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Introblurting:  Raising the ‘Socially Awkward’ Bar

Everybody please put your hands together in party-clap fashion for today’s guest poster, Rachelle from A Rich Full Life In Spite Of It, as she dances her way down the Soul Train line and takes her place in front of the podium and hot-mic.  *Feedback*  Be sure to check her site out HERE, where Rachelle gives her humorous take on parenting, women stuff, books, and life.  And check out her frizzy hair too.

Take it away, Rachelle.  *Feedback*

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caution

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, we’ve all experienced those painfully awkward moments when you say something with the best of intentions, but are immediately overwhelmed with regret after the foot enters the mouth.  Statistically, these moments probably occur less often for introverts than for extroverts, simply because introverts speak less.  But, when they do happen, they tend to be more horrifying for the introvert for the same reason.

These awkward and ill-timed outbursts are what I call introblurting.

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Definition:

in.tro.blurt  [v. in-truh-blurt] 

A combination of the words, introvert and blurt.

Uncontrollable verbal diarrhea that is intensified by social situations where one is forced to engage in conversation with strangers, acquaintances, or medical professionals, and oftentimes, while under the influence of alcohol.

Despite the hypothetical statistical advantage that introverts might have, I’ve managed to compile quite a few embarrassing introblurting stories.  I would advise anyone who leans toward socially awkward to use extreme caution when venturing into any of the following scenarios listed below.

Places Where Introblurting is Likely to Occur:

1.)  A Job Interview

There aren’t many scenarios that cause more anxiety than job interviews, and no amount of preparation makes that banal question portion of the meet and greet any easier. We’re all prepping from the same Google, so the bullshit canned answers usually come across as such. However, no matter how flat your carefully prepared answer may fall, experience dictates that introverts should never give unrehearsed answers to any questions asked of them.

After one particularly brutal interview, before I stood up to offer my final handshake, the interviewer closed by asking “Do you have any questions for me?” He seemed like he had a sense of humor, so I replied, “Yes, is there anything I could say to you right now that would convince you to give me a second interview?  Or, have you had enough awkward for one day?”

I did not get a call back.

awkwardcat

2.)  A Holiday Work Party

Everyone knows it’s a bad idea to get drunk at your significant other’s Christmas party.  However, common sense didn’t stop me from over-indulging when I attended my husband’s weekend long, holiday party booze-fest for the first time.

The company my husband works for is a small, entirely male engineering firm, and the annual Christmas party weekend begins with 18 holes for the guys only.  Wives and girlfriends show up for the festivities later in the evening.  It was a well-known fact that one of the partners did not believe women had any place on the golf course, and somewhere toward the end of the first night of power-drinking, I found myself standing at a bonfire next to some guy taking shots of tequila.  Sober, I wouldn’t have given two shits about the man’s golfing gender role ideologies.  However, my grandmother taught me how to play golf as a kid, and as the night wore on, it started to rub me the wrong way.

After enough tequila, I decided to ask him why he hated women, didn’t employ any, and was scared to golf with us. Mercifully, someone intervened and changed the subject before I drunk slurred about my grandma being able to out-drive him, or that he should probably shoot from the ladies tee the next day, but not soon enough to avoid implying that the man who signed my brand new boyfriend’s paychecks was a chauvinistic ass.

Luckily, the boss had a good sense of humor.  He still laughs at me about this ill-advised, drunken introblurt.  I still write on the internet about it…

3.)  The Doctor’s Office

I say some of the weirdest things in front of medical professionals.  There’s something about sitting in a paper gown in front of someone with way more education than me that makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.

At a recent “lady doctor” appointment, I was advised to get a baseline mammogram before Obamacare went into effect.  I’m 35, so I was a little surprised by the early recommendation. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why I said, “Ok, I’ll try to get one scheduled, but do you think they’ll be able get enough boob to squish in that machine?”

*Waves hands over chest*

*Slaps forehead with palm*

Vagina

4.)  Blog Comment Blurting

We’ve probably all left a comment or two out in the blogosphere that we wish we could edit, or better yet, delete entirely.  In two years of blogging, I’ve amassed more than I can count.  It’s too easy to pop off from behind a computer screen with comments that are long-winded or insulting – comments that hit a hot-button that you weren’t aware of, or comments that just generally make someone feel uncomfortable.

Some of the worst comment introblurts I have on my blogging resume include, but are not limited to:

–   “Oh yeah, I’m a total “like” whore…not to be confused with whore-like.”

–   “Oh, I just meant that was an interesting post. I’m not a swinger or anything. I swear I’m not a swinger. Seriously, I’m not. No swinging here.”

–  “I dream in Twitter avis all the time, yours too.”

–  “Screw you chevron.” (In a guest post for a friend who has chevron in her blog header…)

weirdo copy

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For the record, the next time you find yourself socializing in person or online, I’ve always found it helpful to keep this little saying in mind:

“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt.”

I’ve pretty much never regretted following that little nugget of life advice…

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MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:

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39 Comments on Introblurting:  Raising the ‘Socially Awkward’ Bar

  1. huh, i like the last interview question..

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  2. “It’s better to remain silent…” – yep, that’s why I often go with a Like instead of a comment.

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    • I generally do the same, partly because of some the comments I’ve referenced. I usually mess up the most when I’m trying to be funny.

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  3. Preparation H FYI…

    Love it \m/

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  4. “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt.” “Oh yeah? Takes one to know one!”

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  5. I’m totally going to use your interview question the next time I interview for a job.

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  6. I don’t do much, but when I do… it’s always under the influence of alcohol. I’m the most intoxicated man in the world.

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  7. Well done, Rachelle!

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  8. Reblogged this on A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It and commented:

    I’m honored to be guest posting over at Long Awkward Pause today. LAP is one of my favorite collaborations on WP so head over and give them a follow if you aren’t already.

    Like

  9. I hear you, Rachelle. I have entire days that are one big introblurt (love that term, by the way)! I work in a performing arts centre box office and on a shift last week, when I was particularly tired and words just were not coming out right, I told a customer about a discount on single tickets – except it came out “discount on tingles”. Not exactly an introblurt, but oh so awkward nonetheless. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t be allowed to work with the public.

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    • That is hilarious, Becky. Fatigue definitely ups the chances of these awkward moments doesn’t it? Thanks for sharing your own example!

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  10. So funny, Rachelle! Thanks for the laughs. xo

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  11. Hilarious, but some of those were really NOT that bad… maybe I’m an introblurter and totally don’t know it!?? I kind of think of myself as the comment-police – i.e. I tend to speak up for bloggers I like when some hate-monger posts something that clearly indicates they’re lack of humor/comprehension of the post. Is that awkward…? 😉

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    • Actually, my typos makes that one kind of awkward… :/

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    • I generally appreciate it when someone speaks out to haters on my behalf. I’d probably label that more awesome than awkward 🙂 And I agree, some aren’t that bad–had to leave some of them in the vault.

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  12. Oh, I feel your pain with this one, Rachelle. I wonder if as introverts, we actually introblurt more since we’re not quick on our feet like many extroverts. I’ve learned to really try to think before I speak, but that takes decades of practice to get right, and I fear I’m still not there. Wonderful post!

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  13. I know your pain. My solution has been to walk around in that paper hospital gown with my ass literally out already. That totally distracts people from the awkwardness that spews out of my pie hole, or blinds them when the sun hits it just right.

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  14. The conundrum…if you staple, tape and superglue your mouth shut, chances are you won’t say something dumb…on the other hand, you can’t consume alcohol…

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  15. I interview people and that would have gotten you to round two with me.

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  16. I may (or may not) be guilty of introblurting from time to time. Sometimes I just say the silliest things!

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  17. Hi, I reblogged your post (hope that’s ok), because I’m so there with you and it relates so much to my recent interviews. I seem to open my mouth and am unable to control what comes out of it. Hence, after 6 interviews and lots of cracked smiles, I am still without a job. (Should’ve applied for the clown’s job).

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  18. So funny! So many people suffer from social awkwardness (I don’t know if it’s a real disease-officially) but the sure know how to make us laugh!! I mean this in the best possible way-after all, I only have socially awkward friends and I love them!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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