wearers,

On behalf of the world, I want to inform you that we’re all a little perplexed as to why you’d use accessories to accentuate what is arguably the least sexy part of the human body (unless you have a foot fetish or you like a big talus, and you cannot lie).

Before any of you start lobbing accusations that I’m woefully ignorant of the majesty that is an adjustable metal ring choking one of my toes, I must confess I was once one of you. During my desperate stage in junior high, I thought toe rings and anklets would compensate for my braces and inability to afford Aeropostale’s entire collection of track jackets. I delighted in visiting Claire’s (official accessories shop of desperate preteens) in the summertime to peruse the selection of toe rings and anklets. I owned anklets with charms and shells, and I even had one that fastened with string that I wore exactly once because fuck tying knots. I owned adjustable toe rings that accommodated both the little piggy that had roast beef and the little piggy that had none. I spent a few summers humiliating myself this way until one important afternoon, as the pointy edges my toe ring were digging into my under-toe flesh, I had an important epiphany:

This isn’t really that cute, and I look like a dipshit.

Since the dawn of that realization, I’ve tried to understand why for some people the anklet/toe ring isn’t merely an embarrassing middle school stage, but a troubling way of life that survives through adulthood and surfaces during sandal weather.

Did you know that toe rings weren’t always used for highlighting your unfortunate case of hammer toe? Were you aware that an anklet’s sole purpose isn’t to call attention to that awful tribal tattoo you’ll have lasered off someday? These unfortunate adornments actually have cultural significance that have been ignored in our vain attempts at making fashionable feet happen. For centuries, anklets and toe rings have been worn by women and girls in India. In many Indian cultures, toe rings are part of the wedding ceremony and are a symbol of marriage! …So, all you ladies wearing toe rings on first dates, does that clarify why Dhiraj never texted you back?

Thanks to Beyoncé, too many people are under the impression that putting a ring on something automatically makes it better, but that isn’t the case with your toesies. Anklets and toe rings are universally ridiculous.

toe ring 2

diamond ankle bracelet-louboutin

Jewelry that’s ordinarily worn on your fingers and wrists—areas of the body commonly seen when you go out for drinks, shake hands, or give someone the middle finger—does not have the same effect on the lowest part of your body that people actively avoid looking at unless you’re wearing cute shoes. It is not okay to put jewelry where sock fuzzies normally reside. What’s next, the ankle watch? He went to Jared… for the Pandora Anklet.

PANDORA

bulova

Foot jewelry wearers, you’re not fooling anyone. We all know you’re only wearing an anklet to get the satisfaction bracelets could never provide because they’re such a pain in the ass to put on when you’re alone. While we’re being honest, you toe ring people are probably wearing toe rings because your second toe is taller than your big toe, and you’d like everyone to believe you’re confident about it, but the truth is you’re deeply insecure about the fact your toe lengths aren’t descending like they should be.

Stop with the foot jewelry, already. It’s not stylish or flirty, and it certainly isn’t classing up the flip flops you bought at Old Navy.


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About Katie (16 Articles)
Katie Hoffman is a writer living in the suburbs of Chicago. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @bykatiehoffman.

86 Comments on An Open Letter to Anyone Wearing Foot Jewelry

  1. Also, squeezing your feet into those stilettos while wearing a toe ring does something weird to your toe cleavage.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My name is Anawnimiss and I’m an ankletoholic. I tried stopping but couldn’t go four days without using one. I think I might need help.

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    • What!? I promise, you can do this. Just… stop putting rings on your toes.

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      • I hate toe rings. It’s anklets I can’t live without.

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      • Well, in the hierarchy of foot jewelry, anklets > toe rings. I’m clearly an expert on these things.

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      • Hi Anawnimiss. Anklets are cool. In India you get anklets of various metals and designs which are used as fancy anklets. But there is a tradition where married women need to wear silver anklets with tinkling bells. It is believed that the sweet sound bring good luck to the house and it also gives peace and harmony.

