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A tour through my album collection

issue #6

Growing up, dear children, I was not aloud to listen to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music. My father would say to me, “Monk, m’boy, if I ever see you listening to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music, I’ll slit yer face.” And so, dear, children, I never did…

But in the late 1980s, something amazing happened. First, I left home and could do what I wanted (and that included listening to Rock ‘n’ Roll Music) and second, the CD was invented (what MP3s used to come installed upon), so records were suddenly cheap-as-chips as every man Jack and his horse galloped in to their local CD shop to buy CDs, leaving the big, black, vinyl circles alone.

Boy, did I pick up a bargain or two! I have many memories of myself sitting on my settee and listening to some great toons.

So, how about it, dear reader, would you, too, like to reminisce, with me, and take a musical walk, through my, brain?!?



Firstly, I would like to talk about this beautiful album. The lead singer and guitarist is named Steven Seagal and he is brilliant. The way his voice warbles off key is very artistic and his twangy-style of guitar playing brings tears to my eyes. I have not seen or herd of him since but apparently he was in a movie one time. Must track it down. If he acts as well as he sings I’m THERE!

worst-album-cover__1651377aNow, I am not one for the aerobic dancing, me, but this album cover blew me away when I first saw it in the store. This guy not only looked happy, but he had the look and feel I was desperate to achieve. The toned thighs, afro…he just oozed hunkiness. I actually started wearing short shorts with long socks at about this time but I tore the seat of my pants when I sat down suddenly in a bus one day and gave it up. He has a nice watch, too. Oh, and for you haters who think you can’t dance to “E.T.,” YOUR’E WRONG!


Now, this is an album I own but haven’t actually listened to! It has a scratch all the way down it which makes listening very tough but I have kept it in my collection for the cover alone. The graphic design speaks volumes to me. I love how everything matches. Such a heroic pose, too. And, oh, nice watch.


If you like listening to low, huffy-puffy voices, then you’ll love Bajo. He really knows how to pick me up when I’m down with his tuba-like staccato singing. I’m not sure what the CENSORED sign on his hip is covering but I’m sure it’s something sexy. Bajo’s eyes do something to ladies, I’m sure of it because they certainly do something to me.


Ooh! When I need to get the party started, that’s when I give Mrs Mills a spin. Her party dance tracks are real super keen. I love the way she urges me to get up and dance from the moment she first says “Good morning, I’m Mrs Mills,” on track 1. She sings like a seagull – really pretty – and her rendition of Jimmy Crack Corn is sure to get the most frigid party-goer up on their feet. HIGHLY RECCOMMMENEDED!



“Yesterday…Today…Carlos,” is a concept album about a man named Carlos and his love of chilled white wine and steaming hot tubs. Every song is about what he gets up to in there and I find it really intriguing. This album was dismissed when it was first released but I hope it will soon receive the notoriety it deserves for being a true work of art.

joyceI think everyone knows of Joyce’s love songs by now so not much needs to be said here. I love her work. Her eyes do something to me, too. And I’m sure she has a great watch under her sleeve.


Geraldine and Ricky always give me a reason to cry tears of love for all the world. This is a spoken word epic of four hours, during which Geraldine and Ricky chat about all sorts of things from soap to soap operas, navys to navels. The entire second side of disc one is devoted to their discussions on the importance of trees and how – if you listen very carefully – you may here them speak to you. (This has not happenened to me yet but once I did see a tree leave.) Ricky, it must be said, is certainly a snappy dresser and his voice, though soft and high-pitched, does things to ladies I am sure.

SO THERE YOU GO! Many diamonds in the roughs there! Why don’t YOU listen to some GOLDEN OLDIES today, too! Music doesn’t have to be all modern with its hippin’ and a hoppin’, It can be old and beautiful and have a great watch.




78 Comments on A tour through my album collection

  1. Hahaha!
    Oh, Carlos! Where have you and your dolphin been all my life?


  2. I would love to find out Ricky the puppet and Carlos’ dolphin created their own album, singing classic country duets.


  3. Lydia Devadason // April 21, 2014 at 11:07 am //

    Ha ha, these are incredible!


  4. Carlos was not a well man…


  5. The world would have been a better place if Lionel Blair went on to have Seagal’s acting career. Is there an alternate reality out there that was fortunate enough to have witnessed this occurrence? I sure hope so.


  6. these are fantastic!


  7. **speechless**


  8. I’m slightly embarrassed to say Steven Seagal was one of my favorite actors growing up. He is basically like young Arnold Schwarzenegger, but with a pony tail. I had no idea he played music. Must find this IMMEDIATELY.


  9. Wow. This could’ve been called “DIY Album Covers.” So awesome.


  10. I’m crying tears of laughter…between Carlos, Ricky and the guy in the tighty whities, I can’t catch my breath.

    Amen, indeed.


  11. shaunynews // April 21, 2014 at 10:27 pm //

    Reblogged this on shaunynews and commented:
    From the Word Press Facebook group:


  12. This explains my utter lack of a music career. I don’t have Steven Seagal’s acting chops, the others’ dolphin, dummy, hot tub, solid blue wall to set off my stunning blue outfits, or portable CENSORED sign. Not even a watch.

    But there is a glimmer of hope. I know the words to “Jimmy Crack Corn.” WISH ME LUCK!


  13. Imagine the musical offspring Carlos and Joyce could have. Sassy latin salsa-polka fusion.


  14. Oh, my God! Where did you find these?!! They almost make me want to wear a watch. They’re all so incredibly sexy.


  15. Did you buys these over time or just purchase them all at once at Geoffrey Dahmer’s estate sale?


  16. Some old timers will lament the lost art of “Album Art”, but others would question whether it really existed at all.


  17. Orion is such a mystery. I am intrigued to find out what he was reborn as.


  18. I didn’t know my neighbor Joyce had a secret career.


  19. Can’t. Stop. Looking. At. Bajo.

    (Also I am so turned on by Carlos and that creepy doll Geraldine has, which i think is Ricky? Anyway, he’s sorta Michael Jackson post-surgery but in the shape of a blow-up doll. I will have to change my undies now, that’s for sure!)


  20. Remarkable oddities… Great to Came across this post, Regards
    Aquileana πŸ˜‰


  21. Fuck. That’s it. I’m trading in all my worthless original Eagles, Sinatra, Elvis and Beatles (no shit) records on vinyl for at least ONE of these gems.


  22. Best laugh of the day. πŸ™‚


  23. I guess you are just introducing us to new faces. You didn’t include William Shatner’s psychedelic work.


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