Jean-Claude Van Damme Volvo Commercial
In what can only be considered the work of marketing geniuses, Volvo found a way to equate the most epic of splits with precision steering. And who better to take on the daunting task of traveling spread eagle between two moving semi-trucks than Jean-Claude Van Damme? With “a pair of legs engineered to defy the laws of physics,” Jean-Claude is practically a superhero. Cue Enya…
Along with JC, Channing Tatum is another one of those rare individuals born with exceedingly magical legs. Seriously, have you seen Step Up? The first one, not the last seventeen where a bunch of white kids took to the streets to show they, too, had street cred.
Dove Real Beauty Sketches
The first time I saw Dove’s real beauty sketches I thought, “How moving.” Then I realized that was probably the first time I’d ever seen a sketch artist rendering where the subject didn’t come out looking like the Unabomber.
Below is a shining example of why Dove didn’t ask men to be participants in their study (and every reason why I wish they would’ve).
Anyone who watched the Slap Chop commercial and didn’t immediately want to buy one is kidding themselves. How else could you go from a simple boiled egg and sweet pickle to a chopped egg salad in five seconds flat? If that’s not an exercise is extreme time efficiency, I don’t know what is.
“You’re gonna love my nuts” spawned dozens of Slap Chop parodies. Thanks, Vince!
Because the Slap Chop wasn’t awesome enough, Vince brought us the Sham Wow. Why use a boring old dishtowel to clean up that mess when you can use a Sham Wow! Shame about that whole punching a prostitute thing, though. Gives new meaning to the phrase “Cat got your tongue?”
Sponges are confusing, nobody knows how to use them, and they kill nearly 13 people every week. True story.
No piece of exercise equipment since the Thighmaster has had such notoriety. Its website should make you check the “Over 18” box to continue.
Out of sheer curiosity and a desire to see if its founder was a gay man, I conducted extensive research to find out the origin of such a brilliant device. According to Google, the Shake Weight was invented by Johann Verheem. Unfortunately, I didn’t find out anything more than that.
The original Shake Weight commercial is practically a parody of itself. Lucky for us, however, South Park took it one step further. Sometimes things are so wrong they become right.
Brad Pitt Chanel No 5 Commercial
This commercial would have been far better had Brad Pitt been speaking French. It’s sort of like when people get stupid shit like Water or Life tattooed on their shoulders in Japanese; you don’t know what it says but it sure looks amazing. Same principle.
Who doesn’t love Leif Garrett? He was the Justin Bieber of his day. I for one cannot WAIT until JB has a receding hair line and needs to do commercial parodies in order to supplement his drug problem.
E.D. is no laughing matter. It affects 17 billion men (and some women) in the United States every year. However, if you want to look at the bright side, ladies, it’s probably a surefire way of knowing your man
can’t won’t cheat on you.
What’s funnier than erectile dysfunction? Cuba Gooding Jr. with an 18” boner, that’s what.