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  3. I love it that this is a controversy.

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  4. French manicures for the toes are also unacceptable. Having nails long enough to justify painting the white bits whiter is surely too long. And when there’s a myriad of colours that look better on toes than they do fingers why do it?

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    • Okay, I love that this is semi-off topic, because I completely agree. You know what bothers me most about French manicures? Fraud. French manicure fraud. Because you KNOW the white space they’re painting on isn’t exactly the amount of white space growth on your nail. Does that make sense?

      It’s why I abstain from the French manicure now.

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      • Why would anyone want to make their toenails deceptively longer though? With toenails, surely the shorter the better? I’m all for a groomed foot, but there are lines need to be respected. That goes both for pedicures and foot jewellery.

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      • I don’t like the artificial ‘white tip’ either, usually when I get a manicure I’m thinking, “This looks funny.” I’d rather get an actual color on my nails now.

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      • Yeah, me too. I think the French manicure was the first “special” manicure I knew about, long before accent nails and colored tips and everything like that, and once I was exposed to the world beyond French manicures, I just didn’t like them as much anymore.

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  5. This only made me WANT to wear a toe ring. I literally never have before, and now I kind of need to. Lol

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  6. Like you, I had once fallen victim to the lure of the toe ring. It’s really only something you buy at a festival that takes place in a field or something. My friend and I got matching ones. She wised up after a month or so and stopped wearing it. I was not so smart. I wore mine for years and thought it was hella cool. Until one day, like you, I had the same epiphany: I looked like a dipshit. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize something isn’t cool anymore. I had the same issue with True Religion jeans.

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  7. I am fully informed on this controversial topic thanks to this post. I’ve never thought about foot jewelry one way or another, but it just seems incredibly impractical to wear rings on toes. I don’t even wear rings on fingers.

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    • Exactly! Why would you stick on ring on the part of your body you walk around on? Fingers, I can understand, although those two-finger rings can make typing challenging.

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      • I don’t understand two finger rings. They seem like they’d just get in the way of everything!

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      • I have a two finger ring, and I like the idea of it because I can pretend it’s like a cute version of brass knuckles, but it’s really not practical at all. It’s like your fingers are in a permanent two-finger race.

        (That seemed more clever in my head.)

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  8. Hm. I intentionally wear my toe ring on my second toe, which is just about the same length as my middle finger. In this way I am silently giving the finger to anyone who doesn’t like my anklet. Happy summer!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The covert toe ring middle finger is much more impressive than the regular middle finger. I like your innovation tactics.

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  9. I agree. I have fugly-ass feet that only amputation would improve the appearance of.

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  10. Wow, you sure showed me. I thought of just taking off my toe ring after reading this but I figure I better take off the whole foot since I’ll eventually want to laser off my ankle tattoo anyway. Thanks for being so enlightening and motivating me to stop being tacky. I hope members of the Indian culture you mentioned get a chance to read this, too, since it is “universally ridiculous.”

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    • I wish you the best of luck on your future foot amputation endeavors, then. That actually might be less painful and more cost effective than lasering away the ankle tattoo.

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  11. I’ve never worn a toe ring and don’t plan to anytime soon. That would probably drive me crazy. Barefoot should be just that, bare! I guess I need to say barefoot and naked.

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  12. I tried a toe ring a few times but couldn’t stand wearing it for more than ten minutes. So incredibly uncomfortable. Considering it took me years before I could even stand wearing one ring on my hands, and still can’t deal with bracelets (my wrists are too small and they slide around and bug the crap out of me), I can’t even think about toe rings. Anklets MIGHT be okay? But they kind of have the same thought process as bracelets for me…can’t deal with them. I’ll stick to earrings and necklaces.

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    • Anklets are fun. They stay in one place. Unlike the damn bracelets. Can’t stand bracelets!

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      • But what if you have to jump over something????

