Latest And Greatest

Five Winter Olympic Events That Got Cut At Sochi

Whether your favorite Winter Olympic event is the Luge…

luge

Figure Skating…

FIGURE SKATING/

or that one event with the skis and the guns that no one knows the name of…

biathlon-1

…at every Olympics there are a few events that don’t quite fit into the gaming spirit.

Long Awkward Pause was able to obtain a list of this year’s cuts that were rejected by the Sochi Olympic Committee:

1) Competitive Snow Angel Making

snowangels

Shown here is Co-ed Competitive Snow Angel Making. Olympic hopeful’s Bjoin Njukski and Fletis Jackenhimmer demonstrating the very synchronized and very difficult classic Snow Christmas Angel. Other types of angels that traditionally score high points are the Cherub, the Cupid, and the Victoria Secret.

2) Lesbian Sledding

lesbiansledding

We all know the controversy surrounding the issues of homophobia that the Russian Government has, so it was no surprise this event got the immediate ax, despite the signed petition of a million 13 year old boys.

3) The Sumo Ski Jump

It isn't over till the fat sumo man skis.

Is there is no better idea than launching a 500 pound man 15 feet into the air on wooden skis? No…no there is not we say. However the Russians were put off by…and we quote…”by those large wedgie diapers those fat guys wear.”

4) Olympic Arm Pit Diving

armpitdiving

All though this sport has been around since the 1800’s, the Sochi Olympic Committee was confused by it’s scoring. They found it hard to calculate the complex system of measuring armpit hair vs. diving form in order to score points. 

5) Men’s Outdoor Strip Poker

strippoker

Although you will not see this event anywhere in the Olympic program, if you can find Vladimir Boirsh on the corner of Putin Lane and Rasputin Street, you can get into a pick up game for approximately 678,000 rubles or 20 dollars US.

MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:

Facebook: Long Awkward Pause
Twitter: @LongAwkPause
Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic
 
Would you like to see a topic discussed on L.A.P?  Follow this link HERE.
Advertisements
About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

66 Comments on Five Winter Olympic Events That Got Cut At Sochi

  1. NotAPunkRocker // February 11, 2014 at 11:52 am //

    I am inspired. If the sumo can do it, so can I!

    Like

  2. I was hoping for ice bone-break dancing as well as landmine curling.

    Like

  3. I don’t normally use “bad” language in the comments section, but I am laughing my ass off right now!

    Like

  4. Had a big lunch snort laugh at Lesbian Sledding! Needed a luge today, laugh today. Thanks!

    Like

  5. Thank you for another informative piece of journalism – which broadens our artificial snow-bound horizons and picks uo where Bob Costas and the NBC team of heart-warming sports analysts left off – which is in the middle of nowhere – or is that Sochi?

    Like

  6. Whoa! Dude! I want to see the Sumo ski jumping event! I bet they leave a solid imprint in the snow upon landing.

    Like

  7. Oh, and I had been working so hard at angel snow making. These events and exciting and memorable! They blew it.

    Like

  8. The USA never medalled in the Sumo ski jump, and now with the popularity of TLC’s “My 600 Pound Life” many of our best competitors are opting for quick reality TV stardom instead of grueling Olympic training. Who could blame them? It’s extra scary ski jumping when one is unable to see the tips of his skis.

    Like

  9. Shoot! Maybe they’ll be added for 2018. Go Skeleton…Luge, only face first. 😀

    Like

  10. But isn’t a wedgie diapered flying sumo better than a commando flying sumo?

    Like

  11. god i love the sumo ski jump. i cannot get enough of it.

    Like

  12. This is hilarious because just the other day we were watching and bf said to me, “what’s the name of that sport with the skis and guns?”

    Like

  13. For the most part, your outlook makes the Olympics a lot more interesting than the actual events. To quote my opinion of NASCAR, like watching paint dry. The only difference is the occasional agony of defeat. As long as nobody actually gets hurt, at least that breaks up the monotony. Tutherwise, nothing much to write home about. I noted tonight when I got home from work that Sean White booted another one. Oh well, the Flying Carrot didn’t make that three-times-a-charm.

    Like

  14. The Sumo disproves all the laws of physics! Brilliant!

    Like

  15. I heard that Competitive Snow Angel Making was close, but it was rejected after atheists objected to the inclusion of angels. Oh well, there’s always hope for 2018.

    Like

  16. I think they should include Conga Sledging basically twenty people on a large plastic sheet heading down a hill trying to cling on to each other as well as both sides of the sheeting and manage to stop before ending up in the brook strategically placed at the bottom of the hill.

    Like

  17. I’m so glad you didn’t go with an image of gay sledding. With a top and a bottom.
    *grin*

    Like

  18. That sumo ski jump cannot lead to a good place. I don’t think they’re very aerodynamic… I’m totally in for outdoor strip poker though.

    Like

  19. divinetriviality // February 14, 2014 at 8:21 pm //

    Those are hilarious!!!

    Like

  20. I might be more interested in the Olympics if they had the “Men’s Oudoor Strip Poker” event. I could see me watching that.

    Like

  21. I don’t get why they have the gun-ski event…seems like that would only be an American sport

    Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: