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Can Board Games Improve your Health?

Listen up you bucket load of greasy chimps! In these here online digital pages I have been working my shiny butt off to get you to get happy.
It seems nothing has worked and it isn’t the fault of my advice (which is brilliant), it’s all your fault, you turnips!

I shall give it one more bash, however. Across your face!!!

GAMES!

A word that allows nerds to shudder in joy.

GAMES!

Something that you do for fun whether it’s Pin the Tail on the Donkey or Pin the Tarantula on the Octopodes.

GAMES!

Look, you know what frikking games are so shaddup and listen.

GAMES! Are the key to your success and happiness. How do I know this? Because I’m Monk Monkey, you Snap Head! Full of scientific theory and wonder is the proof that games not only increase social levels in chimps AND humans but also teach such valuable life skills as turn-taking, sharing, cheating, being a good winner, being a good loser and how to roll dice.
Most valuable of all, however, is that GAMES! bring people together like glue and the thing that the glue is being applied to in order to glue that thing to another thing!

Want to get happy? It’s simple!

Fathers, play games with your sons!
Mothers, play games with your daughters!
Fathers, play games with your mothers!
Sons, play games with your Nephews!
Nephews, play games with your Grandparents (the ones you share with your Aunties, not the ones from your Cousins’ side of the family)!
Cousins, play games with War Veterans!
And so on!

And I’m not talking this game, either:

life

Because if there’s one thing we DON’T want our children to learn is that life is a dead-end where the greatest thing you could hope for is to drive a car and become an accountant.

I’m talking games like the following examples coming up in a second below. Look at them all. Take them in. You will see how these GAMES! have promoted happiness and togetherness in families around the world over many years – these boxes all share two things in common:

  1. Smiling people (which proves they make you happy), and
  2. People sitting around tiny tables, often too high or low or small to effectively play.

AND WHAT DOES THIS TELL YOU?! THAT YOU MUST GET GAMES AND ALSO TINY TABLES TO PLAY THEM ON SO THAT YOU WILL BE FORCED TO BE CLOSE AND LOVING TO OTHERS!

black box

grabs

half

hexa

ludus

pro

See the smiling faces? See the tiny tables? SEE!?!?! I TOLD YOU SO! GAMES! People! GAMES! Too often have I met people who see life like this…

royale

…A passive activity where one watches and never does. And what does that get you? A SLEEPY BORING DUMB HEADED FACE AND TWO SEXY WOMEN! AND THAT’S NO GOOD!!! Sure he has a tiny table but that is not enough on its own – you must be smiling!

Neither, I must say, is this next one a good example. I mean, the man and his son are having a great time (thanks to GAMES!) but what about the mother and daughter? They’re off washing dishes! Let them join in, man!

batt

Actually, now that I look closer they ARE smiling and having fun back there. Perhaps they are playing a game as they wash. Maybe they are playing Count the Plates or some such. I dunno. GAMES!

SO IN CLOSING, PLAY GAMES! BUY A LITTLE TABLE! AND MAYBE THEN YOU WILL FIND PEACE, JOY, HAPPINESS AND YES, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF…

perfec

…ooh! Now that’s a nice table.

Amen.

—–

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43 Comments on Can Board Games Improve your Health?

  1. Now I so need a tiny table.

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  2. Also, it looks like only white people under 45 are supposed to play games.

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  3. I think it’s the same Dad on all the game boxes. What about card games? Like maybe a card game with a tea theme?

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  4. NotAPunkRocker // January 17, 2014 at 8:46 am //

    Those Perfection people don’t appear to be cursing up a storm from the damn timer going off. I call shenanigans on that “fun time”.

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  5. It’s funny that you brought up the Battleship game. As a child I always remember thinking that the dad on the box was clearly an idiot. Because there are only three red pegs in the ship so it’s clearly not sunk (needs 4 pegs). So he’s removed his piece from the board and it’s clearly not sunk! Yes. That is how my mind works.

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  6. Snoring Dog Studio // January 17, 2014 at 8:55 am //

    They tossed the pics that showed the happy family tearing each other’s limbs off and gouging their opponent’s eyeballs out with the game pieces.

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  7. I agree with Chris on what appears to be the same dad on every game box, spinning his web of deceit by cozying up to the future step-kids in order to get with Mom, who picked him up during her first night out following her divorce. I know Chris didn’t say that exactly, but I’m pretty sure that’s what he meant.

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  8. Oh my gosh, you funny chimp! I never noticed the tiny tables or the encroachment on space to one another. I will never look at a game cover the same way again. Up for Grabs – the dad must be moving game pieces with his nose!

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    • And that’s why my games are always sticky with little hairs on them. Never knew how come before. Thanks for clearing up the Dad Nose Mystery! (Your next book?)

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  9. In my family there would be major fights and calls of “cheat!”. These games are kind of creepy. Am I wrong?

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  10. I’m not much into board games…more bored games. But I do like the occasional game of Wineopoly. Everyone drinks more than me so I always win. That’s my kind of game. *grin*

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  11. I used to play these games with my daughters, we loved it & it was a great inexpensive way to have fun! Until they became teenagers at least.

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  12. I’ll get the tiny table if you can convince the kids that bathing is essential in close quarters, not just at bed time.

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