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Madonna Files for Self-Divorce After 2014 Grammy Awards

Award Shows seem to always have at least one big-controversy moment during the ceremonies, which in turn gets everyone talking:  the YouTubers…and the radio…and the TV…and the online media…

The 2014 Grammy Awards were no exception.

maddona caneThe show began with a great premise: get Macklemore and Ryan Lewis to perform their same-sex equality mega-hit, “Same Love”, while Madonna and Queen Latifah blessed the marriages of 34 couples of every type of gender, race, height, and limb count, but eventually ended in controversy.

Madonna is currently fighting with Los Angeles courts after discovering shortly after the blessing ceremony,  that she actually married herself. Apparently while Madonna was blessing the couples, she also blessed herself…three times. Luckily for the Material Girl, the multiple blessings only count as one marriage, so she will only have to file for divorce one time.

The city of Los Angeles deems the marriage legal and binding, and if Madonna would like to dissolve the union with herself, she will have to hire a lawyer specializing in self-divorce.  Madonna contests that one cannot marry oneself and was quoted,

“This is silly. It’s as silly as if I wanted to marry my hat or my cane!”

Madonna’s hat and cane were unavailable for comment.

Side Note: We also learned that there was a tiny bit of  aggravation before  Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed.  Moments after  the duo’s acceptance of the Best New Artist Grammy, eyewitnesses reported hearing Lewis yelling at Macklemore,

“Damn it Macky! You didn’t let me talk again! You know, just one time you could let me say something…anything! And your haircut looks more and more like Roger Klotz from that cartoon Doug everyday!”

Credit:  Vibe.com

Credit: Vibe.com

The duo quickly made up after being informed by their road manager that they could were at risk of going back to their day jobs as Starbuck’s coffee Baristas,  living off of $2 tips, and siphoning latte foam in egg cartoons to sell to the hobos in front of the Orange Julius.

The super group quickly hugged, did some rapper solidarity hand gestures, and went on stage to execute another dazzling performance.

In other news, Roger Klotz is forming a Macklemore and Ryan Lewis cover band.

 

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About Christopher De Voss (132 Articles)
One Of The Hosts Of Podcast 42. Online Producer for The Over The Line Show. Voice over actor, writer on various websites, published author, should not eat cheese but still does. Follow me on twitter: @chrisdevoss

51 Comments on Madonna Files for Self-Divorce After 2014 Grammy Awards

  1. NotAPunkRocker // January 28, 2014 at 8:45 am //

    If Roger Klotz is forming a band, then I want to know when The Beets are going on tour as well.

    I am trying to find out why Madonna was dressed as Boss Hogg.

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  2. I’m pretty sure the two security guys standing next to the end of the stage were also married in a “collateral damage” kind of way just by being close enough together when everything went down. I’m not sure they even know yet. Kind of like a Vegas marriage.

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  3. I’ve been wondering how many people chose the wrong moment to head to the restroom and ended up married to an usher.

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  4. Celebrities….legends in their own minds.

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  5. Hopefully in a self-divorce, one lawyer will suffice. Custody battles might get a bit surreal though.

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  6. having seen Madonna’s outfit when she walked in, I’m guessing she really wanted a Quaker ceremony.

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  7. dentaleggs // January 28, 2014 at 9:40 am //

    I’m surprised Madonna’s cheek implants haven’t deflated yet.

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  8. I guess it was a nice day for a white wedding? *snicker*

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  9. I am officially for same-sex marriage. That said, thank you, Entertainment Douches, for parading your own personal agendas in overblown style at the expense of celebrating the entertainers they claim to award… you always know how to take a class event and trailer-park the fuck outta it.

    Also: Macklemore – bald or not bald… pick.

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  10. Let me tell you this, I cried after seeing that clip from the Grammy’s.
    Madonna though… she looked *weird*, no? Movements and all…

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  11. Could Madonna possibly be more creepy? Talk about trying too hard….

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  12. Ha ha! I can’t believe her cane wasn’t available for comment. I didn’t see her performance because no cable, but this is the creepiest she’s ever looked. Thanks for that news. Now I feel informed. Who needs cable?

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  13. Can she get divorced from herself?

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  14. Well Chris you’ve done it again and I hope you’re happy. You’ve written a good piece with just enough delicious snark to make me go on You Tube and look this up. I was so proud of myself for going 3 years in a row and not succumbing to this nonsense. The Grammys were a time honored event until some ass hat decided to make it all about shock value so we could see how cool they are. I’ve avoided it even though I’d heard about the ‘ceremony’ but now you’ve ruined me and I gotta look. I just gotta. So Thank you very much I’m sure you are quite pleased with yourself. I’ll be sure to hide behind the sofa so I don’t end up a bigamist.

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  15. Given the fact that Madonna was clearly under the influence, I’m fairly certain that an annulment would be the quickest way to put an end to that matrimonial (un)bliss. Really, how could she possibly live with herself, having dual egos of that size under one roof? And, just who would wear the pants in that family? Oh, sorry, I guess that was a rhetorical question.

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  16. I am SO glad I watched some of the videos. Not for artistic content mind. The Best was a clip of Queen Latifah (who looked fantastic) get PULLED TO THE SIDE by some underling when Madonna was making her appearance. No joke! I watched it three times to be sure. Just as she is about to say “by the power vested in me” a guy walked up behind her and put his hand on her waist and pulled her off to the side so she wouldn’t be in the way when Madge came out in her Boss Hog outfit with a garter belt no less.
    So in the end, thanks Chris I wouldn’t have wanted to miss seeing that. Queen just got dissed by The Queen.

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  17. Right at 41 seconds.

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  18. madisonpward1 // January 30, 2014 at 12:53 am //

    I wonder who gets the house…

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