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The Saturday Six: The Truth Behind Job Titles

 saturday 6


You are sitting there in your cubicle, and John the Vice President of Social Advertising Media and Sales has walked by you five times now. The last time he walked by, he was wiping jelly doughnut from his tie with a single square of toilet paper. He now sits in his glass walled private office, which you can also see clearly from your cubicle. The cubicle which is next to Allen the Accidental Farter’s cubicle by the way…

John has his feet propped up on the corner of his desk and is talking on the phone. By his gestures and exaggerated laughter, you assume he is talking to some world renowned comedian like Jerry Seinfeld or Bill Cosby. As you watch, John spills his coffee onto his lap, because John is an idiot.

Just how did he get that job anyway?

You’re sure he makes more money than you…quite a bit more money than you. And you’re sure that you do way more work than he does. What is a Vice President of Social Advertising Media and Sales anyway?  And why haven’t you ever seen or heard of The President of Social Advertising Media and Sales?  Or the Queen of Social Advertising Media and Sales? All good questions.

Luckily, here at the Long Awkward Pause offices we all have the same job title, so there is no in house fighting, except on Taco Tuesdays, when a few of the staff always over stuffs themselves with delicious taco meat, shredded cheese, and pico de gallo…thus not leaving any for the interns. You’re interns…you’re working for free…life is unfair…

What would be fair is if everyone in the office dropped their fancy job title and instead went by what duties they really perform throughout the work day. Which is the exact setup for this week’s Saturday Six…

Happy Saturday!














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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

35 Comments on The Saturday Six: The Truth Behind Job Titles

  1. This is amazing – really made my day!


  2. Hmm… Chief Slide Making Bitch and Electron-Arranger


  3. Surayya Cheema // April 12, 2014 at 10:23 am //

    I would make a good Head of IT.


  4. Oh my god, this was supreme! I can now put “Social Media Strategist” on my résumé. I may also be #4…


  5. In a previous role I was seated by The Excessive Hand Rubber who spit in a cup. Now my cube is in a corner surrounded by no one. Yippee!

    Funny post!

    Happy Saturday!


  6. Well done, Christopher.
    This was the best piece I’ve read all week!
    Of all your posts… this was the most recent.


  7. Social Media = Ad Sales = Boondoggle. Need a lot of Titles to support that puppy unless you had a huge IPO


  8. It would be my greatest pleasure after finding my dream-job, i.e. one where I actually get to do MEANINGFUL stuff at least 3 times a week, to email blast this post to the Jar Jar Bitch I work with & every administrator that has enabled her for the past ten years. Love this!


  9. motherhendiaries // April 13, 2014 at 3:03 pm //

    Gahaha! As “company secretary” (“executive vice president of creative accounting”) this really tickled me. Maybe I need a new job title… like “chief embezzler” or “person in charge of where the heck did all our money go this month?”


  10. motherhendiaries // April 13, 2014 at 3:28 pm //

    Right now, I’m getting really good at being “chief blog stalker…” Wow. Maybe I need to get a job in the mailroom (“distributor of very occasional snail mail… or not”). Clearly, it would be a promotion.


  11. This really clarifies what all the project managers at my office do.


  12. Corporations are people. *vomiting*


  13. That’s gold.
    Drop by at my blog.


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