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      • Ladies hardly jump. Even if some one does, it will not hurt. Chances of the anklets coming under the feet while jumping is impossible, unless they are too big for the ankle. Even adjustable toe rings if properly paced on the fingers will retain its position. 90% of married ladies in India who are house wives wear anklets and toe rings, right from the time they are married till they die or their hubbies die..

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  13. *sheepishly takes off toe ring*

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  14. Toe rings are for gypsys, teen moms, and fat guys playing a dwarf during a rousing game of dungeons & dragons in thier moms basement. If YOU are currently wearing a toe ring, I would suggest you take it off your toe and place it around your neck. Don’t worry about how it looks, you’ll soon pass from such concerns. This woman is on a right track, and I thank her for pointing out your idiocy in an attempt to shame you away from it. To those naysayers who propose that the writer “Let people wear what they want”, I would say “Let her SAY what she wants” you double standard moron. I’ve HEARD of freedom of speech; never heard of freedom of toe rings jack asses.

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  15. OK I’ll agree the toe ring is kinda very uncomfortable…I’ve tried it…but the anklet I have to defend. On a well groomed, non-talon looking foot the anklet is sexy. I personally don’t have one but I may change that.

    Oh and to The General, are you disparaging gypsies? How dare you.

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    • He disparages everyone. And I didn’t think I was anti-foot, but maybe I am. I just can’t imagine finding anything “sexy” down there.

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  16. Seriously I have been wearing a gold toe ring for years. If this is the way you feel than why do people pierce there ears or belly buttons? Also jewelry is sometimes worn on more fingers than one. Does that make a person a gypsy ? I feel if a person wants to wear a toe ring or anklet its there choice. This subject is ridiculous and a waste of time and telling others what you choose to do. Opinions should be kept to yourself. I will wesr my toe ring till the day I die or whatever else I choose.

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    • Feel free to wear your toe ring. Wear ten if you want…on one toe! That would be cool! Thanks for stopping by and reading. You may not have enjoyed this comedic article but we have others that might interest you such as : An Open Letter To Tiara Wearers or An Open Letter To Jorts Manufacturers. We look forward to making you smile again.

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    • That does it. I think we should write Congress. Will you sign this petition to ban open letters about toe ring wearers?

      *hands over pen*

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    • I totally agree with Linda. Toe rings look good on ladies. It makes them look sexy and adds beauty to their personality. I am guy and I normally look at the feet of ladies. to see how many toe rings she wears and also if she is adoring her feet with anklet. Lind if you could send me a snap of your feet with may be 3 pairs of toe rings and anklets. No need that all toe rings should be of gold. U could wear any metal toe r
      ings and send me the snap… I would love to see them. You can share the same on my mail id admireroffeet@yahoo.com. Thanks in advance.

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  17. Aye in India… And anklets with those little tinkle bells? My elder cousins and their friends would wear them for weddings… and otherwise too sometimes. It had (has?) a kind of feminine air about it in this part at least. We’d be in awe of that sound as teenagers… 😛

    It won’t be so bad after all in some cases aye?

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    • I’m not into it, but that’s not going to stop anyone else from wearing it. I like toes and ankles to be completely nude.

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    • Yes captain. I do agree with your views. The sound of the ankles made by the tinkling bells really has a soothing effect on the ears. It very much has a feminine look. Now a days you see lot of college girls wearing fancy anklets as compared to 2 decades ago. I like to see girls and ladies wearing silver anklets and silver toe rings and with that dash of nail eamnel. What a sight to behold to look at those feet….

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  18. I work with a woman who’s well-laden with personal decorations, including a toe ring. I have no personal decorations at all, but that seems to be rare for chicks, so I’m in the minority already.

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  19. When I read your posts, I hear Kathy Griffin’s voice saying your words in my head and I’m slightly curious why that is. Thought I’d share.

    Also, I confess to owning a diamond anklet that I used to only wear when I got dressed up… And the night always ended with a ruined pair of pantyhose. Nothing but marital, hose-picking trouble.

