Celebrity Rehab: Ke$ha Takes a Bite out of Therapy

Everything that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it’s Rembrandt tooth whitener.

Kesha Rose Sebert, known on stage and around the music world as Ke$ha, is now in rehab receiving treatment for anorexia and bulimia. Good on you, girl – we can all benefit from therapy – celebrity or not. You realized you needed help and did something about it.

But one question: why the fascination with teeth?

If you’ve never watched any of Ke$ha’s music videos, the girl’s got a fine set of pearly whites – all the better to take a nice juicy bite out of some rather questionable lyrics.  She does it with a smile so blindingly white that you’d need a pair of sunglasses to take the edge off the words spewing from her mouth.

As in most areas of medical and scientific research, experimentation can often lead to new treatments. Seems someone working in the dental field has discovered that patients undergoing treatment for eating disorders can benefit from some intense therapy involving dental reconstruction, only not for cosmetic purposes.

After Ke$ha checked herself into the rehab center, she put out a call to her followers and fans to not send cards or flowers. Apparently she didn’t want sentimental wishes of good health; she instead wanted human teeth delivered to her for jewelry making purposes.  Long Awkward Pause…

If I was Ke$ha’s therapist, I’d be less worried about her and more worried about who she hangs out with.

Honestly, how could anyone spend hours on end staring at these visions out of a dental hygienist’s nightmare without an overwhelming urge to drape themselves in extracted teeth threaded on a 24K gold necklace? She’s been on tour with these guys. I’ve looked at this image for only a few minutes and now want to search through the attic for my daughter’s baby teeth. I, in the role of Tooth Fairy, paid good money for those teeth and it’s past time I turned a profit.

Apparently, this fixation with teeth is nothing new for Ke$ha. There’s been necklaces, earrings, rings. One of her most ambitious projects was her “tooth” bra. I can’t help thinking that’s taking Madonna’s “pointy” bra just a little too far. It’s one thing to poke someone’s eye out with your bra. It’s a totally other (and may I say really bizarre) thing to want to be nibbled on by teeth from who knows whose mouth.

Does she accept teeth blindly or does she request some sort of molar providence? Like with artwork. You check to make sure the painting isn’t stolen or a reproduction or a fake. I don’t know how you’d do that with teeth. Maybe insist that tooth x-rays are taken, with the enclosed tooth highlighted and signed off by the dentist as actually coming from this person’s mouth. Given freely without duress or the use of anesthetic. Because if you’re under, you don’t REALLY know if what you get handed while in the chair is actually YOUR tooth. Think about that the next time you’re in the dentist’s chair.

I’ve heard of some wacky therapy offered to celebrities. In Ke$ha’s case, seems she’s going to have to effect progress without the use of real teeth as the rehab center has classified human teeth as not appropriate for use in her daily crafts class. Apparently, teeth are classified as “human remains.” Spokesperson for the treatment center said, “There is always a risk that it could be of bio-hazardous material so we are not able to bring in anything that’s real.”

Too bad the center doesn’t allow real teeth. They give better traction in the snow.

If the treatment center doesn’t allow anything real, as long as they keep accepting celebrities as patients, they never have to worry about going out of business. *wink-wink*

Would you consider sending Ke$ha your extracted teeth?
Or do you want to start up your own line of dental designs?

---

---

More Places To Find Long Awkward Pause:

Would you like to see a topic discussed on L.A.P? Then follow this link HERE.

Facebook: Long Awkward Pause

Twitter: @LongAwkPause

Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic