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Warnog The Beer Of Champion Klingons

issue #6 It’s Saturday night on the star ship. You and your fellow hundred companions are off duty for the evening. It’s time to head down to flight deck 12 where the bar is located and get your brew on! So you put on a new, nicely pressed red shirt, which is all you ever wear…whether you’re on duty or not. Don’t worry, it’s all everyone ever wears. You make sure the Starfleet insignia is in the right spot. You don’t want to accidentally run into the captain and have him bitch you out. Besides you want to look your very best in case your called on an emergency teleportation down to the planet the ship is currently circling.

Redshirts

  Hopefully that doesn’t happen. Why? Because the Federation of Beer (this is a real thing) has announced their newest brew: Warnog, the Klingon Beer. (This is also a real thing.)

warnog

Warnog!

This will be the second in Star Trek beers and will join the emotionless Vulcan Ale:

Live Long and Get Crunked

Live Long and Get Crunked

It will be brewed by the Evansville, Indiana-based Tin Man Brewing Company. According to the press release, the dunkelweizen style beer has an aroma that is “predominantly mild banana and clove” that is “supported by subtle sweet malt character from the use of Munich malt.” Don’t worry, we don’t know what that means either. The beer is 5.5% ABV which is pretty strong, but if our Star Trek Klingon knowledge is correct, they would probably prefer 15.5% ABV, which is enough to kill a baby rhino. Guess what? This isn’t the only TV-based beer coming out. Game of Thrones has Iron Throne Blonde Ale, Take the Black Stout, and Fire and Blood Red Ale. The Walking Dead has a beer called the Dock Street Walker with a special ingredient in it: smoked goat brains. If brewers are looking for this niche in order to sell more beer, we have a few suggestions for them:

1) The Big Bang Theory Bold Ale 
Slogan: Starts with a big bang, hopeful ends up in bed with a big bang.
 
2)  Orange Is The New Black Stout
Slogan: Turning straight women into lesbians after three beers.
 
3) Survivor Malt 
Slogan: Made with rice, bugs, backstabbing, and lies.
 
4) How I Met Your Mother Lager
Slogan: Also, how you were conceived.
 
5) Dancing With The Stars Light
Slogan: Enough beer in your system and you can dance just like Baryshnikov.
 

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

34 Comments on Warnog The Beer Of Champion Klingons

  1. Breaking Bad Beer: An addicting brew with a clean, crystal meth finish.

    Like

  2. Cosmos Universal Lager: Billions and Billions of molecules of alcohol will blow your mind.

    Norm Abram’s New Yankee Stout: Drink only with safety glasses because this will leave your liver plaid and your brain shellacked and varnished.

    Like

  3. Right behind Kirk you’ll see a chart of my current investments against the two straight lines representing the DOW and the S&P 500.
    If I had any money left I would be buying the Stout.

    Like

  4. House of Cards Ale. Just when you think you’re on top, it levels you.

    Like

    • I so tried to get into House of Cards. Everyone says I’m missing out, but I just can’t do it…

      Like

      • These days, series have to be “out there” in some way. In this case the writers really push the envelop on how far to take the protagonist in being unlikable. The fifth episode was the most disturbing and yet they show how politicians can be made vulnerable and be easily manipulated. Do you think it really happens in Washington? Maybe you didn’t see enough episodes..

        Like

  5. M*A*S*H Brand 11-Year Old Swamp Whiskey – In all honesty, we probably let it distill for a few years too many.

    Like

  6. Finding banana and clove notes in a dunkel is right along the lines of tasting minerals and coffee in a cabernet sauvignon – it takes a sensitive palate and an imagination. Also, 5.5% is only strong if you’re used to Coors Light.

    Like

  7. Ha Ha. I’ve heard of the Klingon one, but wasn’t aware of the other “real” beers. Are they really beer, Chris? I think we should have beer tasting party.

    Like

  8. Seriously man, this post just makes me want to get high. Which is a good thing. Except I’m not high. Or even drunk.

    Like

  9. If I was a red shirt I would be drinking the 15.5 beer. They’re all going to die anyway. They might as well have a blast doing it.

    Like

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