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    • You ever notice that thing she does with her eye when she blinks? It’s like both eyes blink at different speeds. I couldn’t pass on an opportunity to share that observation.

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    • Now if it has diamonds, that’s a little different. Also, I must admit that the Kathy Griffin thing is probably the most devastating thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I need to rethink everything.

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      • Yes, she’s obnoxious. But she’s got to be the most secure woman on this planet. And her comedy is usually very Seinfeldean, observational. That seems to be your niche in writing.

        Don’t be devastated, I intended a positive connection. 🙂 If it makes you feel better, I keep reading your stuff because it continues to entertain me. I can only take so much of KG…

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  20. Little known toe-ring fact: The celebrity with the most toe rings is Jewel, who rocks an incredible 47 toe rings.

    The More You Know…

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  21. Wouldn’t a toe ring collect all kinds of toe cheese, lint and other shit?

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    • I mean, I would think so. But apparently people with beautiful feet don’t endure those struggles.

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      • I have to admit, and I’m not a foot fetishist, but there are some beautiful examples of feminine foothood out there. Then there are my nasty insults to humanity.

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    • No Not at all. You can clean your toes once in a fortnight. And u can also clean ur toe rings with the chemical available. If you are having silver toe rings and silver anklets, then there is a chemical where you need to dip the silver toe rings or anklets for an hour and then using an old toothe brush just need to brush it.. It looks as good as new and will add glitter to your feet, irrespective of their original state.

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  22. Toe rings look uncomfortable and I have ugly toes, so one will never grace mine.

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    • I just hate wearing anything on my feet (socks, shoes, etc.) so toe rings are out of the question.

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      • Hoi Katie.You may be uncomfortable since u wear socks and closed shoes. .But you have not realized that it is a part of the body that requires some care.. like long toe nails, with nail polish and matching it with colour of slippers/flip flops, and then to adore the feet with anklets and toe rings. It makes the lady look very attractive. And when the sound of the tinkling bells makes a sweet spund, the sound makes u feel very good. Don’t demotivate the girls/ladies who have liking for it. It’s there wish and their judgement to decide on what looks good for their feet..

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    • Hi Alwayssaredhead. You can go for plain toe rings which will not prick you. Go for just single ring rather going for 2 or lore layers which more or less looks like a spring. Wear two pairs, on 2nd and 3rd finger of each feet and see the difference. I am an Indian and here ladies whose feet are little ugly male up by sporting feet jeweler and.

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  23. hey there! i’m loving your recent posts!
    I also blogged about “An Open Letter to the Man Who Opened My Eyes To the World”. How can someone give the whole world to you and in a snap they’re gone?

    here’s what my recent post is all about…
    https://talkaboutbeauty.wordpress.com/2014/06/26/an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-opened-my-eyes-to-the-world/

    would be so nice to hear from you! 🙂

    cheers! xx

    deanna ( http://www.talkaboutbeauty.wordpress.com )

    Like

  24. Usquanigo // June 27, 2014 at 4:24 pm //

    So, then you must also be against anybody painting (or buffing) their toe nails, and also against wearing any sort of open toe shoe?

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  25. Hi Usqunigo.. I am totally in favor of girls/ ladies who pain their fingers and toe nails. There are some ladies who paint their nails with the color of their outfit and believe me they look gorgeous.. It adds glamour to their personality. If a lady is sporting toe rings and anklets it is advisable to wear flip flops as the feet jewelry is visible. It adds lot of glamor to the person..

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    • Usquanigo // July 8, 2014 at 12:10 pm //

      Hi PGL.

      I was addressing the letter/blog writer. Taking her stance to it’s full conclusion to point out it’s true nature.

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      • Sorry for the delay in responding, but taking your analogy “to its full conclusion” would mean that anyone who doesn’t like earrings must also not like cleaning their ears or shaving their ear hair. Showing your feet and/or getting a manicure is not the same thing as wearing a ring on your toe.

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      • Usquanigo // July 11, 2014 at 4:31 pm //

        No, you are incorrect.

        The argument you make is that you find feet ugly, or weird or even disgusting, therefore, attempting to pretty them up is even more weird/ugly/disgusting and should not be done. Particularly when it is done with the aim of showing them off. (which does make a difference). And that’s the rub – one could argue that a pedicure is just making the best of a bad situation, hygiene, all that, If, but only if, it’s kept under wraps – socks and enclosed shoes except in private. Also, one would still opt for no color and even no lacquer at all (ie, not even clear), if the purpose was hygiene and such.

        A large percentage of women’s shoes are open toe to show them off. From peep-toe to strappy heels and everything in between. Even on the most formal of occasions women’s dress shoes are, as often as not, meant to show off their feet. To put them on display. To call attention to them. (heck, many shoes even have sparkles or other features on them to catch the eye)

        This is no different than a ring or bracelet. It does it all – it pretties them up, but also calls attention to them so that they can be shown off. So, to have a problem with one and being logically consistent, one must have a problem with the other as well.

        But, you don’t. Which brings us to the the crux of the matter: You have some sort of issue with jewelry for the feet, so because YOU don’t like it, you want to try to rationalize it; make it sound more logical, and to talk everyone else into going along with you. That’s actually pretty poor behavior.

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      • It says at the beginning of the article “sted by Katie on June 23, 2014 in Humor”. Is it the humor part that you missed ?

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  26. In the subway today I saw someone with a toe ring. Wearing flip-flops. Old dirty plastic ones. With long toenails, hairy toes, and yellow nails (yep, their natural color, I guess :s). And it was a man. I never THOUGHT about people’s feet. But it was… just gross. I mean, I don’t care if people want to wear flip-flops in fall (here in Belgium it’s 14° and it’s raining…) or if they want to wear toe ring. But for god sake, wear it if your feet don’t look disgusting, because in that case the toe jewelry drag the attention on your horribly dirty feet… Ha, I guess I will never understand people… Or fashion, maybe ^^

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  27. Please read up scientific facts and reasons some people wear anklets and toe rings instead of generalizing about how it looks bad (to u and not on behalf of the whole world!) there are some very sound reasons if your broad minded enough!

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  28. Anklets and toe-rings have been worn by Indian women since time immemorial. They are one of the symbols of a married woman. They do look nice and more importantly, one had no choice. One had to wear them. But in today’s world where the woman very often has to wear closed shoes, the toe rings do hurt like crazy and thus have been abandoned.
    No harm done!
    Anklets are nice too. But not if you have to wear socks and closed shoes. The metal presses into your skin making life really difficult.
    But if it is being followed as a fashion statement, then there’s no stopping that. If it looks good and you like it on your person………just go ahead!
    The visuals are very pretty in this blog!

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  29. Seriously, the title alone had me in tears.

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  30. sandrafingerut // November 3, 2015 at 5:59 pm //

    I don’t understand why either, but as long as the feet are clean and they aren’t covered with fungus and different colored nails (none being a polish). I really don’t care all that much.

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  31. justsaying // April 9, 2016 at 6:19 am //

    I lovvve toe rings and anklets. I think they look cute. I have pretty toes and there’s nothing wrong making them cuter right?

    I think u should wear them if u lyk and don’t if u feel otherwise. people like different things. don’t say somethng bad and have other people feeling horrible about the things they like. if u don’t like somethng, ok. if u do, ok. I think there are a lot of things to talk about then what looks society sees as good on people and what it doesn’t.

    if them toe rings and anklets hurt u…tyk them off n shut d fuck up! if ppl with long toes put the rings 2 hide that, hw d fuck is dat ur fuckin problem? u said u looked lyk dipshit? Damn love, hw ugly can ur toes b? even jewelry dnt myk em look good.

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